


Before The Storm

by MidnightStarr



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Horror, Love, Romance, Songfic, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:31:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 83,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightStarr/pseuds/MidnightStarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life has been looking up for Leah Clearwater; she's in a new pack, far away from Sam, and things seem to be on the verge of getting better. But with a new pack emerging, and old pack relations worsening.. Things are always calm before the true storm hits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

It wasn't like she waved a sign in front of our faces with big bold print saying _'I'm depressed! Save me!_ '. It wasn't like she gave us any huge, obvious hints...

 **MS:** Welcome to my first Twilight fic, _Before The Storm._ This has been uploaded already on fanfiction.net, but I thought it best to move a lot of my works to this site as well as on jacobblack-n-pack.ning.com. I hope you enjoy the fic, the presence of the music within, and alllll the drama our lovely pack has to offer. Please leave a comment with your opinion! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own 'Twilight' nor any of Stephenie Meyer's work. Nor do I own any of the lyrics contained within this work of fiction; all of these are solely the property of their authors/writers.

* * *

 

 

It's not like I kept telling myself that everytime I looked at her. I blamed myself.

In fact, I was happy with the 'new, _new_ Leah'. It wasn't so obvious to us that she might be hurting more than usual as it might be to you. She was quieter; a little less snarky. We could stand to be around eachother, and she'd only bitch about half the time compared to being the permanent pain in the pack's ass that she'd been known to be.

It was like she was finally getting over everything that had happened, and finally trying to accept the hand life dealt her.

That's about the only major problem I had with the change.

Not like I'm ever gonna tell her that, but.. Once you get so used to your ex-girlfriend pining after you and showing you memories of how much you made her happy you begin to miss it when it's gone. And I don't mean miss it as in _'oh yeah she still wants me, I'm the man! Look but don't touch baby!'._

It was more along the lines of _'I'm not allowed to have you, but I think I want you. Please don't stop wanting me too.'_

I felt horrible for thinking like that. I was engaged.. Nearly in the stages of planning a family with my fiance, Emily. Leah's cousin. Leah's cousin who I left her for. Leah's cousin who I put Leah through Hell for. And, I love Emily. I loved Emily.

I imprinted on Emily.

I didn't see it that way then. I thought I loved her. Thought these feelings for Leah over the past couple of months were just random flashbacks, maybe a small amount of longing for the loose-strings romance we shared since I was about to be married. You know, the time machine image. Every guy went through it.

I didn't connect dots. Didn't know if I wanted to.

In fact, I only let myself have the nerve to even consider falling in love with Leah again when I royally screwed up sex with Emily.

Sam...Sam, _**God,**_ she breathed in my ear, her hips bucking upwards, meeting mine, as we clashed together, fitting perfectly, two halves of one perfect whole.

I didn't reply, too full of her, of us to do so. My fingers tangled in her dark hair as I pulled her up to me, my lips capturing hers, hungry and desperate.

But it wasn't Emily beneath me. At least, not in my head. There was a part of me that still wanted her, still loved her, and I clung to that part as I drove into the woman beneath me.

She tasted like the richest of spices. I still remember. Used to drive me insane.

A name slipped from my lips before I could think. A name, all I really had of the girl I had lost.

 _ **Leah**_.....

* * *

You can guess how bad it was after that. She even cried. I felt so fucking guilty. I knew she would forgive me, but I didn't know if I could forgive myself. I didn't want to hurt Emily. I didn't mean to hurt Emily.

That wasn't the only reason I felt guilty though. _'Way to go Sam, you made your fiance cry by screaming your ex's name in bed. Who you broke apart like a trash puzzle and expect to come back to you still in pieces so you can fuck everything up more. You're actually horrible. You're a shit of a person. Leah's been right about everything. Everything...'_

And things went downhill from there..

"Sam, please, talk to me!" Emily sobbed, face even more disfigured by the running make-up that streaked down her horrid scars. Scars that made the once-beautiful face permanently set into a lop-sided scowl.

I couldn't look at her. Still can't, when I think about what I did to her. To cause those scars. Couldn't face my shame in or out of bed that night. I didn't talk to her about it. Nothing more was said or drawn out of the incident then a porn star who shared my ex's name.

No. Nothing more than that.

Emily forgave me. Emily... Emily can't not forgive me, like I can never be angry at her either, and I wished she hit me, scream, throw a goddamn tantrum that brought the roof down, any fucking thing to make me feel as guilty as I should. Why couldn't she have gotten mad?

I never told anybody about what happened that night. Emily didn't either; why would she? If it got back to Leah....

Leah. Went out the next morning on patrol with her, and her thoughts were awkward and closed off. I was more on guard then ever; if she caught word of the night before she would pound me. Absolutely fucking kill me and hate me more than ever even though I deserved it. And I didn't want her to hate me.

I didn't want to ruin my life with Emily.

I didn't want to mess up how the pack looked up to me. _'Sam, mighty all-knowing Alpha extraordinaire, knowledgeable above all else. Never wrong about anything and always does the right thing.'_ Didn't want them to know I was wrong about imprinting. Didn't want them to know I was _thinking_ I was wrong about imprinting.

I didn't want to suddenly show up in the rear view mirror of Leah's life again and destroy any recovery she'd made.. Because she was so much better now.

I was so fucking wrong.. I was actually the most oblivious person, worse than all the others because I knew Leah so much better than the rest of them did and I still brushed off the signs!

Days passed and I was actually surprised I hid my thoughts so well. Pack life continued on as usual. Leah was in my mind night and day. Paul and Leah fought. Seth and Leah fought. Leah fought with her mom. Leah was quiet when left undisturbed.

_'Hey bitch, you gonna eat that??'_

_She just slid the plate over to him._

_"No. Take it. I'm not hungry.."_

_"That's a first." Paul nose-dived into the plate of eggs and bacon like there was no tomorrow and Leah just glared at him, rolled those pretty eyes. "Really though you eat like a pig Leah what's gotten into you??"_

_"Jerk." Leah hissed, getting up from the table and making her way out of the kitchen. Paul just shrugged._

_"I'd rather be a jerk then a ravin' bitch who can't even cook right." He said as he spit out a particularly hard piece of bacon. Leah was upstairs in her room with the door shut and music playing in seconds._

I said nothing.

Leah and Jared literally got so mad at each other one day when they phased because of his constant Kim-is-fucking-sexy thoughts that they snap and bite at each other. He almost took a chunk out of her hind leg before I stopped the fight. Had to keep up appearances. I didn't notice how, during the fight... Leah never tried to bite Jared anywhere that would seriously hurt. None of the places Jared took snaps at, and Leah's usually the most violent member after Paul.

More shit like this happened and I stood by. Stood by like everything was okay and I didn't say shit all about how I wanted to rip Jared's head off for annoying her. How Paul was just a dick, simply put.

Instead I did and said nothing. After all, Leah could handle herself... Leah was invincible. Right? And I couldn't let the others see me taking her well-being so seriously again..

I'm such a goddamn idiot. I'm worse than any bloodsucker or any monster will ever be.

We were so caught up in the way we expected her to act, knew her to act... We were happy she was less aggressive. We just wanted a break... We never once considered why.

If only I'd intervened. If only I hadn't been a coward and all of us hadn't been so fucking blind deaf and stupid...

If only.

It was too late when they came, when everything went down.

And it's all my fault...

_I'll never let her go._


	2. You Don't Know Me

**MS:** Enjoy chapter 2! ...Or well, chapter 1 technically; the prologue doesn't count as a chapter.

* * *

 

 

**One Month Earlier**

Paws pounded earth as the eight wolves weaved in and out of the trees.

 _'God **dammit,** I'm tired of this trail!_ ' Paul barked, leaping gracefully over a stump sticking out in the stampede's path.

 _'Who isn't?'_ Seth rolled his eyes as he ran, sandy-colored nose near the ground as he checked for scents both unfamiliar and the same. _'We haven't gotten anymore action since the Volturi left.'_

It wasn't an understatement; action surrounding the Quilleute lands had slowed to a trickle after the war between the wolves and the Cullens, and against the Volturi who were after Jacob's precious little imprint; Renesmee Carlie Cullen, daughter of Edward the leech and Bella the Martyr. (Or Jacob's obsession for the last two years, per se.)

Rogue vampires, probably after hearing about the winning confrontation, were boringly scarce these days and the wolves of La Push found themselves running the same old routes every night with not so much as a foot print to freak about. It was actually irritating. To most of them, anyway.

Same old trails, same old scenery, same old scents, same old thoughts-

Paul came to a stop when they reached the end of the treaty line. They were allowed to cross now, especially after making such an alliance with the vampires, but it was still where their patrols ended since the Cullens could look after themselves. Jacob and Seth were really the only ones who frequently felt the need to cross the boundaries.

 _'Is it just me or is something out of place here?'_ Jacob asked curiously, the light rust fur around his paws and belly was misted with dust from running behind Paul and Sam. He shook his head, body following, before stepping around Seth and looking behind Jared and Embry to land eyes on Leah.

Leah. Only female shifter in all the world. (Or so they thought.) Her silver grey fur too was coated in dust and small flecks of mud from beating feet across the forest floor, but that wasn't what had Jacob so interested. The other wolves of the pack listened with interest, picking the thoughts from the 'second' Alpha's mind.

Yes, second. Before actually attempting it, both packs who had split around the time of Renesmee's birth were fairly positive it was too difficult to have two Alphas in the same pack. Too territorial; too competing. But Jacob, although he never really had any plans of joining back up with Sam after all the shit went down, decided maybe patrolling Quilleute lands and being the protectors they were supposed to be would be easier if all the wolves reunited again. Some of his pack members had qualms, of course (mainly Leah), and Jacob could understand that, but he knew Leah would follow him where he chose to go. Ever since joining his renegade pack to escape the leering eyes of ex-boyfriend Sam Uley Leah was content to keep herself away from Sam, Jared and most of the young wolves. But mostly, she was happy because Jacob was actually a good Alpha; he had plucked her out of a bad situation and made her life remotely livable. Okay well, she wasn't happy, Jacob guessed, but he'd made her content.

Things had been different since he made the decision to rejoin Sam and pleaded with Leah to join back up as well. Hell of a lot of begging that had taken.

She did. More than reluctantly, but, she did. And that was all Jacob asked for.

The russet-furred Alpha trotted over to his previous Beta who could only look at him with eyes resembling a raised eyebrow.

_'...Yes?'_

_'What's wrong with you today??'_ Jacob asked rather bluntly. Her ears flattened against her head as a low grumble rumbled in her throat.

 _'Nothing. What's wrong with YOU today? Leech infant too busy sucking back bags of blood to spend time with you??_ ' Her bitter thoughts replied. Jacob sighed and circled Leah tiredly. His thoughts seemed as if he'd elaborate further, but Sam was the one to pick them through the quickest.

 _'It's odd that you're the last in line while we patrol. We all know how much you love to outrun us.'_ His stoic voice said.

 _'And y'know, be the world's biggest bitch in general..'_ Paul growled sarcastically, turning in a prospective circle before lying down on a mossy grove. Seth winced.

_'Jesus, there they go again..'_

Eyes in the pack, except for Sam and Jake who could only roll their's, went to Leah to await Miss Harpy's reply. Fight fight fight.

Her thoughts seemed carefully blank for a moment longer than expected; it was like waiting for a bull fight to begin, waiting to see what she was going to say.

Leah rolled her eyes. _'Whatever.'_

Sam narrowed his eyes; his fur-covered forehead wearing that crease that always seemed to appear when he got worried. Once he realized what he was doing, he made it disappear awful quick. Looking around at his pack as he isolated his thoughts, their confusing rang out loud and clear in their own heads, despite their attempts to disguise their mindsets.

 _'Wow, no bitch attack? No stupid fight? Maybe there is a god..'_ Embry. _'Hallelujah.'_

 _'The world must be ending. Fuck god. Leah Clearwater actually let a mean comment slip.'_ Stupid Quil.

 _'I could get used to this!_ ' Paul chided, howling out a laugh as Leah rolled her eyes once again at the boys as they laughed. Jacob, Sam noticed, stayed silent as the stars just like he did.

 _'Look can't we just go home now?_ ' Leah hissed, turning her back on her pack brothers with her tail wagging irritably.

Sam sighed, thoughts flooding with the idea of the meal Leah would make when they got home. It was an odd commodity, Leah taking to cooking so suddenly. Her attempts were never as good as Emily, but they sure accomodated your gut after a solid two hours running.

 _'Yes. Patrol's concluded, let's phase back._ ' Sam said, moments later turning into the handsome man he was while Leah waded afar into some bushes and tried to pretend she didn't want to look at him. The others phased too, and after they shoved on their jeans they walked out of the forest to find Leah already about 50 feet ahead of them into the rez, changed back into jean shorts and a tank top with no bra.

Sam pretended he didn't want to stare too but he didn't have half the mental resolve, as he knew he'd proved.

Since Leah was already in the kitchen upon the rest of the guys' arrival into the Clearwater household, they were met with the sound of cracking eggs and a simmering stove burner. Seth hummed his delight as they all walked into the kitchen, taking seats around Sue's small breakfast table.

A few moments later Leah turned to them and threw her dishtowel at Jacob's chest.

"I'm having a shower. Watch the eggs and don't burn em, because I sure as hell ain't making you more before I leave." She said stalely, before walking out of the guest-filled room and up the stairs.

-

She felt Jacob's eyes, and she was sure at least one more pair burn into her back as she hurried to the bathroom, just wanting to slip off the dirty tank top that was blotched with dirt and untangle all the twigs and leaves that always seemed to be attracted to her now-too-long again hair like a magnet. It was such a fucking chore...

Grabbing a CD from the desk in her room before ducking into the bathroom, Leah glanced at herself in the mirror, and she fought with her heart to keep it in one piece.

She looked haggard; pale and thin, purple bags under her eyes and her lips were cracked and chapped. Hair was simply a mess to put it lightly, and her clothes were worse than she thought. She said nothing though as she pulled off the clothes and pushed play. Loud enough to hear over the water of the shower and at the same time drown out the noise makers down below.

_In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun... Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed, This world you must've crossed... you said..._

Leah climbed into the shower and took refuge in the water, cold. Cold was all she ever felt because of her body temperature.

_You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,_

She shouldn't have thrown the towel at Jacob. She knew that. Leah sighed and ran wet hands down her wet face, watching dirt and grime from her feet swirl away down the drain as she moved.

_Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across An open field, When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry When they see you You said..._

She'd been doing that alot lately, she'd noticed. Doing something and then bringing herself to regret it. Then again, most of the things she did she ended up regretting, either that or it came back on it's own to bite her in the ass. Which was sort of why she was upset.

..More upset that usual, she supposed.

_You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah, She said You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,_

Jacob's pack had been a sanctuary compared to living with Sam and his little disciples. Everytime she would let her guard down or try to relax she couldn't help but release some pivotal little memory that she wanted to lock inside herself forever and a day; and when that happened, it was Sam who would pick up on it first like he was studying her, watching and waiting for her to make a mistake and then he'd be so ashamed when she did, so ashamed he'd even blush, ignore her and let his pack tear into her.

_She said I think I'll go to Boston... I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain... I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind... I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset, I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,_

If only Jacob would've agreed to let the packs stay seperate. No more embarassing herself, embarassing Sam, seeing much more of Emily and Rachel then she'd ever wanted to and the main reason of course, was that not being around Sam made believing she didn't want him anymore a whole lot easier.

_Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah Where no one knows my name... Where no one knows my name... Yeah Boston... Where no one knows my name._

Leah only became aware of herself singing almost silently to the words of Boston when the song cut off and a new one began. Rinsing the last of the dirt out of her soft locks with the shampoo, Leah swiped under her arms, her legs, and the between her legs zone with a razor and then stepped out from under the water.

Reluctantly, of course. Whenever she was in water these days, rain, shower, ocean or lake, she never wanted to get out. It was always gentle and peaceful in the water.

Toweling herself off, Leah studied her features in the mirror again. She only looked a little better than she did before. But hey.

She was still prettier than Emily.

Hating herself for the thoughts she could never keep behind closed doors, Leah walked quickly into her bedroom after shutting off the stereo and flicking the light. Once inside her personal space, Leah rooted through drawers until she found her favorite two-piece and slipped it on before grabbing some random tank off the floor and then a pair of white shorts.

She was about to walk out and back downstairs again when something dangling off the corner edge of her bureau mirror stopped her. It was the necklace Sam had given her, two years ago. Two months before he shacked up with her cousin.

It was a gold-chained Heart Of The Ocean replica, the heart charm a bright glittering crystal blue. The chain was longer than the one that was in the Titanic movie, and she couldn't help but wonder if Sam had it custom made. Leah wondered if she should wear it. If she should open it.

Two years since getting it, maybe a little longer and Leah would never forget the inscription Sam had ingraved inside the locket for her. ..She didn't want to want to open it.

So she forced herself not to.

Couldn't stop herself, however, from grabbing the gorgeous trinket and stuffing it into her shorts pocket along with shoving her Ipod headphones into her ears before shuffling downstairs.

Seth looked up at her, her eyes trained on the ground as she entered the kitchen.

"Where yah goin'??" His peppy voiced asked. Leah didn't hear it that well over the REO Speedwagon blasting out her headphones but she could read the curiousity in his eyes and his lips too for that matter.

"Out." He knew where she was going. She didn't know why he asked everytime.

"Well are yah gonna have some dinner before you go?" Her brother insisted, flicking his head towards the 2 frying pans of eggs Leah had whipped up for the boys and the 2 loaves of toast she'd made.

"No. Not hungry." Leah shrugged, before walking quickly past the table of wolfish boys and out the door.

Seth sighed as he watched his sister walk down the drive. "She never eats with us anymore."

"She hasn't eaten with us when she didn't have to since like, two years ago Seth." Embry said, another forkful of eggs being forked into his mouth. Seth shrugged with a sigh.

"True." Then he finished his eggs and toast.

-

Leah arrived at the La Push cliffs; They were about a 20 minute walk out of the small reservation, a 10 minute jog, and Leah's legs were burning to the beat of her Ipod as she stopped, chest heaving.

The wind whipped her ebony hair around as she looked out across the horizon. It was a sunny day in La Push; rare. But there was something almost ominous about the sun; the way the wind moved, the way the blues of the ocean beat against eachother in odd rhythms and whitecaps coated the water.

She swallowed down a lump in her throat as her hand hung by her side, fingers teasing across the mound in her pocket.

The necklace.

Her dark blue eyes drifted to the ground. 'I'll never be able to let him go if I keep doing this.'

Her thoughts drifted again to the incription written on the inside. Leah remembered when her childhood dream was to be a champion swimmer. She would time herself, torture herself underwater till she couldn't breathe anymore just to build up lung capacity, run for hours every day to keep herself fit and always, always spend just too much time in the water.

Most people find why they like something hard to describe; Leah didn't have that problem. She knew exactly why she loved the ocean.

Leah loved the ocean because everything had a set rhythm, and you could tell from miles away when something was about to go wrong, or when something was off kilter. Just from the surface. (she couldn't help but think today was one of those days.) Leah also loved the sea because it was so big and dark way down deep, and there were so many places a person could disappear to forever.

Where everything was washed clean; and you could begin anew when you resurfaced.

Wasting no more time, she pursed her lips; removed her earphones and her shorts and her tank top. Had the necklace in her hand, she looked down at it.

'I hate how I still need you. And how you're the only thing that follows me down.' Leah looked over the humongously high cliff ledge, before stepping back by about ten feet. Leah gently lifted the heart down over her head and untucked her hair.

Then she ran.

She was flying!.. It was amazing, and she couldn't help the small smile that crept onto her lilac lips as her body made peaceful contact with the deep blue abyss. The splash was minimal and the impact was comfortable.

The water cradled her, caressed her as gently as only he did once upon a time, a throbbing reminder not just the water but the subtle weight of the heart of the necklace against her own beating chest.

Leah looked around under the water.

'Dying could be just so easy', she thought, 'and I would never have to come back up or look at their faces again. I wouldn't be such a burden and everyone could move on without my interference or bitterness..' jesus, she thought like such an old woman.

Leah shook her head under the water, eyeing the craggy rocks almost eclipsed by the dark shadows yet highlighted in spots by the sun above and how the ocean always carried her safely away from them.

And then she was treading. Water parted like to the red sea for her. Face to the left, up and breathe, face to the right, up and breathe, arms keep moving and feet keep kicking. It could be never ending.

It almost was. By the time Leah's back rested against one of the rocks at the foot of the cliff, the sun was a lot lower against the wide ocean and the sky more orange then blue. She huffed out a soft sigh. Taking the Heart Of The Ocean into her hand, she pinched open the shining jewel.

_'Leah; when life is pulling you deeper and trying to drown you, swim for home. I'll always be waiting for you. Love, Sam.'_


	3. Morning Comes Faster Alone

It was even darker now, the water turning into a black, swishing hole that seemed able to swallow anything life threw into it. She didn't know how long she floated there, back against the water-worn soft rocks and stared at the old gift.

Leah remembered the day Sam had given it to her; she'd been so happy. He'd reappeared out of those dark, looming woods after being lost for weeks; told her it was her voice in his head that had lead him home. Leah and everyone else in the small community of La Push was sure the sixteen year old boy was gone for good; taken, abducted, dead, gone, forever... (Of course, she didn't know then what she knew now.) She was the only one who'd held out faith that he would come home.

And when he came home, he had the necklace in his hand.

_He walked in through the door and Leah was sure her world had stopped; the waves stopped crashing, her music went on mute and her voice caught in her throat. He was dirty; haggard looking with deep circles under his eyes and it looked like he'd actually lost weight, the small trace of a belly gone like he'd starved. His chest was bare, scathed but a few scratches and cuts and his arms were muscled, almost bigger than she could remember them being just three weeks before, but they were marred with bruises._

" _Leah," He said, his eyes at first needy when they looked at her but now so relieved the boy looked like he might've cried. They grew soft again, those deep brown pools she could get lost in._

" _Sam..." She didn't know she'd been crying; but her own voice shocked her out of her daze as it came out a sob and then she was in his arms, wrapped in those large hot arms and she was crying so hard and she didn't care. "You're back..!" She choked out, sure she was wetting his bare chest with her tears as she gripped his waist even harder._

" _Yeah, I'm back baby I'm back." One of his hands pressed her head tighter to his chest, his lips resting in her greasy unwashed hair cuz she'd been too worried about him to even care about herself the last few days. "I'm home."_

" _I was so- I just-" She kept trying to talk but all he did was shush her as he swiftly picked her up like she weighed absolutely nothing and carried them over to her unmade bed. He sat down, placing her in his lap and she curled into his chest. He was so hot, literally warm as fire and Leah loved it since she'd been cold for so long and she didn't wonder why. Sam began a leisurely rocking motion, hand entwined in her hair and Leah's tears running down his chest and stomach and her cheeks as she continued to cry her love for him. Where could he have been all this time....? What could he have been doing?? "W-Where..? Are you okay??" She suddenly perked up, both of her hands resting on Sam's tanned cheeks as she tilted his head this way and that and looking for signs of any damage on her man._

" _I'm okay Leah, I'm fine. Now." She didn't pick up on that then; She was too busy engrossing herself in him as his familiar smell permeated her nose stronger than before and she took in finally how much he'd grown and how her head fit snugly a few inches below his chin when he was sitting upright. "Lee, my love.. I missed you so much." He murmured, turning his head into her palm and kissing the soft skin there._

" _I missed you too.. Sam where the fuck were you!?" The last part of her sentence came out nearly a scream but Sam paid no heed to it as he only listened to the sadness in her voice and watched more tears drip down her face._

" _Don't you worry about that now." He said calmly, "I'm home and that's all that counts." He grinned as she nodded her head and he wiped away the tears from her red cheeks. "I have something for you."_

_He lifted her out of his lap and back onto the bed then and he got to his knees on the floor before her. Sam's left fist unclenched and inside was the most beautiful piece of jewellery Leah had ever seen. Or ever would see, for that matter._

_It was a necklace; as bright a blue as a tropical ocean and it glittered like the sun. The chain was long and gold and it looked so delicate but something made Leah believe it would hold strong. Sam's face seemed to light up more as he took in her reaction to the gorgeous trinket, and then he opened it._

" _I know you wanna be a swimmer.. I know you'll like this." His eyes shone with love, pride at seeing Leah's dark blue orbs widen at the beautiful engraving written in handwriting in the back of the locket, carved into the gold._

_Leah read it out loud to herself and tears started falling again as she tried to smile but failed miserably._

" _I love you so much, Sam." Was all she could stammer out as he locked the necklace again and slipped the beautiful Heart of The Ocean down over her neck, the heart resting between her breasts and a little below._

" _I love you more than you could ever know. And I'm always gonna be here, no matter where I am or what I'm doing." He kissed her long and hard, and the night soon turned into something a lot more passionate._

Leah didn't know just how true the last part of Sam's statement was 'til over the last three years. Sam was always there; he was there when he left her, he was there when she broke down, he was there when she pieced herself back together, and he was there when everyone else put her down.

But he was never there the way Leah needed him to be anymore.

Leah sighed to herself, shutting the locket and letting it fall against her chest once more before she looked up at the disappearing sun and decided she should probably go back. One hand at a time, braver than anyone should be, Leah scaled the rock cliff and found herself loving the risk of falling and dying.

..But then again, the ocean never seemed to let her get hurt did it?? She was always so opposite to regular people.. People who only felt safe when their feet were on solid ground and they were around the ones they loved. She felt a little more decent in the rolling ocean currents then she did anywhere else. And she never had anyone to be there with her, did she?

Leah sighed to herself again and finally made it to the top, looking one last time out across the horizon. Far far off, there were traces of dark clouds. The storm warning had been on the news; Leah paid it no mind, she never did. Mother Nature gets angry too yah know. So she pulled on her tank top and shorts over her cold wet bikini, shoved her ear phones in and began the route home again.

As she walked and she listened to music, Leah thought. Like she always did.

Everything she and Sam had, was gone. Everything was over, simply because her cousin had come to visit her. When they first broke up it was literally the roughest thing Leah had ever had to deal with, second only to her father's death. The world closed in and she figured out that for the first time, despite what everyone said, she was alone.

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away; 'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way. People are people and sometimes we change our minds; But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.._

Leah didn't understand then. Truth be told, to that day she never understood; never would. It almost became even more confusing after she'd phased and Sam explained imprinting to her. Well, didn't 'explain', more like forced her to listen as he tried to cover his tracks. Everything had changed so much.

She most of all.

_Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie. It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.. 'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down. Now I don't know what to be without you around.._

Leah came to terms, slowly, though. Never completely; she would never fully heal. Ever. No matter what happened. Because a piece of her had been ripped away when he left. And it sucked because he never actually went anywhere. He was still in La Push; still only houses away living with her cousin who she thought too would never betray her in such an evil way. Her world came down and the pieces would never be put back together.

And ever since then, since that day three years ago Leah couldn't deal with life the same way she used to.

_And we know it's never simple, never easy; Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand..._

_And I can't breathe Without you, but I have to. Breathe, Without you, but I have to_

Leah would always deny it, of course. To everyone around her and more than ever to Sam himself because if there was anything Leah hated worse than heartache it was pity. She was strong; Leah Clearwater was a storm all her own and it would tear through anything before she'd let herself get hurt. She kept trying to reason with herself; make herself come to terms even more by saying things like 'this happens to everybody', and 'you'll be over him soon.' Other people said those things too.

But people lie. Or they can just be wrong.

_Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.. People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out; Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall-out.._

_And we know it's never simple, never easy; Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand.._

_And I can't breathe Without you, but I have to. Breathe, Without you, but I have to._

She was almost home now, she started running again. She almost wanted to phase but she knew she couldn't finish the song if she did. And she knew at least one of the many pack mates around her would stumble in on her thoughts. And that couldn't happen; because, she was stronger than they thought she was... This couldn't get out. They'd find even more reasons to hate her.

'That girl's so obsessive. She's retarded. Oh and she's a liar too. She's not over Sam. Bitter bitch.'

So she would keep fighting back whenever someone took a swing because she knew it was the only way she could protect herself and her heart.

_It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend; Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me.. It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend; Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me..._

_And we know it's never simple, never easy; Never a clean break, no one here to save me, ohhh..._

_I can't, breathe, Without you, but I have to. Breathe, Without you, but I have to. Breathe, Without you, but I have to..._

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry yeah... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry....._

She was home suddenly and her legs ached as she walked inside. Fuck how Leah wished she could just leave and let herself get some piece from them. But, as much as she hated to admit it, she had Seth.

And he would never forgive her if she left him.

Looking up, Leah wasn't surprised to find everyone still perched in her house in their usual spots. Sam at the kitchen table with coffee, Paul sitting beside him with a bored face and Jared just standing. Quil and Embry in on the couch, Jacob and Seth on the living room floor playing Seth's ps3.

'So mundane,' she thought, heading upstairs. 'Everything seems to be in the wrong places around me.'

-

Sam stared up after her as she disappeared into her room. She looked so... He couldn't describe it. These last few weeks, maybe months.. Leah'd been so out of place. More so than usual, per se. But Sam couldn't bring himself to describe just how. It was like.. It was like she was making changes in her life and those changes didn't involve him and the pack so they wouldn't notice anything particular.

That thought scared him.

Leah was his, deep down he knew she always would be even if she wasn't with him. He stole her purity, trashed her self-esteem and broke the most valuable thing she had; her heart. And then the life she'd been forced into with him killed her father. Sam just brought everything down around him. He knew Leah phasing was out of everyones' control, but he still felt so responsible for it. After all.. He was the reason she'd phased.

Walking in on your boyfriend and your cousin going at it like literal wild dogs could do that to you.

He shook his head, downing another gulp of coffee. Thinking about this shit was the reason he never slept at night anymore, and why Emily was the furthest thing from his mind lately, he was sure. If he could only stop thinking about her, his life could return to relative normalcy.

Well you know, as normal as being a shape-shifting wolf who's magnetized to a chick and who fights vampires for a past time could be.

He tore his eyes away from the stairs the shewolf had ascended and looked through the archway at the younger members of his pack instead. Jacob had moved to the couch and traded spots with Embry, who was currently getting his ass kicked by Seth at a video game as Sam could tell from the sporadic curses.

But it was Jake who's eyes caught his attention.

Sam watched the other Alpha bear a thoughtful look, gaze centered on the stairs where Sam's had been. Curious. Very curious indeed. Jake was fiddling with something in his hands too, and upon closer inspection Sam found it to be one of Leah's hair clips.

Her hair, that's right.. Leah'd grown her hair out again, hadn't she? How had he not noticed that?? Briefly, he wondered if Jake had. And had to suppress a weird growl from the back of his throat at the thought.

Jared glanced at him oddly, raising an eyebrow as did Paul so Sam tried to shrug it off by clearing his throat and taking another sip of java.

...He should go talk to her. Yes. He should. He knew she wouldn't like it, butttttttt, it was worth a shot. After all, no one had thanked her for the meals she'd been preparing the last two weeks and no one had even spoken a word to her as she'd come in.

Yeah. Sam would go talk to her. He groaned inside. _'What a dumbass idea, dumbass.'_

He didn't know whether to be relieved, or agitated as the phone rung.

-

Leah, headphones in once again, listened to a song she herself had written. She was singing too of course, but in all honesty it took someone else's opinion to make yourself believe you were actually a good one. And, no one had ever heard her sing. Seth maybe did once upon a time, she sang him lullabys when she was little. But other than that, she sung when she was alone and made careful sure not to sing them in her mind when she was phased. The other thing Leah did was play the guitar; she'd attempted piano too but that was an epic fail.

She was pretty sure her mom still thought one of the boys had broken her beloved harpsichord.

But her guitar was another one of the precious attributes left to her from her father. Pretty much the only thing. It was a black acoustic with swirls of blue glitter going up one end. (No, she didn't know why her father had blue glitter on his guitar.) She imagined that maybe he'd planned to give it to her someday anyway. Or maybe Seth. (She wouldn't put pretty blue glitter past him.)

Eyeing the guitar standing against the wall at the other end of her light purple bedroom, Leah sighed. It'd been a week or two since she picked it up and attempted to write a new song. The melodies she dreamed up in her head seemed to come and go. Swimming took up a lot of her time lately. She knew music was probably more therapeutic, but there was of course a small piece of her that didn't want to get over Sam because she wanted to let the prick continue to self-suffer over what he'd turned her into. Oh and it was alot easier to be called 'normal' if you just went swimming instead of writing more break-up songs than twenty of the bubblegum pop girls could combined.

And one more thing; her songs were her private moments. If she couldn't keep to herself in her memories, she'd keep to herself in song. Turning up the volume a little on her Ipod, she listened to a song she'd written a few months before. It was all her and her guitar; no back-up vocals or drums or electric effects; the quality wasn't that good either, she'd recorded it with her cell phone and converted it to an audio file on her laptop and then stuck it on her Ipod. None the less, her own voice singing words made them more believable.

_Take a look at all your friends; See the fire, I feel the end. Then a time to love, a time to hate; a time to lose, to liberate is over.._

_I'm gunnin' for you; I'm gunnin' for you. And I will wait; I'll write another letter to myself. And I will find out morning comes faster alone.._

_Don't put yourself in the wrecking ball; Morning comes and you'll lose it all. And I feel this time and time again; I love the one, my friend.._

_I'm gunnin' for you; I'm gunnin' for you. And I will wait, I'll write another letter to myself.. And I will find out morning comes faster alone._

_I'm gunnin' for you; Yeah, I'm gunnin' for you; Yeah, I'm gunnin' for you.. I'm gunnin' for you.. And I will wait, I'll write another letter to myself. And I will find out that morning comes faster alone.._

_I started to bleed; I started to shake; I'm going insane.. I started to see you; I started to run.. It started to rain._

_I started to see you; I started to run. Oh, baby I'm ok. Baby I'm okay; Baby I'm okay.._

_Baby I'm Okay._

For some reason it seemed inappropriate to play the next song on her Ipod. She didn't know why, but Leah found herself shutting off the music anyway and pulling back the covers on her bed. It was early; the sun had set completely about half an hour ago. Maybe it was eight? Eight-thirty? She didn't know and she almost didn't have the strife to pull out her cell and look; more adequately, she didn't care. Leah was tired, and when people got tired people slept.

Pulling on some pjs and dumping her dirty clothes in a corner on her floor (ever one of the messiest people ever), headed for her bed. The warmth was really tempting. Her sleep was rare, but undisturbed when she was allowed the chance to finally get it. But there were always these small interruptions-

The was a knock at her bedroom door.

Leah cursed and went to open it, only to see tall and handsome Jacob Black. Leah still couldn't pinpoint the exact moment in time when Jake had turned from boy to man. She thought it might've been when he'd saved her from one of that bitch Victoria's goons, and ended up getting the entire left side of his body smashed in.

Her fault again.

"Hey." He smiled.

That big, cute, stupid smile.

"Hey." She said, voice softer than she'd intended. "What do you want?" Leah couldn't help but try to shield herself behind her door, seeing as she slept in underwear and an almost-see-through white tank top. Jesus all she wore was tank tops when she really thought about it.

"Nothin' really... Well, we just got a call from my dad and Old Quil." He said, running a hand through his choppy black hair. It too had grown out some, letting him maintain some of his boyish charm that the muscles usually concealed.

"Oh yeah?" She asked, faking interest. "What did they want?" _'Probably to shoot me, or let me die of insomnia. I'd rather be shot. But then in my case, I guess it's called getting 'put down' isn't it?'_

"Apparently there's another pack."

"Oh whoopee."

Jake rolled his eyes.

"They're Canadian, I think. Cree. They've heard about us too and their Alpha wants to arrange a meeting. You know, probably get some partnership thing on the go." Leah nodded at his words, faintly wishing for another girl and then wanting to strangle herself because wishing this on some other poor unfortunate chick was a crime. "They're comin' down to the rez in a few days for a meet and greet."

Leah nodded again.

"..So?" She finished. _'Fuck I'm tired..'_

"Uhhh... Just thought I'd tell yah." Jacob said, hand not leaving his rustled hair. Leah sighed and nodded.

"Well thank you. Now I'm goin' bed. Goodnight, Jacob." She said annoyingly, about to close the door.

A dark hand stopped it from shutting.

"Oh, and Leah??"

"What now??"

"Um... I'm glad you decided to stay in the pack with us and everything.." Leah fought to keep her jaw clenched. She searched his eyes; no trace of lies or sarcasm. Jake was actually telling the truth. It was surprising, to say the least. Well she'd seen Jake be nice before but it was usually only because he had to be. And usually only when they were dealing with an oncoming bloodsucker apocalypse.

But once again, no lies or sarcasm shone in Jacob's wolfish eyes. That left Leah to fill the void.

"Yeah I bet you are." She snorted. "Probably for the same reason you're staring at my legs while I'm in my underwear."

Jacob turned bright red and his orbs flew back to her own.

"N-No-"

"Okay Jake. Can I go to sleep now?? _Please?_ " Leah begged fakely, giving Jake an annoyed grunt.

Jake gulped and turned away. "Yeah, sure... Night, Leah."

"Bye." Her voice turned soft all of a sudden and she knew she had to shut the door. So she did fairly fast and then she was in her bed. Sleep came quickly; songs played in her head and she dreamt about swimming. She dreamt about Sam.


	4. Like You're Movin' In Slow Motion

Leah was in that state where you're half awake and half asleep and you can hear what's going on around you, and sometimes you can see, and your thoughts are all so jumbled up they could only make sense to you right then as you are. She could hear birds singing from the trees outside her bedroom window, but could only guess they wouldn't be there for long because the room had that dingy quality to it; the kind of scene where everything's grey and you just knew it was either raining or going to rain outside.

She sighed softly, turning onto her stomach and grabbing her bed covers, pulling them over herself eagerly. It wasn't like she was that cold; it was more or less the fact that she felt as secure in her bed as she did when she was swimming. It was warm and soft and always so peaceful.

She'd memorized it well; she spent just as much time curled up in there when Sam left her as she did in the sea.

Leah wished in her head that she could stay there forever. She wouldn't have to hide so much anymore if she just didn't have to deal with life being so intrusive. Nowadays she barely got to see her bed; it was patrol this, patrol that, bitching about this, bitching about that, Cullens something er other.

She truly was tired of it and could only wish things would go back to being simple again. If only she could stay here forever-

More damn knocking. Leah almost felt like she could cry (not literally) at the sound of the familiar loud rapping on the door. She growled instead.

"Lee! Get the hell up, we're all goin' to Old Quil's to meet that new pack!" Seth's too-loud voice said. Leah cringed before opening her eyes to the exact grey scene she'd thought about in her head. Had more than a day already passed? Really? It felt like it was only last night it was Jake who'd bothered her with his knocking...

But no; this was Leah's second day in bed. She remembered now; said she hadn't been feeling well as an excuse to get out of patrol the next morning and used it again that night. Sneaky yes, but when you gotta sleep you gotta sleep. Even the bitch needed her beauty sleep.

She winced again and ran a hand through her bed-head black hair as Seth banged on her door once again.

"LEAH!"

She looked around the dingy room before pushing herself out of bed and over to the door.

Looked like the fun was over.

"Yeah, you go ahead. I'll be there in like ten." She grumbled, opening the door for about three seconds before slamming it in her brother's face again. She heard her brother mumble something along the lines of 'lazy asshole' before his footsteps cued his retreating back down the stairs.

Leah took a deep, depressed breath before grabbing her hair brush, her iPod, and shoving on some random clothes. It was time to live again.

The boys had left without her like she'd told Seth, so Leah had to jog for ten minutes to catch up to them. Once she slowed to a stop she walked beside the seven, Jake and Seth the only ones sensible enough to wear a shirt instead of just torn jeans. She rolled her eyes at it; she wasn't exactly dressed to impress either (red tee and a faded out jean miniskirt), but she at least had some decency. None of them could really be bothered to wear too many clothes, it was a pain in the ass when you had to phase quickly and they got ruined. None of them owned anything overly expensive either.

The only thing Leah wore that was remotely of worth was the necklace. But she wasn't about to let that be seen; so she tucked the jewel down under the neckline of her shirt, feeling the cool gem nestle in the hollows between her breats and even wore a bra to further disguise it. Only the thin gold chain was visible, and her long wavy hair took care of that quite well.

"So what else did Old Quil say about this pack?" Jared asked, stretching his impressive muscles.

"Nothin' really. Said there's four guys and only one of 'em has an imprint that's taggin' along. They're Cree, apparently from far up north across the Canadian border," Jake shrugged.

"Hmm," Embry murmured, "Know any of their ages?"

"Apparently they're all pretty tight to us. Their Alpha's nineteen, I don't know how old the chick is but two of the other guys are eighteen and the last one's seventeen." Sam just nodded at Jacob's words, rerunning legends Old Quil, Harry and Billy had told him in his head. He couldn't remember mentions of any other packs ever seeing the light of day.

"Hopefully this alliance thing will be a go," Seth said, forever the optimist. "It's nice to know we're not the only ones around."

Paul sighed and cracked his knuckles.

"Yeah I guess, but we're obviously the bigger pack so that makes us stronger than them." Leah rolled her eyes.

"Size isn't everything, you douchebag." She spat, instantly regretting it. Paul snarled at her and scoffed.

"Pretty sure it is to you. All chicks like big ones don't they?" He smirked, accepting Quil and Embry's chuckles as fellow 'fuck-you's to Leah and eyeing the shewolf, waiting for the coming explosion.

Leah rolled her eyes. ..Saw another opportunity.

"I wouldn't know." She said, walking faster ahead of them. "I've never had a huge one."

She felt like she should be, but couldn't be prideful about the comment as she heard the footsteps all stop behind her and could practically feel Sam's eyes boring holes into her back. Paul hissed in pain.

"Sorry Sam, my man."

The Alpha just sighed heavily and was the first one to start walking again. He was so used to this by now. Leah, however, was almost feeling the borders of unknown territory. She really _must_ be getting over Sam. She almost didn't see fun in hurting him anymore. What she said was a lie anyway. She remembered her first time with Sam. Chanting curse words in her head to try and numb herself to the pain of him stretching her, making herself stare into Sam's gorgeous eyes and hearing herself tell him it didn't hurt when it fucking _did_.

Leah shook her head out of the memory and pulled open the door of Old Quil's small cabin. Hearing his warm old voice murmur hello, she had to force herself to smile weakly at him and nod. She couldn't be cuntly to Old Quil. It was like trying to be mean to your grandmother; it just didn't seem right. The rest of the boys walked in a second later and they all took their usual places once again. It was sad that they all spent so much time out of their own houses they had rehearsed spots for nearly every person's house in La Push.

"I'm glad to see so much enthusiasm for this group's visit." Old Quil smiled, the leadership and pride outstanding in his voice. His eyes shone against his brown crinkled skin, the only reminder of his age. The boys greeted Old Quil friendly and Sam soon shook hands and hugged the elder, exchanging conversation about recent pack happenings and this and that about the newcomers, other random things Leah found no interest in. With a sigh, she looked around the room and found herself to be the only one not engaged in some form of chitchat.

Well, that was _her_ usual place, wasn't it? It was sad that she had learned to take solace in that.

Only a couple minutes after though, there was a low knock on Old Quil's door and once his grandson opened it, there stood five faces who would hold places in Leah's dreams and memories forever.

She could only assume the Alpha was the first one to step inside; he was tall, maybe the same height or even the least bit taller than Sam who was actually pretty huge. His skin was light, almost as light as her own and his lips were thin but set into a hard line. His hair was a little long, to his chin. He didn't look... Entirely unpleasant, but in Leah's eyes, everyone just failed in comparison to her boys.

Behind the leader were three other guys, one pretty lanky but Leah could tell he could probably give her a run in the speed department. His hair was cropped to a skull trim, but his eyes were surprisingly soft like they didn't belong in his hard-set face. The last man, a little shorter than the other two was an overall average kid, not totally built but not skinny and his hair was cut boyishly almost like her brother's. The last one was hand in hand with a girl, and they both seemed so perfectly matched it was almost unreal. In a creepy, twisted little way because those two seemed related. Their hair was the same shade of dark oak and their skin was dark too, but upon seeing the others in the room they both flashed brilliant white smiles. Easy going, friendly.

Almost.

"I am glad to see you made the journey unscathed." Old Quil said, opening his arms to invite the five into his home. They all nodded their thanks. The Alpha with the chin-length hair was the first to step forward and place his hand into the Quileute elder's.

"You've honoured us by inviting us into your home, sir. We're pleased to make your acquaintance. My name is Karl Flying Arrow; I'm the Alpha of this pack." His eyes roamed over the other patrons in the room, and they landed on Leah.

He looked up and down before a body obstructed his view.

Leah was thankful as Sam held out his hand as well.

"Sam Uley. I'm one of the Alpha's of this Quileute pack and we're very glad to have you with us. Please make yourselves comfortable and introduce yourselves. My brothers and sister will do the same."

Oh wow. Sam had actually acknowledged her instead of just saying brothers. That was a new one. He usually fucked that up alot, actually. Always took her a reminding growl to set him straight, but over the last month or so Leah had let the slip-up go by unpunished. It was just Sam's wishful thinking, after all.

"Thank you. I'd like you to meet the rest of my pack." The Alpha, Karl, stepped aside then and took a seat on the only empty couch left in Old Quil's house. The one with the buzz cut nodded his head, his arms crossed. But he flashed a smile non-the-less.

"My name's Brandon Frazer, I'm the Beta. Nice to meet you guys." He held out a pale hand that Sam warmly took, handing out a friendly shake. Jake grinned and shook the guys hand as well.

"I'm Jacob Black. I'm the second Alpha of the pack." Upon seeing the look on Brandon's face, Jake just smirked. "Don't ask; long story." Brandon seemed to accept the answer, shown in his smile-and-nod. Leah sighed, watched the rest of the introductions take place. The third guy was a Nathan Cordero; And the couple was Keith Towhan and a Janice Muller; imprintees. She knew the rest of her pack would have to make small-talk hello's now and she wasn't so likened to announcing her name and drawing attention to herself like that, rude or not.

It was just so... Gay.

"..Embry Call." More hand shaking and then Leah felt Jake's eyes scan her up and down, waiting for her to make the move.

She wasn't gonna.

There was a sigh. "Her name's Leah." Seth said.

"I can speak for myself!" She spat. The new pack raised their eyebrows. Smirking they turned to each other while the chick giggled. Yeah, Leah really didn't like them.

"So who's imprint are you?" Keith asked her, his curious eyes dancing around over every guy in the room from Sam and Jake's pack, like he expected one of them to jump up with a grin and a raised hand. (She wished.)

".." Leah wasn't about to elaborate on that. There was a moment of silence; then of course Sammy the Great had to speak up.

"She doesn't have an imprint... She's a shifter, just like the rest of us." You could've sworn you could hear jaws hitting the floor.

Karl, the Alpha, stood up from the table and in a few quick, vicarious steps he was in front of Leah, looking down at her sitting in the loveseat. It was like some terrifying magnetic pull and her eyes met his. No, she didn't imprint; what Leah felt was _not_ admiration or love.

Her entire body froze the moment his brown eyes locked onto her's. Leah felt someone walk over her grave.

"You... You're a female shifter." He hesitantly spoke, eyes not wide but not un-surprised either.

"..Yeah." She muttered, gulping.

Jake caught it, and when the Alpha flicked his eyes up to Sam he saw his other Alpha had noticed it too. Jake stood up, planting a hand on Karl's shoulder and 'always by accident' shoved him a little backward from his previous-Beta. Leah's eyes dropped to the floor as soon as the eye contact broke.

"Yeah, we know it's rare, or.. Never happened before, but it's happened here so we try not to think much of it." Jacob said, nodding once curtly before sitting back down. Karl returned his gaze to the female wolf again though.

"How... Interesting." His tone of voice gave Sam a chill and he coughed to hide a growl. He knew this guy was making Leah uncomfortable.

"It really is amazing, isn't it Keith? Brandon?" Janice spoke up, clutching the cup of coffee in both her hands as her intense gaze focused on Leah as well.

Leah grit her teeth. What the fuck was this?? Had she grown an extra head or something?? Yes, she was a female shifter, no need to stare at her like she belonged in some sideshow attraction...

..Or like she was something they could cut up and eat.

"Oh I think it's awesome." Brandon smirked, Leah thought, maybe a smile he intended to be charming but came out bone-chilling instead. Nathan nodded as well.

"Strange.. But it's pretty cool, gotta say."

"Well I'm glad _you_ think so." Leah let the sauce slip, seeing Paul roll his eyes as her attitude suddenly seemed resurrected. Leah looked down and was about to sigh before she felt a familiar hot hand rest gently on her shoulder. Looking up through her dark bangs, it was Sam, and his gaze was almost heated, almost feral and it was centered on Karl.

"It was very nice meeting another pack, and I'm glad we've agreed to form an alliance with you if the need should ever come. But forgive me for sounding rude, this pack has other needs to attend to and I mean what kind of protectors would we be if we spend the whole time talking?"

".."Leah was silent at the odd tone in Sam's voice. His hand on her shoulder.. Just that demure touch sent warm spirals into Leah's gut as she closed her eyes at the missed sensation.

The Cree pack bid their goodbyes; explained where they were staying (a cabin on some no-name street a few miles across the Canadian border) and left.

So that was that. Sadly, as soon as they'd made their retreat so did Sam's hand; Leah found herself opening her eyes and feeling sadder than she had all week.

-

Sam shut his house door behind him and let out a groan as he stretched. It was nice, he had to admit, to have more wolves, but those guys.. The way they stalked Leah with their eyes and the way they were so damn interested was a little more than Sam had anticipated.

He knew they were going to be a little surprised; She was the only female shapeshifter ever, his ex was sure to warrant at least a little extra attention, right?...

Maybe wrong. Maybe it was just the way they spoke. The strange, ominous tones in their voices that made it seem like she was something to eat, something to claim. And even then they'd barely said a few words. That thought sent a shiver down Sam's spine and he spun quickly, flinging his cut-offs across the room with a snarl.

He saw Emily step out of their bedroom with a cocked eyebrow.

"..I'm sorry babe, I'm just so damn tired." Sam groaned, scrubbing a hand down over his face.

See, this was the sort of thinking he wished he could banish from his mind. This cursed _jealousy,_ these barren instincts that seemed to kick up a notch every time Leah was around. He hated it.

..Or did he?

His fiancé smiled a worn, but soft little smile. "Really? If you want to, you can go right to bed, but.. I made you muffins, and I was hoping we could talk.." Her quiet voice filled the air in the strangely-empty-feeling house.

Sam's eyes met her's and he sighed.

"Of course we can talk Em, anything you want. What's wrong??" How could he be possibly thinking that he _didn't_ want to talk???

"Well..." Those kind hazel eyes he'd loved the moment he'd seen them flicked from left to right in no particular hurry, and then she bent down to pick up his discarded pants. "It's mostly about you, actually.."

He gulped. Not now. He wasn't in the mood to go through the talk tonight. Not now. He didn't have an excuse prepared this time..

"You never called last night yah know.." Sam sighed deeply, and once more he scrubbed his hands down over his face and this time he felt sweat beads on his forehead; could feel that crease there.

"I know.. I'm sorry babe. " Why hadn't he called her?... That's right.. He'd spent from 8 PM to 1 AM, sketching around outside the Clearwater household. He'd been keeping his eye on a certain black window, one where the light never came on and he found himself wondering how a person could sleep so much. Sam remembered her calling Jared and telling him she was gonna skip out on patrol because she hadn't been feeling well, but to be honest he didn't believe her.

(Really. Who _would_ believe Leah Clearwater these days about something like that?)

Still.. That little piece of info irked him and sent him crawling to her house to spend a night squatting in moss groves, patiently waiting for a sign that she was okay like her walking past her window, blasting music or seeing her sneak out to go for a swim.

But there was nothing. Her light was out the whole time, the room seemed... It seemed like death.

"I just forgot.. It's just that there's been a lot of research, a lot of stuff we had to go through for preparation to meet the new pack. I'm sorry." He reached out his hot arms, and enveloped Emily in a hug. He sighed softly into her shoulder, that familiar, downy cotton scent of her hair relaxing. Sam hoped all this was just a phase. He needed it all to be a phase, because... He didn't really wanna let Emily go. He did love her..

Right? How else could what he was doing that moment feel so perfect?? Like it was a natural reflex, not a gesture. It was a lifestyle. Knowing he was falling back into love with Leah would shake the hell out of that.

"Ohh..." She rubbed a hand up and down his back, her perfectly manicured fingers knowing just where to rub to work out tension. "I was just a little worried about you.. I mean, you know I go to bed at 11:30 and I woke up to go to the bathroom later and you still weren't home, so..."

The tone in her voice hurt Sam. It was... It was fear, shaking Emily's normally so calm, soft voice. It was still soft; maybe too quiet for Sam. He would've liked to see her get angry, maybe drop a curse worse or two. But no. She was perfect Emily; always forgiving to him, always understanding even when basic instinct told her not to be because she believed he was perfect too.

Sam could not tell her where he'd been last night. Never. He didn't like her voice sounding like this. Leah's sounded the same way when he'd told her he was leaving her.

"It was a late night. I'm sorry babe, really." He brushed her neck with his lips, kissing the soft skin and gently petting her hair. "It won't happen again." He managed a small, reassuring smile when he saw her eyes light up the way they usually did when he got home. "It's been a boring pack month y'know, I'm sorta looking for any excuse to do some extra work or patrols." She nodded and flashed him a toothy smile.

"My hard-working man. God, I love you." This time Emily's hand dipped lower than the middle of his back, actually stopping with a brush of her finger over his ass-crack before she latched onto his neck gently, sucking at the salty skin there. He couldn't help the groan that escaped his throat when she did that and his hand went to her own ass out of reflex. There was that heat, that feral part of the wolf that wanted to escape every time a girl used that tone of voice. Especially Emily or-

The duo made it to the bedroom quicker than they'd planned.

But it still scared Sam how this time it didn't feel right; and when she climbed atop him to release some of her energy, he felt like pushing her off.

-

Leah sat on the couch and hadn't moved for nearly two hours. Jake was sitting on the floor beside Seth, doing their usual; Halo on ps3. Every now and then when Seth would pause to eat a few chips or chug another can of soda, Jake would find himself looking back at her and she hadn't moved at all. Her eyes were staring straight ahead, seemingly on the game but Jacob knew Leah wasn't watching.

"Hey... Leah, you okay?"

Her eyes flew to him as he snapped her out of her thoughts and she scoffed.

"What is it with you and asking me if I'm okay?" She said. For some reason, Jacob found that there was less bite behind her words than she'd intended. How... very odd.

He cocked an eyebrow. And then he couldn't stop himself. Jacob saw his own hand move for her's on her lap.

Leah stood up before he could make it and stepped over Jake and her brother who too was looking quite confused.

"Well Jake, as okay as I would be if you _weren't_ spending the night over here again? No." This time the bitch was back in full swing and _what the holy fuck_ was Jake thinking for attempting to hold her hand and telling her she could talk to him about anything?

Jesus, women!

Seth just sighed. Jake huffed impatiently and rolled his eyes.

"Bitch."

Leah's back was already turned and she was halfway up the stairs by then, but she'd still heard him.


	5. If I Had My Way I'd Never Get Over You

The next day started off like any other.

Leah was robbed by precious sleep from Jake. Leah was forced to go out on patrol. Leah was, once again, dead on her feet.

It just kept getting better and better.

Jake's russet fur ahead of her was a stark contrast to the greens and browns of the forest, all blurring past them as once again the same old tired trail was ran. The sky was even darker today than it had been yesterday and Leah was surprised it hadn't already started raining. There was serious doom and gloom outside.

But leave it to Jacob Black to be as annoying and exhausting as possible on a day when Leah wanted nothing more than to go home, lie back in bed and die. Her Alpha continuously tried to start meaningless conversations with her, talking about this and that, who and who and so and so. The environment around her started to mesh together and as it looked like some watercolor gone wrong Leah realized she'd stopped listening forever ago.

' _..so then Embry and I needed to replace the muffler and so-'_ Jake brought up solid, stopping still as a stone and as he expected Leah slammed into his hind quarters with enough force to move him a few inches. ' _Jesus, Leah are you really that off in space?_ ' Jake snapped, turning on his paws and staring down his former Beta. (Position went right back to Jared when the packs joined up again. _How surprising._ )

Leah whined low in her throat, cursing and telling herself to wake up and get with it. Jake cocked a wolfish eyebrow as he listened to her try to sort through her thoughts and watched her shake the surprise from her body from their collision.

' _What is_ ** _wrong_** _with you?'_ Leah snapped.

' _What's wrong with_ ** _me?_** _Says the one who makes a worse listener than a vacuum cleaner!'_ Jacob rolled his eyes with a low growl from his chest.

' _Well, I'm not very attentive at hours I'm usually asleep!'_ Leah growled, hackles rising dangerously. Then suddenly, they dropped and she shook her head.

 _'Look, I'm just still tired okay?_ ' She grumbled. Just for effect, Leah flashed pictures of her swimming from the day before to make herself seem more exhausted.

' _Leah, you're always tired! Besides, we've been running patrol the same time we always do, what the fuck has made it so difficult for you these last few months? Why are you suddenly so damn exhausted all the time?'_

Her ears flattened against her skull and she weaned in annoyance. Sometimes, it didn't seem like she was _tired,_ more like.. She just didn't feel the need to get out of bed.

She could practically feel Jacob rolling his eyes. _'That's rich, Leah. Forget to hide your thoughts?'_

Oops. Yes she did. This was the exact reason why she didn't like being around them; she couldn't soak in her own misery, she couldn't do the things she wanted, she couldn't keep any secrets, she had to be around Sam all the time, _and_ she couldn't be on the defence for herself without them ranting and raving about what a bitch she was.

Jake frowned, reading her thoughts.

' _And here I thought me and you were beginning to understand each other.'_ He pouted and Leah could've sworn that wolf could pull a sad face. Jake extended his front paws and leant towards her before arching his hind quarters into the air, tail a-wagging and eliminating Leah's idea that he was sad. _'I know what'll make you not tired anymore!'_ He barked. _'Race me around the Cullens' place!'_ Holy shit, a wolf winked at her.

Jacob ignored her surprise.

Leah just sat back on her haunches, tail flat on the ground before making one annoyed thump and sweeping some underbrush away from her.

' _I'm_ ** _really_** _not in the mood, Black. Really._ ' She sighed, looking everywhere but his face.

...Now _there_ was a new one. Leah Clearwater; afraid of Jacob Black's racing speed? Since when?

Leah snarled at his thoughts (it worked). Jake yipped at her, even going so far as to lean forward more and snag her silver ear between his teeth. _'Come on Leah, we both know you just don't wanna race because you know I'm faster than you!'_

Leah flicked her head and removed herself from his mouth, luckily only losing a bit of fur in the process, but instead of taking off and thus kicking his sorry ass, she walked away.

' _I don't want to race because I'm tired.'_ She said calmly.

Even the tone of her thoughts seemed like a parent who was losing patience with an over-active child. But it _was_ Jacob, was there a difference?

As the news really did sink into Jake's skull, he plastered on a real pout and trotted over in front of his previous Beta, tail hanging limp. _'Okay, I am_ **so** _not buying this... Come on Lee, what is wrong? I'll beg yah for the answer. Want me to beg? Huh?'_ His playful banter made Leah fight against the urge to at least send the boy a small smile, something to show she was appreciating his attempts at amusing her, but she had nothing. She knew she _should_ smile; or at least say thanks but then she remembered all the other times they never had the same courtesy and she just growled low in her throat.

' _No, Jake, I'm tired. Just plain friggen' exhausted, so can we please finish patrol without you irritating the shit out of me so I can go home and sleep?_ ' She mind-snapped at him quickly. Jake whimpered and leaned backwards.

' _Fine. See where being nice gets me?'_

' _It'll get you a black eye pretty soon if you don't shut up.'_

That did it, and Jake just had to growl back. (Nowadays, anger was easier to accept from them than kindness; the latter was just too rare.)

' _Stop being such a cunt, seriously. I only wanna help you Leah, for Christ's sake.'_ Jake chattered on, turning his rust-colored furry back on her and walked away, back along the route of patrol. He could practically feel Leah's mental eye roll, but her thoughts went into that strange lapse of single-minded silence, like when he was talking about fixing his rabbit with Embry earlier.

Luckily Jake was becoming an expert, along with Sam at keeping his own thoughts to a minimum when others were around, like the whole character freakin' sketch monologue he could just hear himself begin to spout in his head. Leah on the other hand had learned to shut down her thoughts completely. She did a nice job of hiding them nowadays.

And that was good too. Actually it was freakin' fantastic because Jake was tired of seeing polaroids of happier times with Sam flashing back and forth in Leah's head. He'd seen more of his fellow Alpha then Jake had ever wanted to know about and he was sure it had scarred him for life. He knew sometimes she didn't try it, but sometimes Leah _was_ deliberately cruel enough to fill the pack's minds with images they didn't want to see. Like Embry's parentage; that was mean.

And so the pack would fire back; hell Jake had fired back a thousand times. Never the type of stuff that Paul and Jared thought about (Paul had this one particular dark little fantasy where he actually just turned around and ripped her throat out with his teeth; Leah seemed unaffected and practically expectful.) and Jared just wanted to punch her in the face sometimes. Leah welcomed that too because Leah Clearwater was not scared of a pack of ruddy boys. Clearly.

The only thing she was afraid of _was_ in the pack though, and he had memories that could shut her up in a moment or send her packing home. Jake had encouraged it a lot actually, for Sam to relay those memories he'd have from dinner with Emily that morning and kissing her as he left for patrol. Visions of them going to bed at night and their small gestures of the love Leah would never have with him ever again.

Jake had to agree that it was cruel sometimes yeah, but sometimes it was just fair.. Leah was really spiteful, really bitter. In all honesty she should've been over him years ago. It had been nearly three now. It was time to move on, like fuck.

That _was_ the reason he got so angry every time he heard Sam's name in her mind, wasn't it? Because she gave his fellow Alpha no peace? Sometimes, and fuck one of those times was now because this discussion with himself always seemed to show up when he thought about her, he didn't think that was the reason why. Leah had grown very close to him when they formed their own pack and rebelled against Sam's gag order when Bella was pregnant. And sometime during those few weeks together Jake had come to understand Leah just a little better; He liked to think that way anyway. Actually he liked to think about her a lot; that was why he questioned his apparent 'jealousy' whenever Sam was concerned.

It wasn't like he _liked_ Leah that way. He had an imprint and he loved Renesmee to pieces even though all she needed the Quileute native to be at the moment was a good friend. And, it wasn't like he hadn't _thought_ about Leah that way.. In all honesty he was pretty sure every dang member of the pack had thought about that way the first time she'd phased in all her naked glory. (Yeah, they considered it for about twenty minutes before they got the whiplashing of a lifetime from the only female shifter.)

Around the time of splitting off from Sam though, those feelings had obviously intensified a bit from being in more close proximity and sharing that special Alpha-Beta connection with Leah. They talked more and more and could be remotely _civil_ to eachother at the best of times. He liked to think he'd made things better for her; and he had, according to her testimony. Jacob had indeed seen the day when Leah had become less annoying then Paul.

Actually, she still _was_ less annoying then Paul. Just a hell of a lot more tantalizing. But anyway, then Jake had gone and agreed to reunite the packs again and they were back to surname basis.

He'd never admit it of course (he was pretty damn glad he'd learned to hide some thoughts so Leah wouldn't hear), but he missed their connection. A lot.

And that's where everything comes back to Sam and Emily because they were the ones who turned Leah into what she was today; a nuisance who 'deserved to be taken out back and shot' according to Paul. Jake didn't agree with that at all.. But what the fuck could he do, really? He couldn't make the guys stop hating her and he couldn't make himself stop getting mad every time she was bitchy to him. It was a full-circle type of deal.

If only she'd stop. If only Leah wasn't so goddamned difficult Jake would do everything in his power to try and help her get over Sam. Hell, even lately he was having ideas about how to do that..

...And how did you know if something would work if you didn't have the balls to try it?

With a sigh, Jacob stopped running. Leah's soft foot falls from about thirty feet behind him stopped as well.

' _Can we phase back now? I wanna go home._ ' Typical Leah. Jacob thought nothing, just phased back to human form and pulled on his torn-up jeans. He turned back to look at her and gave her a nod. Leah turned and walked into some bushes, to which Jake saw shake and a small glimpse of her bare back before she stood up straight in her regular pair of white shorts and a loose-fitting black tank top.

It was time to shake things up a bit.

Leah pulled her hair from the straps of her tank top. Turned around and found Jacob Black a lot closer to her than she remembered. Cocking an eyebrow, she stepped backward only to have Jacob's hand land on her waist and tug her right back up close and personal.

"Um, what the hell are you doing?" She asked, placing a hand on his chest and trying to shove him away. She looked up at him with surprised dark blue eyes. A lot of people thought they were brown; Jake could see now that they were wrong.

"This." He replied simply before reaching forward, pressing his lips to hers.

For a moment, she stood rock still, the feel of his lips on hers rough and dry.

And it didn't feel bad. Not bad at all.

Jacob Black was _kissing_ her.

Oh, holy _fuck._

Pulling away, gasping she stared at him.

"Jake, what the fuck?!" He grinned at her, cheekily.

"Just wanted to see what you'd do."

"And you're a about find out! I'm going punch your lousy face in Black, and unlike Dumbella, it'll actually hurt!"

"Your lips are softer than hers."

"Ugh, I did _not_ need to know that. Lesbian dreams are more than enough to handle, thank you."

"Oh, come on." He said snatching her hand and pulling her closer. "You liked it."

"I'm sorry," She gritted her teeth. "But do you get some sort of sick pleasure kissing girls who don't want to be kissed and then telling them they liked it, or are you just a sucker for pain?"

Crap, she was going to stomp the asshole's feet with all her might if he didn't let her go. A tiny part of her mind registered that Jake's hands were warm, very warm, and she liked men with a firm grip, didn't she?

Well she told that tiny part to fuck off.

Ripping her hands out of his, shouting out threats and obscenities, Leah flipped her hair, turned around, death threats still being yelled out loud and strong, and stomped home.

***********

Leah slammed her bedroom door behind her and sat down on her bed with a huff.

The fucking _nerve_ of that kid! Ah, well, maybe not kid. Jake was a little older than she was, not that he ever acted that way. Most of them were in fact, still didn't stop them from being totally immature. Fucking Jake with his stupid grin and his goddamn hot bod-

'I need to cool down.'

Leah's eyes danced around her room till they landed on what she was looking for. Purple bikini and her blue iPod. Grabbing both she was out the door.

Seth, seated at the kitchen table, cocked a brow. ' _Please_ be something NOT to do with Sam or the pack.' He just groaned inwardly and returned to his Gameboy.

-

About half an hour later Leah was feeling that familiar burn in her lungs and her legs from running full-out on a completely empty stomach and not stopping once. Looking out at the looming darkness the grey clouds brought huddling over La Push, Leah all but sighed deeply.

Today definitely made her list of things she never thought she'd do in her life. She'd friggen kissed Jacob Black.

She'd friggen kissed Jacob Black, and it was kinda nice.. . but then, Jacob Black had an imprint.

Leah practically felt her heart rip in two from the sheer thought of reality and she grit her teeth to stifle a scream. Not this again... Fuck, no, not this again.

No. There would _be no_ that again. Pulling her tank top off over her head, Leah stared down at the swirling water below. Never. Not in a million years. She would jump off and drown before she ever let herself be torn apart by an imprint again. In fact, just thinking about it made jumping off and drowning seem like a pretty good deal.

'No Leah, think of Seth. Think of your mom. ..Though all she seems to be thinking of these days is Charlie Swan's saggy balls-' She jumped.

'NO. NO, LEAH. Enough of that. Never, EVER think of that again. Never.'

Jesus. As her body collided with the cold water she was beginning to think this day was right up there on the list of days that scarred her for life; right up next to the day Sam said he didn't wanna be with her anymore and that night she went to her-HIS, house; ..Found him and Emily fucking like rabbits on the couch.

Yeah. Drowning seemed like a pretty good idea. And suddenly the necklace around her neck felt like a dead weight against her chest. Dragging her down.

Letting her body sink down deeper and deeper to the murky depths, Leah replayed the day with Jake behind her eyelids to try and shed some light on the situation (get her mind off of Sam). He didn't like her that way; right? Sure, she and Jake had grown closer lately, but that connection was lost as soon as he made her go back to Alpha extraordinaire Sammy. And Jake had Renesmee, no matter whether she was a highly intelligent baby or not.

Besides, Leah didn't like Jake in that way... How was she supposed to explain it to him if that's what Jake was getting at?

As her air began to run out, Leah seriously pondered just tying cement blocks to her ankle and letting herself become fish food. This day was _way_ too much. She was too tired to deal with all of this crap. With an underwater sigh, she shot herself back up to the surface and looked down at the wet jewel between her breasts.

Why did she keep doing this to herself..? Why couldn't she let go? ..Let him go?

It hurt her to the core to think it. But she was so far past denying it that even trying to was painful.

She couldn't let go of Sam because she didn't want to.

He was the last shred of normalcy her memories held; Sam and her father and sitting in the backyard by the fire place, roasting wieners and toasting marshmallows while her father played his- her,.. Guitar. Cuddling up next to Sam on that worn out bench she'd used for firewood last year.

Sam Uley was the last shred of happiness her memories held. And she had lost both of them at almost the exact same time. (Who knew that running home bawling after seeing them in what was supposed to be her future home, and having Sam follow her begging for forgiveness would lead to her phasing for the first time and triggering her father's fatal heart attack?)

Leah knew who alright. The fucking gods seemed to have it out for her awful bad. (If she had the slightest idea what she'd done to deserve it, she would've taken it back in a heartbeat.)

With a sad sigh Leah looked down at the Heart of the Ocean again like she did days ago. Now the fates were dangling Jake in front of her as well.. Like it was some cruel joke.

And the only thing that made it worse was the fact that that kiss with Jacob Black was amazing though she'd never admit it; but it didn't even compare to a kiss with Sam.


	6. Love Is Just A Lie

It was raining outside when Leah finally got home. The darkness had finally consumed La Push and dragged the small town down in a tornado of depression and ominous foreshadowing. A superstitious person looking around on that particular night would've had a field day.

Leah saw a black cat run across the street. A bunch of kids with umbrellas already open ran straight out of a shop and right under a ladder. As soon as she'd walked through her own door the old mirror hanging in the bathroom fell down and shattered to a million pieces from the vibration of her slamming it shut.

'Stormy weather means a stormy attitude.' She thought bitterly as she wrung water out of her hair. Seth didn't seem to be home, so she wandered up to her bedroom. Her iPod was lying on her bed, still playing but not being paid attention to as its owner concentrated on getting herself out of her wet clothes. Her hair was nearly dry from the walk back to the neighbourhood from the cliffs, but it'd began to rain.

Leah groaned to herself as a chill shot up her spine from a window she must've left open before dashing out for a swim. As she laid hands on the sill to close it, her eyes concentrated on the far-off crashes of thunder, cracks of lightning in the distance that lit up the storm clouds like a strobe light. She let out a deep sigh to match her groan.

She hated storms.

After shutting the window Leah wandered over aimlessly to her closet and pulled out some clothes. She figured her shorts were dry enough to wear again, but she decided to choose a different tank top and opted for a light blue one instead of her drenched black one from earlier. Pulling it on and grabbing her cell phone from the dresser and her music from the bed, she headed for the kitchen.

Hunger pangs were finally starting to set in, and when Leah remembered how she looked in a bikini, all she could remember was how thin she'd looked. Looking anxiously around the kitchen at the boring whites of the cupboards and drawers, she wondered just how much food her brother and his stupid pack brothers had left in the house for her. Opening one cupboard... Cereal.

Success!

With a relaxed expression Leah fished out a spoon and bowl before pouring the cheerios in and adding the milk. Looking around once again and stirring, her mother was also nowhere to be seen. Charlie's _again._

Leah had to fight back snarling. ' _Dad wasn't dead nearly long enough before she started letting some other guy fuck her over.'_ With a mental growl she dug her spoon into the cereal bits and all but raised it to her lips before the loud vibration of her cell phone interrupted.

With an exasperated groan and a loud ' _Ugh_ ' Leah dropped the spoon back into the bowl and picked it up. (It was a blue phone, light-ish with small black stars. Totally her style.)

The noise was a text message. Actually, one of many. Apparently she'd missed about fifteen of them. With a sigh she flipped open her phone.

It was from Seth.

' _Where are you Leah?? Like jesuz chrisst.'_ She could tell it was from her brother just from the lapses in spelling and punctuation alone. Skipping over it, she went to the next one. Seth again.

' _ EARRTH TO LEAHH!' _

Rolling her eyes, she kept scrolling. Paul.

' _ For fuck's sake Clearwater hurry the hell up and answer my goddamn txt' _

Jake.

' _ Really. Ignoring me isn't gonna make today go away. We're waitin' for yah Leah.' _

She cocked an eyebrow. 'Waiting for her'? Shrugging it off she kept going. More from Paul.

' _ You were s'posed to meet me for patrol by the leeches' house like 2 friggin hours ago! Swear to fuck Leah next time i sees you im gonna beat your ass!' _

There were two or three more like that too. Chewing her bottom lip she smirked. Paul was such an ogre. So what if she skipped out on patrol with him? He didn't want her there anyway...

Sliding down to one of the older messages she'd received, she felt her hand still on the scroll bar.

' _Leah. Don't know where you are or what you're doin and I don't know why you're trying so hard to be a menace, but important pack meeting. We need to talk. About you. Come to Emily's and my place._

He just had to write her name, didn't he?.. Mentally wincing Leah went to the next message.

Sam again.

' _ And I mean NOW.' _

Leah grumbled. So much for that then. With a glance at the sink (where the boys had been kind enough to leave her all the dishes to do), she dumped the full bowl of soggy cereal down the drain and headed out the door.

-

As expected, she could hear loud voices and shouts from the pack as soon as she neared the walkway of her Alpha and his fiancée's house. As expected, she felt a pang of agony from seeing the neat little cottage and knowing it should've been hers. It was meant to be _hers._

Biting down on her lower lip, Leah pushed open the door and was thankful she didn't meet that scarred up smiling face first of all. That seemed to be tradition, every time Leah had been forced to come to the future house of the Uley's. She'd walk inside and the first thing she'd feel were her traitor cousin's arms around her, as if a hug was going to make all of Leah's pain go away. Like such a simple, stupid gesture was going to make things okay between them.

Never. In a million years.

Emily Young could kiss her furry ass.

Looking around the small house, and pulling her iPod earphones out, she raised an eyebrow as every head in the room turned towards her and they all wore the same disapproving scowl. Noise in the living room had ceased completely and Emily was still nowhere in sight. The soft rhythm of her music was audible in the tense atmosphere.

Swallowing the fear of a foreboding fight, she knew she had to maintain the shell. Now more than ever when the odds were so stacked against her because Leah wasn't naive; she knew exactly just how likely the odds were that every guy in the pack would back up his brothers. Support didn't seem to exist for the out-of-place sister.

 _Love hurts, Love scars._  
Love wounds, and mars.   
Any heart not tough, or strong enough   
to take a lot of pain; take a lot of pain..

"What the hell was so important?" She mumbled, deep blues casting around the disgustingly orange room (she always hated Emily's color schemes). Every pack member was there; Sam, sitting in his favourite lounge chair that Leah went with him to buy (it was meant to be a part of _their_ life.), elbows resting on his knees and fists clasped in front of him. His look was serious; like the look a person got when they'd been caught doing drugs or something.

But Leah, knowing her old Sam so very very well, could still detect the hint of concern in those dark brown eyes and it confused her.

_Love is like a cloud; It holds a lot of rain._

Jake was there also; sitting in another chair but he was more relaxed. His gaze at her was unwavering; it unnerved her but at the same time only served to drag up memories of their kiss earlier on in the day. And _that_ seemed to give her a relinquished sense of confidence. His gentle eyes were roaming her stiff frame, starting at the gold chain of the necklace and working their way down to her clenched up fists.

The rest of the pack boys were scattered around the room like she'd seen them assume their positions a hundred times before. Raising an eyebrow, she was patiently waiting for one of the boys to bark the first comment.

"What the fuck were you _doing?"_ Of course it would be him. The roughest member of the pack; her most volatile 'brother'. Paul. It was never any trouble to forget him; he'd hated her ever since and he hated her the most.

_Love Hurts; Ooh, Love Hurts._

"Stuff!" She spat back at him. If there was anyone she had trouble finding patience for it was Paul.

He growled loudly and stood up, all eyes rising up with him and awaiting a storm worse than the torrential downpour outside. "We've been tryin' to get a hold of you for hours! Holy _fuck_ , where the hell were you!?"

"None of your goddamn business, that's for sure." Leah hissed back. Paul rolled his hazel eyes.

"You're such a bitch."

"And you're a fucking moron who's got no respect for other people _at all_. If you weren't so goddamn stupid you could probably guess where I went!"

"Oooh Leah; that hurt my feelings." He said, voice dripping with sarcasm, an angry sneer morphing his lips.

"Cry me a fucking river!"

 _I'm young; I know._  
But even so;.. I  
learned a thing, or two; I learned from you.   
I really learned a lot; really learned alot..

His second growl was even more startling but Leah paid it no heed as her Alpha interrupted Paul's next words.

"Calm down, the both of you." Sam's voice was stoic like always and it could cut through tension like a knife through butter. "I don't want anyone to get hurt here."

Leah scoffed. 'Yeah, you say that now. Didn't save your precious Emily's face did it?'

_Love is like a flame; it burns you when it's hot.  
Love Hurts; Ooh, Love Hurts._

Paul reluctantly took a step backward from her, but his unforgiving eyes stayed trained on her's like a dog looking at food. She fought back the urge to shiver. She'd seen Paul mad before; but maybe today was special. It could've been a combination of the weather, her more rebellious attitude, a shitty patrol, or maybe he was just on his rags, Leah didn't know. But his anger was different.

More focused.

"Why'd you miss patrol?" Jake's un-irritated voice was strange to hear in such a situation and Leah looked over expectantly.

"I went for a swim. I forgot."

"You _forgot._ Of fucking course, because Leah Clearwater _always_ forgets. Why don't you forget about Sam and Emily and then maybe you'd do us all a big fucking favour!"

She was gonna fucking kill him. Leah stared hard at Paul with what she thought was the meanest look she could manage.

(Too bad most members of the pack saw it come out a little differently.)

But Paul didn't look sorry. Paul never looked sorry.

 _Some fools think, of happiness._  
Blissfulness; togetherness.   
Some fools fool themselves I guess. T  
hey're not foolin' me.

" _PAUL_." Sam's voice boomed, snapping Leah out of her cut-Paul's-dick-off fantasy, and she looked over at her pack leader to see Sam's eyes shift almost nervously to hers, as if waiting for the 'I don't need you.' She felt his eyes focus on the necklace he'd given her and she found herself looking away from him and the pack.

She knew they expected her to say it; that was why she didn't.

Leah crossed her arms and turned, looking out at the disastrous weather. "Now why am I here? Can someone _please_ enlighten me?" She hissed, arms crossed and hand digging so hard into her left arm that her fingernails began to cut.

"It's about you, sis..." Seth's quiet voice spoke. Leah turned to him.

"What about me?"

"Well-"

"It's about why you never fucking keep your pack duties anymore!" Paul quipped, his rash temperament taking him another few steps closer to where Leah was standing once again. He was so angry she could feel his body heat rippling around her; she could feel how he wanted to phase. Probably to rip her to pieces.

"Ignorant much!?" Leah cursed, staring him down just as harshly as he dared look at her. "You tell me something Paul. Why the fuck would I wanna keep my 'pack duties' when I have to deal with shitheads like you twenty-four seven?"

He growled again; they weren't dogs (at least not at the moment). The least he could've done was try to rein in the inner animal.

Sam looked at the two from his chair and cradled his heads in his hands. If only they would just stop. He hated seeing her hurt; he hated being reminded of the asshole that he surely was and he hated knowing both Paul _and_ Leah were right. And knowing he had to choose Paul just because he couldn't dredge up suspicion.

 _I know it isn't true. I know it isn't true._  
Love is just a lie; Made to make you blue.   
Love Hurts; Ooh, Love Hurts.

"Leah. Whether you like it or not you're a part of this pack, a part of this family. And when something's assigned to you, you have to do it."

"See, wolf-girl? Tough shit." Embry smirked. His words didn't hold half as much irritation as Paul's did but the sight of the two of them high-fiving set her into a frenzy.

"Just fuck you Embry. Why don't you go hunt down a DNA test or some shit? And you, Paul? I really wish Jacob held through on his promise. I feel bad for Rachel; if I were him I'd have fucking killed you long ago."

Embry's face fell and Paul nearly barked a curse as he stepped right into Leah's personal space, so close she could feel his breath on her.

"Don't you dare talk about something you don't know shit about. Watch your goddamn mouth." Seth was on the edge of his seat and so were Jake and Sam as the two feuding comrades felt their bodies twitch with the want to phase.

"Oh yeah Paul?" Her voice held so much taunting. "Shut me up."

And holy fuck he looked like he was gonna do it before the door flew open with a loud crack and everyone in the room jumped. Emily walked inside, parka drenched with rain water and hair all mussed from the wind. She turned to look at them, that fucking smile creeping onto her face.

"Hey everyone!" Leah hated how Sam's face cracked a lop-sided little smile. It wasn't as bright as usual, but given the circumstances it probably wouldn't be.

The boys muttered hi, Sam smiled at her again and Leah did nothing; crossed her arms again and took the chance to walk a few paces away from her fuming pack mate.

"Uhh, Sam?" Emily's gentle voice held a shaking quality and of course Sam stood up and waded over to her. Surprisingly flashing a look at Leah beforehand.

"Yeah, Em?" He asked, placing large careful hands on her shoulders.

"..I have to tell you something."

"Go on. Tell me Emily, what's up..?" He spoke with such a soft voice. (Inside Sam's mind no one knew how much he was itching to tear at Paul instead of listening to his fiancée whine. It fucking sucked how he could never be mean. Not to her. It was unfair.)

"Okay. I.. Um.. I think I'm pregnant."

_Ooh, Love Hurts._

Leah and Sam's worlds just froze; her's moreso. The betrayal was poignant when her brother was the first to offer congratulations. Her already fradmented heart tore more, _ensuring_ her she was never meant to be happy but to live a life of suffering and pain. She looked away from Sam and Emily quickly and fought the tears that threatened to surface.

So this was it. This was the final tie that needed to be broken.

She could feel his gaze on her, maybe not only his, but at the moment nothing else mattered.

Sam was going to be a father. He had dreamed of this for so long, since he was fifteen, and yearned for the chance to start a family... With Leah. He had shared his secret desire with her when they were starting to grow a beautiful relationship, before it was marred by the goddamn imprint.

Now that Leah saw her and Sam's dream of starting a family play out without her, with _Emily_ instead, the raw neglect and emotion ate at Leah's stomach; much worse than any hunger pain she had felt in the last few days.

Sam was forced to tear his eyes away from his ex-girlfriend and look back at his now-pregnant fiancée. He knew he had to. He'd never expected it to be that hard. It was fucking surprising, he had to admit; he'd wanted a bunch of rugrats for years and now here was the woman he... The woman he loved telling him she was pregnant but all he could think about were the feelings of his ex. He felt guilty. Sam felt worried. He felt somewhat excited once the news finally began to sink in...

He was so confused but he pulled Emily into a tight hug and spun her around the room in his arms anyway.

"Are you sure? How do you know?" His voice was rougher, less gentle but it held some new excitement. Emily laughed as Sam kissed down her ruined face.

"I'm not completely sure yet, but I'm about ninety percent positive!"

_I know it isn't true; I know it isn't true.  
Love is just a lie; Made to make you blue._

The next few minutes were consumed with the pack giving Emily gigantic hugs and kisses on her scarred up cheek, showering her with the love they all thought she deserved as they offered her their congrats. Embry was laughing loudly and Jake had a hand on his shoulder. Leah thought he'd looked at her for awhile, but she could be wrong. Quil was practically hopping up and down with her like the kid-lover he was and Jared and her kid brother were doing nothing but spouting compliments and asking the most adoring questions.

Leah still felt a gaze on her.

It felt like it was waiting for her to do something. So, she did. She knew she had to; the ultimate brave face. If she could survive this one, Leah knew she could survive anything. As thunder rattled the house, encouraging her, Leah stepped over to her cousin.

Emily looked at Leah and her face dropped, like she'd been too overwhelmed in her own flattery to pay attention to her practically-broken family member across the room.

"Emily... I.. " Leah had to fight to get the words out, her eyes floating from Emily's still-flat stomach to her light brown eyes and back and forth as if doing that would make it easier to take. "I'm happy... Congrats..."

That was all Leah could say; all she could muster. The betrayal was still too strong in her mind; it always would be. But she'd found _some_ strength, right? She'd accepted that she'd never be happy. While feeling broken and entirely alone, her exterior still conveyed a sense of strength and dignity.

Leah stepped back, determined to leave the beautiful cottage - _with the horrible walls_ \- that should've been her's. She was halted in her tracks however as Paul stepped forward, his massive frame dominating the area around her. Paul's breath was hot against her left ear, and he whispered;

"Yeah, suck up to your pregnant cousin. Cuz that's as close to pregnant as you'll ever be, isn't it?"

The silence was deadening in the overcrowded room as Leah turned her head towards Paul.

The vulnerability, like never before, and the sadness was evident as a single treacherous tear slid down the cheek of Leah's beautiful face. He didn't get the chance to whisper another word before Leah disappeared, walking fastly past her once favorite cousin and her former love, and into the dark, raging storm outside.

_Love Hurts. Ooh, Love Hurts.  
Ooh, Love Hurts._


	7. Home Ain't My Way

Sam had to move awful quick to get to Seth, who's eyes were glowing with fire and hands were just beginning to reach around Paul's neck.

"You careless son of a bitch!" Leah's little brother yelled, elbows and fists swinging backwards in an attempt to get his Alpha off his back so he could pound his other pack mate. Jacob stepped in thankfully, grabbing ahold of Seth's wrists as well, only to have Sam shove Seth's full weight into Jake's bronze chest.

It was Sam's turn to have it out with Paul. (Though it was pretty tempting in Jacob's head, too.)

The oldest wolf grabbed his volatile brother by the shoulders and Emily gasped at the heavy sound it made as Paul's back collided with the orange wall of the house.

"Are you fucking crazy!?" Sam questioned, pulling Paul forward and slamming him right back into the wall. "You know how she gets!" To Sam, it seemed like he was only a decibel above talking normally. To Paul, and to Emily, the normally calm leader was shouting at the top of his lungs.

Paul was wide-eyed, his next sentence coming out in a stutter. "Bu-but she-"

"I don't give a _fuck_ what she did! You had no right to do that you insensitive little prick." Sam's voice was a loud deadly hiss that froze even Seth in his need to get at Paul also. "It's a fuckin' monsoon out there, you dumb fuck, and if she gets hurt I swear to God-". Sam's teeth clenched.

Paul was shaking, and his eyes grew even wider. Sam was holding onto him so tight the Alpha could feel his muscles ripple with the shudders. Paul nearly had a heart attack as Sam reared one fist back, other hand still on his shoulder and then slammed his fist so hard into the wall beside Paul's head that it splintered the wood.

"Sam!" Emily gasped out, hands cupped over her mouth. "Stop, please!" Her voice was possibly the only one that could've made Sam snap out of his anger, and it did. Looking around, Leah's ex found himself being stared at by the whole room. Other members of the pack were poised and ready to step in; Jared had ventured a lot closer and Quil looked like he might piss himself.

"Sam, calm down my man.." Embry whispered, hands gesturing slowly to get Sam to lower the same fist he'd apparently raised, ready to strike again. (Sam briefly thought that this time he wouldn't pussy out.)

Gritting his teeth even tighter Sam let go of Paul only to have his brother nearly lose his footing from going weak in the knees. Jesus, had he really been that frightening? Looking around again as his fist lowered, Emily's hands were outstretched, as if she was contemplating reaching out for him but she was scared to (she should be; look what happened last time she got too close.), and Jake had released Seth who looked most terrified of all.

".." Sam couldn't find the words to say sorry; or even to formulate a decent sentence in his head. All he knew was that the rage that consumed him was all-burning and he didn't want them to touch him. He wanted to rip Paul's head off and chew his bones for making such a dumbass remark.

And he longed to find Leah and kiss her tears away...Leah was never supposed to cry.

"...We have to find her. This storm is supposed to get a lot worse."

Shoulders slumped in relief in the room as Sam's old wise voice returned. Seth was quick to nod.

"Yeah. Let's go now. She didn't even have a jacket." Seth urged, pulling his shirt off over his head. "I betcha she phased, went for a run. But I don't like my sis out there alone." His tone showed worry, but at the same time the relief was plain to see Paul (no matter the asshole Seth thought he could be sometimes) get to live another day. Sam nodded, arms still quivering. He felt her gentle touch then, the small caress of her fingers as she looked up at him with almost-tears in her brown eyes.

Sam just glanced at her, for the first time, and then he turned away from her as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

Dialing quickly, he counted seconds in between rings and felt that eyebrow crease appear, as well as beads of sweat.

"Pick up Leah, goddammit, don't be so stubborn and just pick up." Sam pleaded with himself, beginning to pace as the first call ended. He tried again. Still no answer.

Growling Sam began to punch keys on his phone in a hasty text message. 'Please don't do this Leah,' he thought, 'Not tonight.'

The minute that passed seemed the longest minute of his life up to date and Leah didn't text back. Jesus. This was actually really bad. Sam tried the Clearwater house phone. Nothing.

"Let's try not to panic." Jake said, placing a hand on his fellow Alpha's shoulder only to remove it when he whipped around to face him. "She's done this before yah know, stomped off all angry. Look just give her a few hours, maybe even a full day. She always comes home." Seth gulped, but against his better judgement he nodded too. He'd spent a godawful number of days worrying about his sister for no good reason. She was indeed probably fine.

"Jake is probably right, Sam. Leah will be back." Seth said. But then the youngest werewolf turned his head to look out the window, caught sight of a hideous bolt of lightning and changed his tune back to his earliest instincts. "..Although I suppose a few hours running around to look won't hurt."

The wind was howling like a bear caught in a trap and the raindrops hitting the window panes were unrelenting. It was a violent storm indeed; and if it got much worse La Push would surely be in a state of disaster after the season was over. Actually, not just La Push, but all of Washington. The newsmen called it a 'temporary monsoon season' and warned everyone to cancel any travel plans and stock up good on supplies and shit because the Washington state area could expect horrible storms almost every day of the week for a near month. The foreboding clouds that had been shadowing La Push for days were warning signs of the coming hurricane and Sam just figured Leah would pick the worst day to run off on, figuratively. The beginning of the storm.

Not that things for her had been going so well before the storm; but fuck she'd been trying, Sam knew that. They'd all been trying. It was just that being nice to Leah, for the rest of the pack especially was a hard task when they remembered all the horrible things she had said to them over time. Sam should've been most pissed of all, actually; so how come he was here worrying his balls off because his ex-girlfriend (who he absolutely _refused_ to admit he was falling back in love with) went for a storm surge stroll? Sam Uley was now going to be a father; he had a baby to look forward to.

Leah was the last person he should've been thinking about.

As Jacob undressed to phase as well, Sam turned back to his fiancée. Emily's hands were cupped together in her lap, watching all the pack members with worried eyes. Her gaze stayed on him the most however; and fuck did it make Sam feel even guiltier. He sent her an apologetic look by accident and then tried to cover it up but it was too late.

Emily's soft hand rested on his boiling arm.

"Sam, baby.. I'm sure Leah will be fine. Let Jake and Seth go search, maybe Paul. Please, stay with me." Sam wondered how Emily could be so selfish; he knew deep down she only wanted him there because she was indeed pregnant and wanted them to enjoy the news together, but all Sam could focus on was how the more important matter at hand was Leah had gone missing. Celebrations could come later; Leah came first. _Always._

Sam realized the dedication behind that thought scared him a bit as he shook his head and pulled his shirt off too.

"No. I have to go look. Paul, you're staying here. You'll be the last person she wants to see right now." Sam hoped that was true. Usually, it was the other way around.

Before long the boys had stripped to their boxers and they were out the door into the pouring rain.

"God speed." Quil nodded mutely, poor attempt at humor as the backs of the three wolves disappeared into the night.

\---------

An hour passed. They'd ran all the way up past Forks and halfway to Port Angeles without even a trace of Leah's scent.

' _Fuck. I bet it's the wind._ ' Jake cursed in his head, russet nose to the wet ground but smelling nothing other than the stale scent of the rain.

' _Yeah. It must've washed away her trail._ ' Seth agreed, small snarl escaping his snout. _'Man. Why does Leah always pick the worst nights to run off?'_ In his head, Seth recalled a memory of a seven year old Leah getting into a fight with her mother over having a slumber party with all guys, and then running away for a few hours the exact same day a biking gang passed through La Push. When Leah didn't come home Sue had been the most worried little five year old Seth had seen her ever, and now as a fifteen year old ten years later he found himself running through his mind the possibilities for trouble he knew his sister could get into; just like he figured Sue had ten years before.

' _We'll find her. Don't worry._ ' Seth turned his head towards his leader.

' _Hey Sam?'_

' _Yeah?'_

' _..Thanks. She'd never admit it yah know, I mean, you know Leah... But I'm sure she'll appreciate you comin' to find her.'_ Sam almost smiled. Seth was so innocent and honest with his emotions that it sometimes seemed like the two Clearwater wolves couldn't be from the same family. It was like Leah was water; she seeped into cracks to wear away at your personality with her own biting current but whenever she was trapped, she found a new way. Seth was the fire in the family; all brazenness aside, his feelings were deep and he would always let them shine through; Seth was actually very passionate and he radiated warmth to all those who knew him; even the cold-bodied Cullens.

The large black wolf came to a stop just as his other two search mates did; his fur almost invisible in the dreary night.

' _No trace at all. This is actually really unnerving.'_ Jake said, shaking his body and sending excess water spraying his surroundings.

' _Well she couldn't of gotten too far. She was maybe half an hour, forty-five minutes gone before we left?'_ Sam tried to reassure. He was the Alpha, with Jacob; it was his job to stand up and make decisions and calm down his brothers (and sister) when they needed him to.

No matter how much he didn't believe in his own words.

' _I get where you're comin' from Sam, but Leah's really fast.. Faster when she's mad._ ' Seth whimpered, nose so low down to the ground the fur around his muzzle got muddy. _'She could be halfway to Mexico for all we know..'_ His worried thoughts trailed off. Images of Leah missing, Leah hurt and bleeding filled the young pup's head and coaxed another wean out of him.

' _Try and stay calm Seth. I'm sure your sister's fine, really. She and Paul have had it out before.'_ Seth growled at Sam's mention of Paul. Strangely, so did Jake.

Sam's golden eyes flicked to him wonderingly. (Jake harnessed his thoughts so carefully to shelter Sam from the kiss he'd showered on Leah earlier that day that the second Alpha thought he might end up getting a wolf migraine.)

' _I just think he went way too far this time.'_ Jacob responded to his look, tail flicking irritably like a cat.

' _Way_ _ **way**_ _too far.'_ Seth barked, this time a picture of the youngest wolf tearing into Paul's hide aglow in his head.

' _Calm down you two. Paul's an arrogant dick, yes. But he had a right to be angry, even though I don't condone the things he said.._ ' Sam's large head turned away from them, and the rest of his body followed as he was once again forced to be the calm one, the one who could not act with his heart anymore since phasing. (He was becoming less human then the rest of them, he could feel it.)

Jake lowered his head once again when he knew Sam was right. Deep down, he knew Sam felt the same way he did when he was forced to take sides over his previous Beta because it was the norm; and most of the time, like he'd pondered earlier on, Leah brought her misfortunes on herself. It was like the girl was drowning in this deep dark abyss of pain and it was too late for anyone to pull her out because every word they seemed to say to her nowadays was another brick tied to her ankle.

Sam's sudden bark and growl scared the thought out of Jake's head and he whipped around to face his fellow leader.

' _Sam? You okay?'_

' _I'm fine.. But everyone needs to stop thinking Leah can't heal, because I know she can. I know it'll take time, but the last thing she needs is everyone giving up on her.'_

' _You gave up on her._ ' Jake thought. Sam was going to dive for his throat before Seth, little Seth, fired a warning growl between them. Jake hadn't meant for that thought to slip out; the rust-colored Alpha could see his friend was just as worried about Leah as the rest of them were, perhaps even more and he didn't want to further aggravate him. But any time Sam thought of Leah's pain, apologized again and again ('I'm sorry' 'I'm sorry 'I'm sorry') Jake lost a bit of sympathy, _and_ the filter between his mouth and his brain. Sam had caused Leah all of the pain she was in today. Hell, she'd lost the two men she loved most in the world in the same day, and as far as Leah was concerned she felt one loss was her fault. ' _I'm sorry Sam, it slipped out.'_

Sam did nothing but growl at him, turning his flank in Jacob's direction and began the walk back toward La Push. _'You're lucky I've got better things to do, more important things to worry about then fighting with you Jacob. I know what I've done.'_ Was all Sam said as he disappeared into the trees. Jacob and Seth traded regretful glances between following along behind.

About another hour passed by as the threesome searched the beaches and backwoods of La Push and Forks; and still nothing. Sadly, the boys knew they had to retire sooner or later no matter how much they wanted to remain out in the cold looking. The pads of their paws would soon crack and bleed from frozen ground. Their fur had icicles, and they were beyond drenched. With sad looks between them, the boys all returned home.

Jake went home and asked Billy if he'd heard from Sue. Nope.

Seth went home and found only his mother, looking out the window with her arms crossed in annoyance. No sister.

Sam went home, tried his best to be happy and then went to bed with his pregnant Emily, still worried as fuck.

Seth woke up the next morning to just the smallest sliver of sun peeking through more heavy dark clouds. Still no Leah.

\----------

She sat on a log about two miles over the Canadian border and that was where she'd spent the night. She didn't sleep; who could sleep when they felt like death had wrapped it's cold grey hands around their world and stolen all the color?

Leah'd cried for hours; not because of the dangerously close lightning but because of the pain in her broken heart. Her only shelter from the destructive weather was a tree nearly barren of leaves. Her clothes were soaked through, and she knew that if she'd been any regular human being hypothermia would have probably set in telling from her white tingly fingertips alone.

She knew it was stupid running off. But being stupid was the least of her worries.

Leah had cried. Blubbered like a baby in front of her worst enemies and gave in to how much Paul wanted her to just leave. Once again, she loses more than one thing in one night; her pride, and her last remaining tie to Sam. Leah had nothing now.

She clutched at her chest and sobbed wholeheartedly. Everything she had fought so hard to control, every memory she had suppressed was raining down on her with true force. Sam's beautiful, prefect face shined before her in her mind, his expression full of pure love, solely meant for her, back when they had been together. How she resented Emily for taking away the only chance at happiness she had. She was living out her life. _Leah_ was supposed to be pregnant with Sam's baby. The beautiful cottage -with the hideous walls- was supposed to be her's. Sam was supposed to be her's. She had given her heart to him, every piece of her now fragmented heart and in the end his promises were meaningless.

He was gonna be a daddy. If Emily was pregnant, Sam was probably bouncing off the walls right now. Briefly Leah wondered if they'd went out to look for her; or if they'd decided just to let her die alone out in the night. (It didn't seem like something to put past them; especially Paul, Sam and Emily.)

Her hair was still sopping wet even though the rain had stopped hours ago, from sheer moisture in the air alone. This wasn't even a relatively bad night considering the weather La Push was supposedly in for, and the few bushes that had been tossed around in the breeze were lying unruly in random places. Leah could hear the sea far off, the small channel of the Atlantic ocean that cut into the land in a spit. She was probably only a few minutes of a walk away from it, she could even smell the salty, fresh breeze mixed with the dirty scent of mud and upturned soil.

Now more than ever Leah wanted to make a run for the water, dive in, and sink to the bottom. The white caps would probably still be huge after such an abusive storm and they would have no trouble drowning her in their strong clutches. At least then Leah wouldn't have to return to La Push, meet the annoyed, irritable eyes of her mother (she always looked that way, especially since Leah had proclaimed her 'dislike' for Charlie Swan and his vamp daughter), the angered eyes of Paul and probably the laughing faces of Quil and Embry. (Yeah that's right.. Leah Clearwater is actually a person with feelings. She cries too.)

Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket as she felt a vibration for like the sixtieth time, she read Seth's name and felt a pang of scorn. Poor Seth.. She hadn't considered his feelings before taking off like that. But then again no one had thought about her's when Emily walked in all red from the wind and got baby mama on everyone's asses. With gritted teeth Leah shut the phone closed again and stuffed it back into her soggy pockets. 'Huh. It's a wonder it didn't get ruined. Phones these days are indestructible.' She'd even dropped it out of her mouth a few times while she was running as a wolf. And with a curse she remembered something that had seemingly disappeared.

Standing up and glancing around carefully through the ruined area, Leah's stormy blue eyes searched for her iPod. The gadget must've slipped her teeth or tumbled out of her pocket when she phased back and pulled on her shorts. She cursed.

'Music would be so good right now..' It really would've been awesome. Anything to distract Leah from picturing Sam with that small smile as he hugged his fiancée who was soon going to be heavy with his child-

A twig snapped behind her and then it was like irony; the soft hum of music filled the still forest air, I'm Burnin' For You' by Blue Oyster Cult Leah thought, one of her and her father's favourites. Spinning around on her heel quickly, the torn and ragged Leah Clearwater came almost face to face with the smug look of Karl Flying Arrow.

In his hand, he waved her iPod.

"This your's, sweetheart?" He asked her, lowering it and smirking as Leah stepped backward out of shock. "My, my. You look like a mess, Leah Clearwater. What happened?" He asked. His voice didn't sound concerned. There was curiousity; and just something more that made Leah want to run for the hills.

She fought the instinct away and stood her ground.

"Uh." She stuttered, eyes moving behind the Alpha of the Cree pack to land on his Beta, she recognized, stepping out of the trees. What was his name? Bronson? Brandon.

And beside Brandon was Keith and his girlfriend (fucking imprint) Janice. They all tilted their heads to the side as they took in her soaked through appearance and Leah found herself crossing her arms across her bosom just out of respect for herself.

"What are you doin' all the way out here?" Brandon asked, hand shoved deep down into his pocket. The fingers were curled around something, Leah could tell but she couldn't guess what.

"I.. I went for a run last night and I got caught in the storm. Why do you care, anyway?" She muttered, eyes whizzing to meet the other four pairs in the small clearing. Minutely, she tried to use the sound of the running water from the sea a few minutes off to distract herself from Karl's freaky glare.

"I see." Keith said ignoring the question, crossing his arms. Janice glanced at him, before looking back at Leah. She looked plain; like someone bored at a stupid movie. Her eyes were set upon Leah then though and they seemed to stare right through her. A shiver shot up the shewolf's spine.

"So. You went for a run last night, when it was like holy hell outside. Not to mention you ran like five hours away. La Push is far off you know." Brandon said, eyes travelling up the goose-bumped pale legs and prompting Leah to cross them.

"Yeah. You got it." She said, hating herself for the tingle in her voice. "Thanks for bringing me my iPod. I'll have it back now..." She said, extending her hand and taking it out of the Alpha's. She shut the power off.

"No problem Leah." He said. He stood stock still, Karl, staring at her.

"Uh, how'd you know I was here?" She questioned slowly, eyes once again flicking between the four mysterious individuals and not liking being boxed in for some reason. Their appearances were fresh; they might've come far, but they mustn't of left inside till the rain stopped a few hours ago.

"We didn't." Janice said, voice high but still bored. "Until..."

"..Until?" Leah asked, cocking an eyebrow and hoping she didn't look as retarded as she felt.

"Until I smelt your blood." Keith answered, stepping up beside his Alpha and Brandon, closer to her. "It's on the ground back there by about a mile. It's weird the rain didn't wash it away." He said, black eyes coasting downward like Karl and Brandon's.

Leah looked down and oh, holy _shit_ , her leg was bleeding. She must've snapped a branch or maybe tripped some snare wire somewhere. She didn't know where she was exactly; but she could tell she was far far away and didn't know the layout of the land here.

"Oh. I didn't even know I did that." Leah said, sinking to one knee to assess the wound. It wasn't bad; merely a scratch that would be gone in a day or two from her healing abilities. A normal person might've needed stitches, but then again Leah wasn't a normal person was she? (Unfortunately not.)

"Gotta say, Leah. For a shifter, like us, you're blood smells... Mouth-watering." Brandon smirked. Leah felt the blood still under her skin turn cold.

Creepy much? These guys were giving the leeches a run for their money.

Leah couldn't find the words to say so she said nothing and stood back up. When she met their eyes again, all of them, Janice included, wore the same evil grin.

"Actually, Leah Clearwater, _all_ of you is mouth-watering." Brandon smirked. Karl said nothing but that Alpha's eyes made him look like kids at a fat camp eyeing chocolate cake.

"Leah, Leah, Leah." Karl stepped closer. "I take it you're all alone. Am I right?"

Leah's heart began to hammer in her chest. The rain began to pour and the wind roared in her ears; the sea crashed in the distance.

Something was not right.


	8. I Thought Of Just Your Face

**WARNING:** This chapter contains extreme mature content, language (not that it always doesn't), and highly suggestive themes. If you have a problem with any of these contexts, you probably shouldn't read this chapter. But to be honest guys, I'd like it if everyone did. A lot of work and emotion went into making this chapter and if it weren't for my wickedly retarded betas it probably wouldn't exist to the magnificence it is today. But overall; I'm not aiming to hurt anyone with this chapter, and I'm sorry if I lose readers. But hey; just stick with it ;) Haha. Reader beware: you're in for a scare.

* * *

 

 

She had to get out of there. The vibes that flooded her drenched body screamed furiously at her, to leave, to run, get away somehow.

Too bad they had her closed in. Briefly Leah knew she was being judgmental; yeah, they were hella-creepy but that didn't give her the right to believe they were as sick in the head as they looked. With another glance down to her leg, still trickling a small stream of diluted red. Leah grit her teeth. It wasn't painful; it was mildly uncomfortable but she didn't like the thought of having to run from the gang on an injured limb. It made running as a wolf even more difficult.

(She didn't know such a small scratch should've been the least of her worries)

Karl tilted his head to the side at her silent period.

"Leah? Sweetie, are you okay?" He asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice like he knew she wasn't. The Alpha of the Cree pack glanced to his right at his Beta, Brandon. The other wore the same shit-eating grin, hand still buried in that pocket where it had been the whole time they were talking.

Leah didn't like being alone out here with them. (And that was weird; because frankly, and not really being an understatement, Leah wasn't scared of much. At all.) ... But she still could've slit her own throat when she caught herself wishing the rest of her own pack were here.

Besides, if the Cree were gonna murder her and leave her to rot, Paul would probably help. Hell, he'd mark his territory on her grave.

"Leah. Something tells me you've lied to us." Keith's voice broke her out of her thoughts and Leah's stormy blue eyes flitted to his. "..You didn't get 'caught' in this little storm, did you? Something tells me you're avoiding something...someone."

How did he know that?

"I- I got into a little argument with one of my pack brothers, that's all." She spat, unsuccessful in holding back her sauciness to answer Keith's simple statement. After all, it wasn't any of their business.

Her answer drew chuckles out of the four of them.

"So where are they now? Back in La Push? Not gonna come lookin' for you?" Brandon asked, shoving his other hand down into his pockets as well. Leah grit her teeth. Why were they asking her this? They were getting creepier and weirder by the minute and Leah did _not_ feel safe around them.

Well, ever since meeting them at Old Quil's she hadn't like them in the slightest but still.

.She stayed silent. She couldn't answer that question. Truthfully, because she didn't know. Would they come looking? She'd run off before and she'd been gone for hours but none of them had bothered to so much as give her cell a call. ...No, they wouldn't come now. Why would they? "I don't know. I should probably be getting back, I have to run patrol tonight..." She trailed off, taking a few steps to the left to walk away from them. God, she wished Sam was here, and Jake.

They followed her movement; they were centered in front of her again.

"Oh come on, if it was that bad a fight that sent you out into _that_ maybe you should just chill with us for awhile. It's raining again, anyway. Janice makes the best chicken noodle soup; it'll warm you right up." Karl smirked. Janice nodded, hopeful look in her eye.

"And we could get to know each other better."

Leah clenched her fists. This was playing out like something right out of some bad CSI episode. It was like a stranger trying to entice a six-year old with candy. They probably heard her stomach growl; maybe saw her flinch from the pangs of hunger. (What had it been, two, three days now since she'd eaten anything larger than five-cent candies from the general store?)

"I don't think so. You know, you guys probably live really far off, and I'm pretty tired. I should really just go home."

 _'Tell them anything.'_ a frantic voice at the back of her head whispered, ' _Just get out of here.'_

"Can't help but think that's another lie, Leah." Karl sighed. His roaming eyes stopped at her breasts; her thighs, and they paused on her neck for a long while. Leah found herself looking down too to see what was so special. Sam's necklace was there, heart shaken loose of her clothing and hanging freely like a normal piece of jewellery. "That's a pretty little trinket yah got there, Clearwater." He said.

Before Leah knew what she was doing her hand had moved upward and cupped the Heart of The Ocean in her palm. The heart was cold, a little slick with precipitation and bits of dirt but it was still beautiful.

Leah wanted Sam. She wanted him there.

Things didn't feel right, like there was danger, and Leah knew Sam always made those feelings go away. Even before they phased, Sam's arms had felt like the only warm, safe place Leah could remember going to when she needed it most. Her mom was being a bitch; Sam. Her father was cursing about her grades; Sam. Seth got really sick; Sam.

He was all she had. Sam was her _shelter_ from the storm.

'But he's not here now, is he?..' Leah thought, biting her lip before letting go of the necklace.

Waves crashed in the distance and when Leah was shaken out of her thoughts this time, it was quite a fright to notice how the Cree pack had gotten even further into her personal space; each of them were maybe two, three steps away.

"I'm not lying." She murmured, stepping back and crouching ever so slightly, ready to phase if she had to. "I've really gotta go. Thanks for finding my iPod, and for the offer, but my brother's gonna be worried-"

"He should be."

From out of nowhere another set of arms grabbed her around the waist and mid-section. Leah yelled out in shock, the urge to phase ripping through her body quickly. But before she could turn her head to see who was holding her Brandon had moved forward, gracefully and she felt a sharp prick from her left arm.

"What are you-" A hand cupped over her mouth, and Brandon stepped backward; he was holding a syringe, a fucking hospital needle, in his hand. It was empty.

"Get back from her!" Karl barked at the person holding her, using his arm to push Brandon and himself back a few more steps. "She's gonna phase!"

The arms released her and Leah's rage and horror became personified in a flurry of flailing paws and silver fur. She released a vicious snarl as soon as her front two paws touched earth and pieces of her torn clothing flitted to the ground, her cell phone and iPod included. Even the necklace; its chain snapped and lying beside her clothing. The jolts of pain from breaking bones realigning and muscles reshaping faded away and Leah let out another hideous growl, stepping forward towards the pack with teeth salivating and bared.

"Now, now, Leah. No one here has to get seriously hurt." Training her eyes on Karl, it was only then that Leah noticed a change in the way her body felt; a change in how her legs moved. Her senses slowed. Her ears flattened against her skull and she whimpered, staggering backward.

The Cree pack grinned.

"Don't fight it Leah, it's no use. Just let it go." Janice said, arm linked with Keith.

What the fuck had they done to her!? Suddenly everything was white; then it was technicolor all over again! The world began to spin and a tremor of pain so violent shot up her spine that she let loose a painful howl into the morning air. Buzzing filled her ears and things got blurry.

About four seconds later, the fur disappeared and only a female human scream was heard as Leah phased back.

Brandon laughed menacingly, staring down at the girl who lay naked, trembling and muddy on the forest floor.

"Fast-acting, isn't it? It only takes about a minute and ten seconds to kick in."

"Wha.. What did you..?" Her words came out in jumble. Holy fuck, she could barely think straight!

"It's alright Leah, it's okay. Brandon here just gave you a dose of areopeptide." Leah's blood ran cold. Oh yeah, they dosed her with something alright; just what the fuck did it do?! Nothing had ever forcefully phased her back before.. "I can guess you're a little confused." As Karl talked, Leah's eyes followed Nathan. He'd stepped out from behind her, he'd been the one to grab her. Kneeling down a few feet away, he smiled gruesomely at her and picked up her cell phone and iPod.

"I hate cell phones." He murmured, eyes reading text message alerts. Then he hurled it violently into a tree trunk and the plastic shattered, parts flying this way and that. Leah's heart dropped. Then Karl was in front of her and she gasped as he took her chin in his hand.

"Here's a little biology lesson for you Leah; werewolves have an extra chromosome. Humans have 23 and we have 24. Areopeptide is a neutron inhibitor; it deactivates Gene 24 for about three weeks; give or take a day or two."

Jesus. She couldn't phase.?

'No.' she though, panicking. No, they had to be lying. Not phasing, not becoming the wolf she had learnt to be... It was impossible.

Please, no.

Nathan stuffed the remnants of her torn clothing into a plastic bag he took out of his pocket, her iPod with it.

Leah growled. She knew she had to get away; every thought she'd had about those creepy sons of bitches was true and she needed to get gone fast before things got anymore out of control. Taking the chance available, and hoping to God her legs didn't quit on her, Leah sunk her teeth into Karl's hand (he gave a cry of pain, flinging his hand backward) and then she was up and running.

Leah got maybe five feet.

Nathan and Brandon both jumped her, taking the caramel-skinned girl to the ground and knocking the wind out of her.

As Leah struggled for breath, struggled to get the two men away from her she heard Karl's bitter growl.

Her heart started to pound. Fear began to creep over her, no matter how hard she tried to push it away.

Before she had time to defend herself, Karl delivered a hard kick to her stomach and she gasped out in pain, Brandon and Nathan letting go of her so she could bring her arms in to curl around herself. Her dark hair matted to her eyes with sweat and rain, but Leah knew well enough never to take your eyes off your enemies. Maybe if she hadn't been thinking of Sam and her pack back there Nathan wouldn't of got the drop on her.

Wincing through the pain Leah met Karl's eyes. His hand was red and had drops of ruby dripping to the forest floor. (No one could say she wasn't a fighter.) The tall Alpha was practically shaking with rage, fighting back the urge to phase himself clearly. Jesus, if he phased... She was better off dead.

"What do you _want_!?" Leah gasped out, her harsh panting only intensifying when she moved to sit up.

He smirked condescendingly. "I'll have to make it obvious, won't I?"

Leah couldn't fight another gasp that escaped from between her lips as Karl bent down and grabbed her underneath the arms, pulling her up to face him like she weighed nothing. Swinging out quickly with a fist Leah slugged him in the jaw. A leg came out to crash into his midriff. He cursed loudly.

Faintly she heard the other pack members growl but she could care less. Leah was stubborn enough to think that if she could get through at least one, she could take the others.

But much to Leah's chagrin, even though Karl had released her and she'd raised her fists and prepared to fight (duelling with the ache in her empty, bruised gut too) she knew she couldn't take him down. Not like this, not when she tired and worn down, not when her body was ready to drop with exhaustion.

She had never wanted her pack so badly as she did now.

Karl straightened up again, chest heaving; he just looked at her for a second and Leah paused, as if expecting him to turn around and run from her for some odd reason.

Karl did just the opposite. Swinging out hard and quickly Karl delved a swift punch to Leah's jaw, hard enough to knock the girl off her feet and split her lip.

Leah gagged as she hit the forest floor on a brusied stomach and spit out a glob of blood. Growling with blood-stained teeth she glared up at him.

"You fucked up bastard!" She screamed, not caring now. The pain was too much.

"Know what time of year it is, Leah?" Keith asked, enticing a chuckle from the others. Leah narrowed her eyes. It was February. What did that have to do with anything? Seeing her confused, Karl laughed.

"It's nearly spring Leah."

"..So?"

"So it's almost your time, little lady."

"Time for-" A foot was stomped down hard between her shoulder blades on her back. She thought she heard a crack while she yelped out in pain, eyes squeezed shut. When she found the will to open them again Karl sent a fist reeling into her jaw that spun her head around and left her on her side, dazed on the dirty forest floor in the pouring rain.

Thunder crashed in the distance. Leah felt something heavy descend on her back and then it hit her.

Oh, _hell_ no.

"No! No, don't you fucking _dare!_ " Leah spat out, arms immediately moving backward to try and shove Karl off her.

"Shut the hell up!" He cursed, taking Leah's pushing hand into his own and -crack-.

Leah screamed as white hot pain shot up her arm and embedded in her shoulder, causing her to tug her arm back out of Karl's grip. He laughed menacingly before tangling his in her long brown hair and pulling back with almost all the force his arm could muster.

Leah screamed out again at the torture as her upper body was lifted off the ground somewhat, and couldn't suppress the escaping sob as she felt Karl's other hand slide between her thighs.

"STOP!" She screamed out. "PLEASE!"

"Quiet Leah, if you just let me finish and then come quietly we won't have to hurt you-"

"FUCK YOU!" Leah yelled, twisting and writhing underneath his heavy form. His fist met the back of her head, and as he let go of her hair she slumped forward, blood on his ring. Leah found it was amazing she didn't pass out, could feel the small trickle of blood, the disgusting stickiness leaking down the curve of her neck and then down her chest and the throb was constant.

'No. Please..' Her energy was thinning out and the rain began to fall harder, making it hard to see. Then she heard the most menacing of sounds; Karl undid his belt and she felt his hands ply her legs apart. "NO!"

She struggled beneath him, her legs trying to kick away the strong hand that held her down.

Someone, she thought Brandon, held her arms down, while Nathan took care of holding her legs apart.

That was it, it all came to the surface. Tears began to flow down her cheeks as she heard his sick groan, his ugly fascination with her in the moan he emitted as Karl slid himself inside her. Shutting her eyes tightly she grit her teeth against the tearing pain that came with the forced entry and tried to kick with her legs. Nathan grabbed her ankles and held her still as he began to move within her.

The world came crashing down for Leah at that moment and she screamed again, wished to fuck and back she hadn't run off and she'd just let Paul chew her out. Her tears mixed with rain drops on her cheeks, and what Leah saw when she opened her eyes practically ran the leftover pieces of her heart through a shredder.

Lying on the ground centimetres from her, was Sam's necklace, blue crystal an odd commodity amongst the dirty brown and greens of the forest foliage.

Sam. Oh god, _Sam._

He was supposed to be the only one..! Sam, whom she loved, was the only man Leah would ever let touch her like that, so intimately. The realization drew more tears. A waterfall was overflowing from Leah's blue eyes as she let out a harsh sob, extending an arm and wrapping her un-shattered hand around the heart. _Sam!_ She needed him..! He would've never let this happen to her and _fuck_ she wanted it to be him so badly because then she would've never found herself crying and broken as she suffered the worse form of abuse.

But life had taken that dream from her, hadn't it? She couldn't help it, someone in the far abcesses of her mind, Leah blamed Emily for all of her suffering. Why she abhorred imprinting. The beauty, the magic, the irrevocable love.. Was it worth the agony everyone went through? No. It was all a lie. The hatred she felt for her once-best friend and cousin was poignant and fierce; she was the reason Leah was in pain everyday and in the most horrible situation of her life at the moment. Leah briefly envisioned what her life would've been like at this time (this cruel moment), if Emily hadn't snatched the love of her life away so suddenly.

She and Sam would've been together. This was a fact she knew in her heart.. They were _true_ soul mates, in a world where mystical creatures and twisted fairytales ceased to exist. They were stronger than the unseen force that connected the imprints. At least that's what Leah believed. Their love would have been unbreakable, pure, and binding. How she longed for that life...!

Bits and pieces of her _real_ life, the now life, flashed before her. The old life. The first time they met. Their first kiss. The first time Sam said "I love you". When he knelt down on one knee and solemnly promised to be with her for eternity. Sam's face captivated her mind; entranced her. Leah heard the figurative tearing in her heart as the last piece that was whole crumbled, leaving her with nothing. Another tear slid down her cheek as her mind finally wandered back home.

All the people she would probably never see again flashed before her. _Seth._ She whimpered. If she had any will to fight against these horrible, sick creatures, it was for Seth. He was the only one she would try to come back home for. The faces of her brothers flashed in front of her eyes, then; Jacob, Jared, Embry, Quil, Brady, Collin, Paul… What if she never saw them again?

As pressure on her back increased and Karl's sick sounds of pleasure went up in volume, cnce again she blamed Emily. If _she_ hadn't come – if _she_ hadn't been born, none of this would be happening. Her and Sam would have been together. Perhaps happily married. The vision of her beautiful children danced before her eyes. Their dark midnight onyx hair tousled beautifully over their russet skin... She saw Sam's face in each one of her make-believe pieces of heaven. They would have been happy together. Her entire family living forever, each one of her children wolves who would live continually if they kept phasing. Her entire mind was wrapped around that thought.

The cruel reality of imprinting had grasped Leah's happily-ever-after and snatched it away right from under her nose. Closing her eyes even tighter, Leah made her mind change the situation.

Karl, knelt between her legs and thrusting into her from behind watched with lusty eyes as she gripped the material item and brought it in close to her heart. He snarled at it. But what she did next nearly caused him to reach forward and snap her neck.

" _SAM!"_ She sobbed out into the stormy day, a whole-bodied scream that seemed to racket up from her chest exploding into the tense air. Karl growled louder.

"Sammy huh!?" He asked her, leaning more forward and shoving himself deeper into Leah's abused channel. She moaned out in pain, feeling her insides being rubbed raw and clenched the necklace, clenched her heart tighter in her hand. It had already been ripped out of her chest. "Cryin' for your Alpha you sad little cunt!? Is that what you want!?" Karl's words bordered on animalistic growls, ferocious screams in anger and they chilled her to the core.

He reached his sweaty hand down and grabbed the necklace from her. "Is this what you want?!" He screamed again.

"NO!" But it was too late as he tossed the jewel back toward his pack who leered at them. Janice sighed, tried not to feel sympathetic for Leah and picked up the necklace, shoving it into her sweater pocket. The she-wolf's sobs were heart-breakingly loud and then it was over.

Leah winced as her body stopped rubbing against the rough forest floor, began to get sick as she felt his wetness inside her, smeared on her thighs, marking her as his. Karl's harsh pants were soon the only sounds. She'd stopped crying. Pulling himself out of her, he stood up and rearranged.

A shot of lightning cackled across the sky as Karl walked a step away from her. His eyes still lingered on the girl's back though, as he watched her make a miserable attempt to sit up, quaking from the sting between her legs and the dizziness from her head. It was a beautiful sight; Leah Clearwater, tear-stained cheeks and body a mix of blood, cum and developing bruises.

He could get used to this.

Too bad she couldn't. Leah let loose her last sob as she made it to her hands and knees (broken hand protesting greatly). God, she felt disgusting; used, discarded like something that didn't matter. (Briefly she thought, 'did she?') Her brain seemed to be pounding against her skull, dull throbs of pain racking her small body and she still felt unwanted stickiness from assorted fluids a normal person would never want on their body. Hell, Leah could still feel the indentations of Karl's fingers on her hips.

"Now Leah, the rest of your life could go easy; or you can make it hard. Take a pick." He spat at her, turning back around to face his pack. Janice wore a barely-there smile.

"It wasn't what I expected it to be." She mumbled. Karl only sighed, rolling his eyes.

Leah needed to go. Now. Waves crashed in the distance.

The _ocean._ That was it.

Her unbroken hand grasped a moderately sized rock, and Leah teetered to her feet.

"I love to sing." She muttered, hating how her voice came out so broken. Karl cocked an eyebrow and stepped closer, as did Brandon.

"What's that honey? We can't hear you." The Beta said. Karl stepped a little closer, him too trying to make sense of the girl's chitchat.

"And I love to swim." She looked at him; dark blue eyes met dark brown eyes and Karl's barely had time to narrow before she bashed him upside the head with a rock. And then she was running.

Trees and everything else in her path just blew past Leah as she began the run that would either make or break her life. 'Seth!,' she thought desperately, 'you need to get out of this for him!' she chanted. Coming across a downward slope she lengthened her stride; nearly screamed when she heard the deafening crack of a gunshot echo out from behind her.

 _Close_ , behind her.

"COME BACK HERE YOU BITCH!" She heard one of them shout, struggled to see through the rain and winced as she stepped on something sharp embedded in the muck. Only a little bit farther..!

There it was. Leah's world was reduced to slow motion and numb sounds as her toes touched the freezing, high waters of the Atlantic ocean. Another second when she was waist-deep her whole form disappeared under the white-capped seas.

' _Swim._ Swim for home Leah!' She thought she heard his voice. Thought about the necklace and the pounding rhythm of water sliding against her aching body. Her arms and legs treaded the cold abyss like it was nothing.

It was a relatively small spit into the land; she knew that. If only she could make it-

She let out a gasp of a scream when a bullet bit into the side of her arm, the horrible noise audible even under the dense water and the water doing well to numb the pain a moment later. Fuck, Leah kept swimming.

(She thought though, that if she had to die, she would be happier in the water. At least then perhaps her body would never be found and her brother and her fri-.. Her brother and her pack wouldn't have to see her so weak and so.. So broken.)

More gunshots from behind her and she rejoiced when bullets whizzed from side to side, missing her by inches. They cut through the dark water, little torpedos flying past; she could see them when she swam under to avoid their visuals. (Anything to make them keep missing.)

The next time she surfaced and went back down, breath burning in her lungs she nearly grinned; she could see the shore through the pouring rain, see the banks of freedom and knew she would be back in Washington; well, closer to the border anyway.

'Keep swimming, Leah!' There it was again; his voice.

"Come ON, Karl!" Nathan yelled from the shore, watching his Alpha reload the pistol. "She's gonna get away!"

"The FUCK she isn't!" He screamed at the exact same time Leah felt her elbows brush against murky sand. Land!

Leah struggled to get to her feet, could see the forestry and trees being whipped around by the wind and she was about three feet out of the water, when the last shot rang out.

Blood spattered the sand as the bullet embedded low in her right shoulder; it took the girl to the ground.

Leah wondered what happened. There was so much pain, and then as she lay on her back, staring up into the raining black sky and blinking slowly, everything was fading away. Her legs were still in the water, up past her knees mostly and mid-thigh; it was cold, this time of year.

\--------

"Holy shit," Janice breathed, eyes wide from the other side of the shore. "You got her."

\--------

The cold began to spread upward and she gave a shiver before shutting her eyes. Leah wondered if Sam, Jacob, Seth and the others would miss her.


	9. Some Sunny Day

It was four o'clock. Then it was five. Before Seth knew it it was ten that night and _Jesus Christ_ where the fuck was his sister?!

The storm had reared its ugly, terrifying head again and rain hit the windowpanes like a stone's throw. It had been nice earlier that day, like in the morning hours... Seth had been hoping that if his sister had taken shelter somewhere from the storm overnight, she'd use the temporary break to haul her ass back home. No such luck. Now the storm was in full swing again; every two minutes lightning lit up the sky and thunder shook the house; the television had been knocked out for an hour now and even a few phone lines were down.

This was the second day; the second day now that Leah had been gone. No answers from phone calls, no text messages back... He was starting to freak. As in pace-by-phone and stare-out-windows freak. (Not piss-his-pants freak yet, but he got a feeling that if the phone rang once more and it wasn't Leah he just might.)

Well apparently it wasn't a lucky day for more than one Clearwater as the phone rang for like the hundredth time and Seth could feel hope coiling in his heart and belly, when inside he knew it wouldn't be her for some reason and that thought strangled him. Eyeing the caller ID he groaned and picked up the receiver.

"She's not home yet Sam."

"God _dammit._ " His Alpha hissed. "Any word from her at all? Has anyone seen her? I went looking by myself for a few hours earlier today and I trekked the border all the way up to Port Angeles again but there was no sign-"

"No." Hearing himself say the word caused Seth so much grief he felt like doubling over. Instead the younger sibling sighed deeply and scrubbed a clammy palm down his face. "Sam, I'm really starting to get worried. Leah only stayed out overnight once before and even when she was that mad she still called.. I don't know what to do man, I'm drivin' myself crazy." Once again for like the zillionth time, Seth reran images of Leah in situations no person should ever find themselves in. Leah being kidnapped, Leah getting attacked by a bloodsucker when her back was turned, Leah getting shot-

Seth jumped at the sound of another hideous bolt of lightning lighting up his dingy living room. (Yeah; lights were out too.)

"Seth? Are you okay?" Sam asked. Sighing the youngest Clearwater nodded.

"Yeah.. I'm okay.."

"I know you're worried Seth; we all are."

"Really? Are you?" Seth gritted his teeth. "What about Paul? Has that prick said anything?" Seth had to suppress a growl. "Has he done a goddamn thing to make up for what he did?"

"He's been looking too. Look I'll tell you the same thing I told you and Jacob last night-"

"Don't bother Sam.. Look I know Paul's just a dick alright it's just the fact that my _sister_ is _still_ not fucking home and I'm bouncing off the goddamn walls wondering if she's okay!" Seth could barely believe the ferocity that shone through in his own words. He had _never_ been this worried about Leah before.

The other end of the phone line was silent for a moment, and Seth wondered if Sam had lost his line connection.

"I'm scared too." Sam's low murmur came as a surprise.

Seth blinked. He was about to ask Sam why his sister's ex-boyfriend sounded so indeed overly concerned when Sam spoke up again.

"Look, we shouldn't stay on the phones for long.. She might be trying to call one of us."

'Yeah. Like she'd call _you_ if she was in trouble.' Seth thought, but he nodded to himself anyway. "Okay. I'll call you if she comes home." With that he hung up the phone.

Barely a minute passed; more thunder, and more ringing.

"Seth?" It was Jake this time of course. Like it had been on and off the last thirty times his second Alpha called. "Is she-"

"No Jake she's not home. I'm supposed to leave the line open, see yah." Seth hung up.

His cell vibrated. 'Oh for the love of...' Seth didn't even bother to look at it since it was obviously Jake. He still found himself glancing anyway in the hopes that it would be Leah- No sir, Jake.

_why'd yeh hang up? _ Seth rolled his eyes and dropped his phone onto the coffee table. He knew Jake was a caring guy; and it was obvious to everyone, of course, how Sam still had feelings for Leah. He cared about her a lot. But this, _this_ was strange behavior. Leah would run off before and they hadn't so much as batted an eyelash out their doors to look for her. Why were they suddenly so interested in his sister's safety?

With a sigh (which was becoming strangely addictive to all members of the Clearwater household) Seth found himself walking, almost timidly back over to the window. It looked even worse than what it had a few minutes before. This time the picnic table they kept out back for fires was turned over. His teeth pulled his bottom lip between them in pure stress. Fuck, it was bad..

'Please be okay, sis. Please come home.'

\---------

Jake listened to the floorboards creak underneath his own massive weight as he continuously paced back and forth, right and left, eyes hardly straying from the picture window in his living room. The Clearwater household was only a few minutes down the street from the Black's and he knew that if Leah came walking home, he'd be the first one to see her walking down the beaten path.

He hadn't seen so much as a squirrel out that night. It was depressing, and worrying, and.. Infuriating! Jake hoped to hell and back that his previous Beta was okay. He hoped the kiss they'd shared two days before wasn't one of the reasons she'd run off besides Paul's dick move.

He was angry, because, inside, Jake knew he should've bolted out that door the moment she did. He'd outrun and equaled Leah before; if he tried hard enough he could of caught her before the wind and the rain destroyed her trail. He shouldn't of brushed it off as just another one of Leah's pointless episodes.

Gulping down an unwelcome knot in his throat, Jake turned his head and cast a look to his father's door. Billy had been talking to Sue earlier, before he went to bed, and even Leah's own mother wasn't that worried. In fact, despite the storm, she invited Charlie over for a candlelight dinner.

' _She runs off all the time,'_ Sue had said, ' _just give her time to cool down and she'll slink back home eventually.'_

It made Jake wanna put a fist through the window, which was so bravely holding its own against the beating rain. He liked Sue yes, but indeed he knew when enough was enough. Inside Jake always thought Leah was too much of a cunt towards Sam and Emily, but at the same time he knew that when she'd needed her mom the most, Sue had run right to Emily's side instead. It was made worse by the fact that Harry was gone. He was Leah's rock; it held her steady.

It seemed like nowadays Sue was all too willing to let her daughter go too, the same way her husband had. And the Clearwater fights got even worse once Charlie came into the picture.

With a shake of his head Jake upset the thoughts. He wasn't pacing by the window at nearly two AM because of stupid family problems that could be fixed with a quick hug; he was there because the thought of Leah, out alone in that storm terrified the shit out of him.

Rubbing a sore muscle in his left arm that he'd pulled two days ago (trying to hold Seth back from kicking Paul's ass), Jake found himself sighing and letting his eyes slip from the window to the floor. He should've let Seth beat Paul's stupid face. It would've served him right, definitely.

Next time Jacob glanced at his cell phone time, where Seth _still_ hadn't texted him back, another twenty minutes had passed by while he was in thought. With a sigh he shoved it down into his PJ pants pocket and turned away from the window. The poor boy could feel exhaustion wearing away at his body and he knew that not sleeping and starving himself wasn't going to bring Leah home, so he headed for his bedroom and crawled into bed.

Inside, he prayed for her safety. Inside, he knew he didn't love her; but he wished she'd come home just so he could say he had the chance to kiss her again.

The wind howled strong.

\----------

With a sigh, Sam kicked the covers off and sat up in bed, swinging his legs over the side and rubbing at his eyes. Looking at the dingy screen of his cell phone, Sam could see that it was just pass four-thirty AM and he _still_ hadn't gotten a wink of sleep that night.

How could he?... She was gone. Leah was still missing, and he was so racked with guilt and the fact that there was nothing he could do just made it all the worse. He looked over at the radio, lowly playing and wondered if anyone else was up that he knew of, that still had electricity.

_Mama told me, when I was young._   
_Said 'sit beside me, my only son._   
_And listen closely, to what I say._   
_And if you do this, it'll help you,_   
_some sunny day.'_

He could barely hear the song over the anger of the wind. He sighed. He was a prick. Sam Uley, so-called 'King of La Push' was a degrading, self-hating prick. He hated the fact that he had broken two women.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw Emily sleep. Asleep on her side, her _good side_ upwards, letting the scars kiss the pillow.

Scars _he'd_ made. Leah's emotional damage.. It was like he'd taken a hacksaw to Emily and injected poison into Leah. Both of which, extensions of himself. Extensions he never thought he was capable of ever using, ever doing.. Those acts seemed more accustomed to his deadbeat father.

_'Oh take your time; don't live too fast._  
Troubles will come; and they will pass.  
 _Go find a woman; you'll find love._   
_And don't forget son, there is someone_   
_up above.'_

What he'd done had never been in Sam's plans for life at all. He'd tried so goddamn hard to be different. But fate still fucked him and it made him so friggen angry he could up and leave everything he'd suffered so much to build; but at the same time it made him so sad, that he could put a pistol to his temple and decide he wouldn't be anybody's problem anymore.

Sam knew he'd found love; he didn't know if he returned it. Running a hand through his hair he pursed his lips. He thought he did... He thought he loved Emily. But worrying so much about Leah, and judging by how much he'd craved her presence and started noticing her so much in the last few months made him seriously wonder; seriously rethink.

Life was simple; he wanted it to be simple again.

_'And be a simple kind of man._   
_Be something, you love and understand._   
_Baby be a simple kind of man;_   
_Won't you do this, for me son, if you can?'_

Thinking back to that pistol, Sam remembered his guiltiest of thoughts. The thought that put the gun in his hand and his finger on the trigger. _'I want them both.'_

He'd wanted to die. Sam had been denying it to himself but facing it made him realize. He always had to keep Leah around because she was his true love; not an imprinting disaster. Emily was the rope that kept him secured to the earth, and fate had made him live for her but he didn't really want to. Well, fate sort of _made_ him want to.

He wanted both of them, with him all the time. He wanted to keep them hurting so they were marked by him and him only, always.

_'Forget your lust, for the rich man's gold._   
_All that you need, is in your soul._   
_And you can do this, oh baby.. If you try._   
_All that I want for you my son, is to be satisfied.'_

He couldn't let either of them go. Emily didn't want to let him go; he was fine with that, he didn't really want to let her go either; fate's fault. But Leah.. Leah wished desperately for some reprieve from his thoughts and actions towards her.

But it was Leah, now that he realized it, that he would fight for the most.

_'And be a simple kind of man._   
_Be something, you love and understand._   
_Baby be a simple kind of man; Won't you do this, for me son, if you can?'_   
_Oh yes I will.'_

The lyrics seemed like words right out of his mother's mouth when she made him promise Sam Uley would never become Joshua Uley.

Now look what had happened..

_'Boy, don't you worry; you'll find yourself._   
_Follow your heart; and nothing else._   
_And you can do this, oh baby; if you try._   
_All that I want for you my son, is to be satisfied.'_

_'And be a simple kind of man._   
_Be something, you love and understand._   
_Baby be a simple kind of man;_   
_Oh won't you do this for me son, if you can?'_

Sam knew he wasn't going to sleep that night. He probably wouldn't sleep at all 'til she was home. Where she belonged.

By him.

He sighed, opening the drawer of his nightstand and pulling out a picture. He and Leah were on first beach, his arms locked around her thin hips and her head rested in the crook of his neck; his lips pressed to her cheek. They looked so happy. She was wearing his necklace.

Emily came to visit two days later.

_'Baby be a simple.._   
_Be a simple man._   
_Be something you love and understand._   
_Baby be a simple kind of man.'_

' _Where she belongs,'_ Sam thought bitterly. 'I wish I had that gun right about now.'

The wind screamed ferocity stronger than ever.


	10. Broken Inside

**MS:** Guys its really come to my attention that the format for this story, the italics of thought and songs are just NOT showing up well on this damn site's archive. If you want to read this story in a view that's slightly less confusing and bewildering, I'd recommend searching me on fanfiction.net. My user is the same there as it is here; sorry for the inconvenience and the errors. Stupid site. :(

* * *

 

 

Two days bled into five. And then into six.

La Push had officially become terrified and disoriented. Sue was finally starting to go crazy, calling friends and family from Forks to Port Angeles (whoever still had a phone that was working) and asking frantically 'have you seen my daughter???'...

No one ever did. No one saw Leah.

Emily braved the storm and hiked over every day with a basket of muffins. Seth couldn't eat; he was too scared, in all brutal honesty. The dreams, the images in his head got a hundred times worse as the storm grew around them and the darkness that had swallowed up La Push seemed to be choking down any and all hope that his sister was coming home.

When he looked around his house, saw her room there; bed, made perfectly like no one had ever slept in there and the room had grown dusty. That was one of his greatest fears; eventually, would life move on without Leah..? Would his friends and the remainder of his family learn to live without her, and ignore the shallow room and forget altogether that he had a spirited, beautiful, talented sibling...?

Would he, himself, forget that Leah even existed...?

Because Seth and Paul (yeah, _Paul)_ had been spending a lot of time together the last day or two. They'd searched together (found nothing), patrolled together (found nothing), and they'd talked together. Surprisingly, Paul had said more then than Seth thought he'd ever heard the hothead werewolf say in his life; words from the heart, anyway. And it seemed like they had both grown so accustomed to hearing the deafening wind and the pitterpatter of rain in the backdrop of Seth's worrying and Paul's apologies that it seemed a regular part of life.

Mundane, colorless, scary, depressing life. They'd learned to live with the storm. (They could only hope Leah was just as lucky.)

So, it was amazing the things you could live with; if the whole community of La Push and Forks had harmonized with the storm then that meant Seth could survive without his sister.

And holy fucking jesus christ on the cross, he could not.

Seth would shoot himself in the head before he gave up on his sister.

Actually, after hearing all of Paul's 'I'm so goddamn, fucking _sorry'_ , and his mother's sobs, and Jake's thoughts, and most of all Sam's agony, Seth was sure he wasn't the only one. He would make sure the whole damn world knew his sister's name.

Whether she was with him or not.

\---------

"I'm sorry, boys... I just don't condone any of you making any huge trips in this horrible weather. Taha Aki would suggest the same I am sure."

Old Quil held a blanket around him with one aged hand (he was feeling ill; not enough sun.), and his eyes held so much sympathy for his young pack who stood before him.

"But Sir, our sister, she has to be out there somewhere-"

"Hush, Samuel, hush. I know you're worried; all of us are. But my son, the gods must be furious; this storm is unlike anything I have ever seen and the weather pros predict it even worse yet. I cannot let all of you venture out there in search of Leah, only to get yourselves hurt."

"You can't expect us to just sit around here while she's missing!" Seth exclaimed, jumping up from his seat. He began to pace back and forth, his mother's weary eyes changing glances between her withered son and her equally weary counsel friend. "She's my sister.." Seth trailed off. "I need her."

"Please, Seth, my boy.. You're rushing too fast into this game of cat and mouse. I can read what you and Sam are thinking of me in your souls; your youthful eyes do not well to hide emotions. And believe me honorable son, the other elders and I do _not_ see it the way you think we do. We care about your sister, Seth; we just care too much about the rest of you to let you go and perhaps get equally harmed. You cannot deny us that right."

Seth almost bit through his lower lip and slumped back down in his seat, burying his head in his hands.

All of a sudden there was a loud bang.

All the eyes in the room shot upwards as Sam's fist slid down the bristled wall of the counsel house. Their Alpha was in such a state. Sam looked haggard, depressed and hardly capable of staying on his own two feet. Emily chewed her lip as she thought about rising up to help her fiancee, but Paul's hand on her wrist stopped her.

Sam was breathing heavily; fingers twitching and sweat was pouring down his russet forehead.

"I don't give an honest fuck, sir, what you 'condone' or not. I'm sorry." You could hear jaws hit the floor. _No one_ honestly had the balls to call off an elder; in Taha Aki's ancient words, 'flaying ye elder with unflattering commentary earned thy youngster a red behind and a pouty face. In hell.'

"My word, Sam-"

"No. Don't you dare try and talk me down." Sam spat, turning to face Jacob's father. The man honestly looked like he was going to bolt up out of his wheelchair and run away, he looked so shaken. "Leah's out there, and I'm going to find her. I don't care if cops say it's impossible; or whether you insist it's a suicide mission I'm still gonna find her. The rest of you can fucking give up looking if you want."

Seth stood up as Sam turned away, and Jake did as well. Sue, Billy and Old Quil watched in awe as Sam approached the door. With a last glance backward, Sam said,

"I won't let her go."

And then he left the hall, with Seth and Jake tagging along behind. Emily approached the kind counsel members and began to murmur hasty apologies for her fiance's brash actions.

"It's so un-Sam-like.." Emily muttered, laying her hand over Old Quil's own. "But you have to believe me, good sir, he's so worried. I promise, the rest of us will keep our heads on our shoulders since Sam obviously can't at this difficult time-"

When Emily turned around again, the whole pack was gone.

\--------

Ever since the Volturi incident and Renesmee's birth, the wolf pack and the Cullens were maintaining their alliance. Jake and Seth actually stayed over there regularly; but when Leah went missing, the friendly vampires weren't surprised that Jake could hardly make time even for his imprint. Rosalie was quite happy, actually; she'd almost achieved her goal of ridding the house of the 'wet dog smell'.

So you could say she was pissed at first when that overpowering stench hit her notrils as soon as there was a knock at the door. Grumbling, Rosalie sashayed over the hardwood floor in her heels and pulled open the wide-set door.

If her heart was still beating, it surely would've broken as she saw the hopelessness, the pain etched onto the two Alpha's faces.

"....." Reluctantly, of course, she found herself silent; and without asking a question or saying a word the blonde vampire stepped aside and ushered the pack inside.

The half-naked men were drenched, water practically saturating the floors where they stood and the raw power of the wind having mussed their hair and reddened their cheeks and noses. All seven shifters walked slowly into the open house, their presence bringing attention into the living room.

Alice, fortune-teller extraordianaire, flitted down the stairs and stopped in her tracks at the bottom of the stairs at the worn out expressions on their faces; the growing loss of light in their eyes. Esme stepped silently out of the kitchen, took one look at the boys who had suddenly lost so much weight and stepped right back in, starting to prepare some sort of meal. Emmett was already in the living room, enjoying himself a hockey game. When they sat down, he shut off the television. Jasper's fists were clenched and Alice took his hand. This depression was such an overpowering emotion. Renesmee, the love of Jake's life apparently walked out of the kitchen as well, and walked over to her imprint. She wound her skinny arms around his muscled frame, burying her cool skin into the warmth of his moist shoulder. Jake simply rested his hand upon her arm; like saying this was not the time. And Bella, well the pain in her old best friend's eyes stopped her in her tracks like her fashionista sister.

"...Seth, don't think like that." All eyes moved upward to Edward, descending the stairs. Alice and Jasper parted like the red sea for him. "She's not my sister; in fact, Leah isn't that close to this family at all but seeing her in those situations still, it's painful." He muttered. The pain that he felt at reading those thoughts made it seem like his steel face would crack.

Seth looked down, burying his head in his hands.

Thunder cackled evilly outside in the midnight rain; day six. Tomorrow was a solid week that Leah Clearwater was missing. Tomorrow was a solid week that kept police choppers out of the sky because of tornado winds. The solid week mark that prevented search parties outside of the shifters to enter the woods and drive to the cities. So, who did that leave..?

"Will you help?" Edward's golden eyes centered on Sam. Fuck, he looked as worse as Leah's brother. His eyes were dark and tired; Jasped, Edward could tell from his brother's thoughts, was on edge trying desperately to revert Sam's mood and was becoming more frustrated as.. As his powers failed.

"Of course." Alice said. "I don't care what Edward says... And whether you guys smell like Lassie on a bender or not... You're a part of this family, to me. And to Edward, and to Esme and to everyone else. So is she.. And we'll help you find her."

"This family owes you that much and so much more." Carlisle stepped out from behind the wall hiding a hallway, briefcase in his hands. "Sam, I'm glad to see you've finally made your presence known in this house. We're very glad to have you." The respect and the dedication in the doctor's voice did little to help Sam's weary attitude.

He hated working with the enemy; literally or figuratively, he didn't care. But when Jake imprinted on Renesmee he was forced to deal with talk of them on a daily basis. And now, with the only girl he'd ever truly loved as his own gone missing.... Well, for her.. He would.

That was all he thought to say.

"...Thanks."

Sam nearly jumped out of his skin when a freezing hand was placed firmly on his shoulder and he whipped his head around. It was her; the blonde one. Jake went so far as to cock an eyebrow at the strange show of affection; he half expected Rosalie to try and throw Sam out of the house or something;... But then her thumb began a gentle stroking motion over the muscles in his shoulder. Jake could hardly believe it.

"We'll find her, Sam." It was the softest anyone in the mansion (could it really be considered a house?) had ever remembered hearing Rosalie's voice. Sam could only nod.

Edward, at the other end of the room, was busying himself by picking through their thoughts:

Embry: ' _We've searched everywhere... All the way up to the Canadian border and back.'_

Jared: _'I hope she's not doing this on purpose... Leah wouldn't do that, no.. Not for this long..'_

Quil: _'Heh. Just when you started thinking that no voice can get more annoying. I wish she was here.'_

Paul: _'I'll never live with myself if we don't find her.'_

Jacob: _'My beta. My beta... My best friend, almost... How could I let her get hurt like that..?'_

Seth: _'Please come home Leah.... I wonder; would they think I was completely lame if I started to cry right now..?'_

Sam: _'You always fucking do this. You bring me to the edge and you send me right back again; with so much goddamn feeling in between that I don't know where to sleep at night... Well if you're strong enough to torment me, and you're bitchy enough to hold your own against the world I fully goddamn know that you're not dead. You're out there; and I'm gonna find you. I think I Lo.... Edward, get the fuck out of my head.'_

Edward shook his head to relieve himself of the imagery; Leah crying, Leah falling to her knees in her bedroom as he left her, and Leah only standing, standing and watching as paramedics wheeled Sam's now-fiancee into the emergency room for a tattered face. The last bout of memory took him by surprise, though;

Well, it wasn't a memory; at least Edward didn't think it was. It was like.. It was like Sam was remembering a dream, pushing his stressed out mind to replay scenes he was too close to forgetting for his own comfort. Leah and himself in the throws of passion; then the room begins to shake and a terrible fissure splits the floor. The naked couple gets pulled to opposite ends of the room, and then Emily joins Sam on his end and takes his hand; he screams over his shoulder for Leah; but her side of the floor is moving too fastly away; she's gone.

Golden eyes went to Sam again; but by this time his thoughts had turned off and his face held more pain then a cancer patient. His hand was on the door and the Alpha turned to look at Edward.

"Well, instead of poking around in my head why don't you come help me search instead?" Sam growled out. Edward only nodded again. Rosalie, surprisingly joined Sam by the door (she was unwilling to admit her respect for the she-wolf to others, but she wasn't so vain has to hide the feelings from herself), and Emmett as well. Then came Jasper.

Alice would opt to stay behind so she could help Esme forcefeed the wolves who looked too tired to go on. Bella would as well and Jake needed Renesmee right now. Everyone sort of knew it was pointless to try and make Sam stay behind. In fact, Seth looked pained like he should be searching as well; one look from Sam sent the younger boy into the kitchen where he began piling food onto a plate.

Then they were gone. Wind hissed like a yowling cat as the door opened and blew shut again. Rain was still coming down in buckets; more like wet snow.

'Once more into the breach, dear friends.' Edward thought.

\--------

They searched into the dawn; they'd started at twilight and they still had nothing to show for it. Not a hair; not a paw print or a footprint. Nothing that had survived the savagery of the weather so far.

It was so dingy; so ominous and shadowy that even when dawn had broken over the high cliffs and seas of La Push that it seemed like an eclipse had possessed the new moon, still visible up high in the sky as the sun moved nearer to the equator.

 _Well I couldn't tell you, why she felt that way._  
She felt it, every day. A  
nd I couldn't help her; I just watched her make,   
The same mistakes again.

They arrived back at the Cullens' place around nine AM. They'd scoured every dirt trail; treaded every over-flooded lake and creek and they'd dove from the cliffs they knew Leah loved so much. The radio was on.

 _What's wrong what's wrong now?_  
Too many too many problems.   
Don't know where she belongs..   
Where she belongs.

Plates were empty in the sink and Esme and Bella were scrubbing them; silent as the stars. Water dripped from the sodden five figures as they moved farther into the room.

Seth's eager eyes (broke Sam's heart) rose up from staring at the floor. They became reaquainted with the rug again in a second as he drew his answer from the stale faces. He was becoming used to them.

 _She wants to go home; but nobody's home._  
That's where she lies; Broken inside.   
With no place to go, no place to go.   
To dry her eyes.   
Broken inside.

Edward was normally all too willing to assess thoughts and actions; observe what others could not. Not today. Not right then. (faintly, he wondered if he'd ever be able to look into the pack's minds again if they lost their sister.) The pain would break his hard exterior in half.

Sam dropped to his knees. Emmett grit his teeth and followed his newfound ally down, taking Sam's arm against his will and putting it over his shoulders. 'Not you too, Sammy.' Sam all but grumbled his thanks as Emmett helped him over to the nearest chair. The pack's weary eyes followed him, Jared standing at the ready with a cold cloth and a glass of water.

One look from Sam sent him away. (Who was in more danger here..? Sam, or Leah?)

 _Open your eyes; and look outside._  
Find the reasons why,   
you've been rejected;   
And now you can't find, what you've left behind.

Bella and Esme seemed to stop their work. Their eyes drifted up to the window above the sink. The rain on the glass sent slinking fingers, marred shadows and reflections stretching across the floor in relation to the dim light.

Rosalie for once didn't move immediately to the mirror to check her matter hair; shaken with leaves and dirt and rainwater that aged her timeless face. She dropped onto the couch beside Seth and that was where she stayed.

 _Be strong be strong now;_  
Too many too many problems.   
Don't know where she belongs.   
Where she belongs.

Alice took Jasper's hand into her own and felt him shake. Knew the sadness was tearing her lover apart and could only hope that they stopped soon. Then cursed herself for thinking so dejectedly; she was not the one who'd lost her star to the moon, thanked her boyfriend silently for working so hard to fix things he didn't have a ghost of a chance with.

Renesmee's cheeks were as white as her parents' as she thought she saw Jacob cry. Well, not cry; one demure tear that he wipied away by the back of his massive hand as soon as it formed above his pronounced cheekbones. She'd never really liked Leah; in fact, she despised the girl as much as the only female shifter seemed to despise her. And then she remembered Leah getting her a birthday gift. ' _You made her buy me one.'_ ' _Yeah.' 'Then I don't want it.. It's not really from her.' 'Ness, I made her get you a card. The hamster was her idea.'_

The little girl knew she'd never understand his pain and she clung to him for dear life.

 _She wants to go home; but nobody's home._  
That's where she lies; broken inside.   
With no place to go, no place to go; To dry her eyes..   
Broken inside.

Carlisle watched his family suffer; watched his friends in agony. Felt his heart being ripped in two by a defined force called guilt as he had recognized symptoms of depression in Leah Clearwater six months ago. Guilt wrenched his voicebox and forced the kind doctor silent as he watched her ex-lover on the brink of insanity, ignoring his fiancee's phone calls and fighting back the scream that was concealed in his muscled chest. If Sam would fight it; so would they.

Paul knew no one was looking at him; knew deep down below his hot exterior that no one would dare to because they didn't want another family member to disappear into the mouth of the deathstorm outside. Paul knew that was what they saw; he knew he thought beyond that. There were so many other dangers then that storm. Hell; Leah Clearwater was a storm all her own and he damn well knew it maybe a lot better than the rest of his friends did. Most of all though, Paul knew he was sorry. He was _so_ goddamn sorry.

 _Her feelings, she hides;_  
Her dreams, she can't find;   
She's losin' her mind, she's fallin' behind!   
She can't find her place; she's losin' her faith;   
She's fallen from grace she's all over the place..!   
Yeah..

The music was the only thing that seemed to keep the noise of the storm at bay; the only thing that kept the occupants of the hollow walls connected. Because in their minds they saw separate pictures; in their hearts they felt different things. In their bodies they would suffer alone. Outside the bubble where common sounds played, everyone heard both; the storm or the music and be damned would they listen to the very thing that tore them and the world apart.

 _She wants to go home, but nobody's home._  
That's where she lies; broken inside.   
With no place to go, no place to go;   
To dry her eyes.. Broken inside.

The silence seemed appropriate.

_She's lost inside, lost inside.  
She's lost inside, lost inside._


	11. Know There's No Life After You

She thought she was dead.

The last thing she'd seen was a rainy, grey sky; story of her life. She remembered blistering pain for a moment; and then it dulled, just like her vision. Creeping blackness destroyed her peripheries first, soon encasing the sky and all with it and then everything was just gone.

Leah could remember it had been hard to focus; but as soon as the feeling of foreboding death sent chills up her injured limbs the female shifter knew just where her thoughts should rest; on her family.

She remembered everyones face clearly in the haze that was her mind. She saw her mother, the beautiful Sue Clearwater. With her anger at her mother, for being with Charlie so soon, placed aside, Leah remembered her compassionate face and her everlasting and undoubtable love for both her and Seth. How she longed for her mother's arms that held her through her toughest times and wiped the tears away when she cried. ...Maybe Charlie would be able to make her happy, after _she_ was _gone_.

Leah saw Seth. Oh God _Seth_. She couldn't contain the heartwrenching sob that followed. Her cry echoed in the midnight dark room. Seth, the only one she seemed to still have a chance of connecting with and who she knew still loved her. Would she ever see him again? His face overcame her mind, his sweet expression full of love. _Seth_.

Jacob. God. He had been so kind to her, understanding, and life-altering. His presence calmed her, soothed her when she needed to be soothed. They understood the pain and depression eachother were going through and their relationship developed from the torment and sorrow they shared. He was there for Leah whenever she needed him, acting as her own personal star; lighting up the darkness in her heart.

She reminisced on Embry. That arrogant bastard... She'd miss him.

Quil. Leah prayed for his happiness in the long years that would follow him, the ones she wouldn't be there for.

Jared. Colin. Brady.

Each name was a stab to her heart. Another person she would never be able to see again.

Paul.

May he rot in the fiery pits of hell for all she cared.

Then she saw Emily. Her breathtaking features marred by the permanent scars inflicted on her face. She reminisced on her kindness, her love. Oh _Emily_. Her heart ached at the thought of her cousin and once upon a time, best friend. Emily had left a permanent mark, an imprint, on her heart. She had always been there for her, when no one else understood, providing her an escape. Her heart throbbed as she remembered everything she and Emily had been through as cousins and friends. Without warning, the only memory she wished to suppress overtook her mind.

_It had been a beautiful night. The moonlight shone brilliantly upon the beach and the golden and russet flames from bonfire cast breathtaking shadows._

_Leah was stunning. Her hair hung in a beautiful mess, the long mane tousled over her precariously and accented by the ruby flames. Leah's eyes were midnight and smoldering and her russet skin gleamed. Her necklace hung from her neck, the brilliant sapphire and cerulean pendant the only contrast in the redish hues of the fiery blaze. Everything about the night was perfect._

_Emily stood at her left. Her hair was pulled elegantly into an elaborate design on her head, the beautiful french braid wrapping around. Her face was breathtaking then, not maimed by the scars that were later to come. They walked together, hand in hand, and Leah searched for_ his _face among the others that encompassed them._

_"Embry," Leah had inquired, "Do you know where Sam is?"_

_"Oh thats right!," Embry sighed, clearly remembering that he had a message from Sam to give to Leah, "Sam said not to wait for him. He'll be here later tonight."_

_The night continued. Between the dancing and the laughter and the food, everything was perfect. When Leah's thoughts drifted to Sam, she clutched her hand around 'the heart of the ocean' and read Sam's silent promise: "_ Leah; when life is pulling you deeper and trying to drown you, swim for home. I'll always be waiting for you. Love, Sam."

_When the time came for Old Quil and Billy to tell the legends of the Quiluete tribe, Emily was captivated. Her reaction stunned Leah. This was the first time she had been at a Quiluete bonfire and therefore, the first time she had heard the legends. Her expression was brilliant, her stunned face torn between admiration and.. Knowledge. Her reaction had been similar to the one Leah had when she first heard the mystical legends of "Spirit Warriors" and the beauty of "imprinting" (_ at least she had thought it was beautiful at the time) _. When the tales had finished, Emily smiled, a slow brilliant smile, one that would later be marred by the scars._

_Sam came then. His arms encircled Leah's waist and he buried his head in her neck, sighing deeply and inhaling the glorious scent that was Leah. Sam lifted her off her feet and flipped her into his chest. She sighed, content in Sam's warm arms. They faced each other silently, their eyes locked. Sam's eyes smoldered, darker than midnight, as he looked at Leah. Spellbound by the miraculous epiphany that Leah's breathtaking self was meant for him. He couldn't believe that she was his. He had kissed Leah deeply, pasionately, fervently._

_"Sam," she murmered against him, placing kisses along his collarbone. He put her down gently and then placed his arms around her waist._

"I wanted you to meet my cousin, Emily."

_That was when Leah's world shifted. As Sam stiffened and his arms dropped from her waist, Leah reached for her necklace, knowing that the beautiful sapphire pendant and the promising engraving would always be there... Even when Sam wouldn't._

_The universe had been altered. Even though she hadn't been able to understand the significance and magic behind what had just happened, she saw the brilliance and the light that surrounded both Emily and Sam. It was blinding, and she felt her eyes water when she caught a glimpse of the expression mirrored in both of their faces._

_Admiration._

_Love._

_With her 'heart of the ocean' lying upon her palms Leah read the inscription to herself silently._

'Leah; when life is pulling you deeper and trying to drown you, swim for home. I'll always be waiting for you. Love, Sam.'

_I'll always be waiting for you... Love, Sam..._

~*~

Leah cried out, deservedly, after the torture her memory had inflicted on her.

_Sam._

She'd dwelled on _his_ face the longest.

His beautiful face that she swore Michaelangelo had carved himself. Leah saw the love and admiration in his eyes when he looked at her, as if seeing through to her soul. His piercing midnight eyes and scorching warmth. She would miss him...

And now, she was here... In this horrible, horrible hell where fire burned her limbs to the epitome of pain and everything was always black; save for the moments where the light was let in, and brought with it her torture.

Leah supposed she was alive, yeah; and she knew they still had her. Could feel burning rope, rubbing her wrists and ankles raw. Could smell the filthy stench of sex mixed with her own blood and probably their's, she didn't know. She heard their voices; speaking of her, speaking of plans for the future that had everything, she guessed, and yet nothing to do with her.

Her back was nothing but a dominant ache; a searing pain that racked her entire body with white hot streaks of agony everytime she attempted to move, or, everytime they moved her. She'd been shot, hadn't she? Yeah...

Then there was the crushing weight, the heavy feeling settled permanently on her chest, her ribs and her stomach and it got a hundred times worse whenever he came back in and used her again. (How long had she been awake...?) Leah honestly didn't know; struggling, trying desperately was more like it though and she tried to think of the timing schedule. The shewolf had drifted in and out of sleep forever, it seemed; or consciousness? She didn't know (jesus she knew this but she didn't know that, on and on). Her brain was too muddled, too oxygen-deprived for too long perhaps and it just fucked everything up.

She should never have left home.

A creak sounded from the other end of the room. Oh, fuck. Not again. 'Please, not again...'

Light suddenly soaked the room in his ominous presence and he laughed at her, watched her shut her eyes pathetically against the burn. (Didn't know it was just because she couldn't bare to watch this.)

"Sleeping, were you?" Karl. "I'm sorry if I woke you. But me and you, see, we need to have a little talk." (Could you _hear_ smirks now?)

' _Bite your goddamn tongue Clearwater and don't you dare utter a word to that prick until he finally kills you. Don't let him have the satisfaction!!'_

She heard a page turn. The book.

"It's strange, yah know, that your pack doesn't have one of these. ..Or does it? You don't seem too interested in this."

_'I'm a good liar.'_ She heard more pages turning in the giant book. No, the Quileute natives did not have a book like that. But fuck, Leah wished they did. It had everything; the things Karl had read to her from that book, the incidents he explained to her that herself and none of the elders knew shit about. It was like unravelling the mystery only too late to solve it, getting told the answers to life's greatest questions and at the same time learning to say 'fuck you God' in a hundred different languages all at once.

The book had everything; everything her pack had needed or ever wanted to know. And it was too late. For her, anyway.

Karl waited a minute more before sighing heavily and flipping another page. He leant against the wall casually, reading over the lines written in ancient script handwriting. Passed down from generation to generation of Cree shapeshifters; it was their Gospel. Their light and it had all the answers they would ever need to know; that's what made it so easy to take the girl. What made it so easy for them to grow up bigger and stronger than the others, and add to their pack even faster than the regular rate. How they tore bloodsuckers apart with barely a second glance; and, perhaps most interesting of all, how to subdue a rare female shifter.

But he wouldn't read those entries to Leah; not yet. Karl Flying Arrow found himself chuckling out loud when he stuck one hand into his pocket and pulled something up from the depths.

"I take it you're not going to talk again today." Ah, so more than a few days had passed. "Well that's too bad. I guess I'll have to do enough talking for the both of us then, won't I?"

There was a familiar, almost silent click and Leah's eyes shot open.

Karl burst out laughing. "'Leah; when life is pulling you deeper and trying to drown you, swim for home. I'll always be waiting for you. Love, Sam.' So this was what got you all hot n' bothered while I fucked you the other day? Some stupid Alpha issue?" He laughed again; but there was, indeed, a hint of something else in his voice. Jealousy, maybe? Anger? Hell yes.

Leah nearly bit through her lip at the reading of the scripture and before she could stop herself a sob erupted from her throat, causing Karl to step closer to her with that I'm-Better-Than-You smirk on his face.

"So what happened? Samuel mentioned that his fiancee's name was Emily. Pretty touching gift to give to someone who he wasn't in love with don'tcha think?" He asked her, genuine curiousty coloring his words now. But then Karl was silent for a moment; Leah liked it that way. "...Or did he love you?"

She turned her head away from him, shut her eyes as tight as she could and quailed another cry of pain both physical and emotional from escaping. (Don't pity me.)

"Well well well. That's just depressing. He imprinted on her, didn't he? The girl in the pictures, the girl with the ruined face. Did he do that? Hm?"

_'Stay silent, girl. Silent.'_

"Hm. I feel bad for you. Sucks I guess, because it's clear you're havin' a spot of trouble gettin' over your Alpha there. You know what? I think I wanna read you something. Can't let your deliciously bad mood go to waste." The smirk was so clear in his grotesque voice that Leah wanted to scream at him, launch herself out of her holds and tear up his face worse than her deformed cousin's. But she couldn't. All she could do was flinch as he sat at the edge of the bed, dipping the blood-stained mattress.

"'Page 347; Imprinting, Genetics, and Why.'" Leah's breath caught in her throat.

No fucking way.

"'The brilliance of imprinting is, according to tribal folklore, extremely rare. However, it's a lot more common than one thinks. It is estimated that in a pack of ten wolves, seven will imprint. However there is a miraculous exception to this rule; the exception, being a female shapeshifter.' That means **you** , sweetheart."

Another sob and it took almost all her conscious energy to keep the tears from falling, keep that weight that hindered her ability to breathe at bay.

"'Female shifters are very rare occurences; but as-....'" Karl suddenly stopped. "..You know what? Never mind. I'll just skip right to my favorite part." No! Leah wanted to hear it, needed to hear it-

"'Breaking an Imprint and the Pain that Comes With It; page 351.'"

No.

No fucking way.

Not possible.

Not funny.

'..........' (You know you're shocked when even your thoughts are silent.)

"A little surprised are we?" He laughed loudly, bursting Leah out of her catatonic stage. Had she heard him right...? Was he telling the truth??? "Here's the rest dear. 'Breaking an imprint is tricky business; but to the person who has the greatest reason for doing so, it is very possible. Although slightly rare as well (as estimated, only about five members of this tribe in all of history have even sought out how), it can be a rewarding experience if done for the right reasons. Ending an imprint is life-changing, and painful both physically and emotionally. Time must be spent-' yada yada yada..." Karl made clicking noises with his tongue as he skimmed, "Aha! 'But certain events have been known to shatter imprints all on their own. Even rarer an occurence then female wolves, these shifts in time and feeling are considered an act of nothing less than god and divine intervention. But most of all, it takes pure sheer love to break an imprint.'"

Leah's heart couldn't take this.. No.. Not at all...

"'It takes pure, sheer love; to even make it possible.'" Karl closed the book and looked at her, pity in those black eyes. "I guess he didn't love you as much as you thought he did, hm? As much as you wished he did."

That was it. Tears spilled forth and she screamed. The only thing that even came close to her wail of pain was Karl's laughter. When she'd quieted, when only the heaves and sobs racked her body and he could tell her lack of breath would soon put her out again, he spoke quietly.

"I was hoping that would make it easier for you to forget about him. He's definately forgotten about you, after all." He grinned. "But hey; you'll always have this." He dropped the necklace on the table a foot away from the dirty bed.

Leah turned her head back again and faded eyes, red-rimmed and one bruised, took in the sight of the jewel. How fucking pathetic. It still shone brightly against the dingy backdrop of the room even though the gold chain was torn and the heart was covered in specks of dirt and grime. It shone despite the fact that he had lied to her. Sam had given her his heart; and it was nothing but a total fucking lie.

Too bad she'd already locked her's away inside the necklace too.

As tears cascaded down her scratched cheeks and she sobbed like never before Leah remembered wishing to hell and back it had been Sam who was above her thrusting and that it would be over soon so she could go back to him. Go back and just be herself again; go back, so he could _take_ her back.

See?.... She was so, goddamn pathetic, heartbroken, that no matter how much she knew Sam's love had been a lie she still loved him so much that it made up for it. If she were to live through this, she would go back and be whatever Sam wanted her to be.

Leah had never hated herself more than she did at that moment.

She'd never felt more disgusted, more helpless, as she felt Karl's hand creeping up her scratched up thigh.


	12. It's All Crashing Down

Midnight the night before, the official arrival of the week-mark passing, that Leah had still been gone. Now it was entering a week and a day.

More phone lines were down now than before; the rain had turned to snow and the lightning turned to hail. La Push seemed to be freezing over with depression, worry and cold, hard, ice. Hope continued to be buried under the falling white.

Police were regular fixtures in La Push, at least on the days and nights where the roads were even _remotely_ hospitable to drive on. Search parties patrolled that into the woods came back without so much as a hair to show for their efforts. Charlie was the head of all these parties of course, and Sue had so much faith in the poor man just to see it prove useless hour after hour.

Even Seth could see that Charlie was worried; he was a little surprised. In all honesty Seth had known that Charlie didn't like Leah that much either. There were only so many back-turned glares and curses that a person could pretend to ignore. Not only that, but when Leah could avoid being around him she did so he didn't get much face time with her either. Seth was _okay_ with Charlie; he wasn't about to hop in his cruiser and go for a ride with him anytime soon but he didn't look for excuses to undermine him as part of the family, like his sister did. But he also could've guessed that Charlie's worry could amount up to ' _I hope Sue doesn't keep seeing me be a failure. I need to find Leah just so she knows I'm good for something._ '

Sometimes Seth wondered why the man even tried; he knew his 'son in law' and all his friends were wolves, just like Jacob and they were out there beating feet night and day when they got a chance (which was rarely, maybe once every two days now) to find her. Really, what luck did humans have over a pack of gigantic wolves?..

It was depressing. It was actually heartbreaking. And then days progressed even more, and a week and a half mark had shown up.

It brought with it a shred of good news; but before that, Seth's meltdown.

"Seth, you ready?" Quil asked, pulling his shirt off and shivering at the thought of going out into that weather again. They were at the Clearwater household;... It seemed to be the pack's new home. (It seemed like the little brother wasn't the only one perpetually terrified of forgetting she existed.)

Seth was seated in his favorite chair, elbows on his knees and his head was down. He looked so damn tired.

"No, I'm not goin'.." He drawled out. Jaws practically hit the floor and it wasn't long before Jake, Sam and Paul stepped into his space.

"What d'yah mean you're not goin' Seth!? We're never gonna find her if-" Seth jumped up so fast out of his silent reverie that Jacob stumbled back out of shock.

"We're _not_ gonna find her you dumb fuck! We've searched the entire area around La Push and we've got _nothing_ to show for it! We fucking failed! She's gone! Leah's gone for good and there's nothing we can do about it so we should just give up now while we're ahead and put this whole stupid mess behind us!" He was screaming, he was spouting off and a glass fell out of Sue's hands in the kitchen and shattered on the floor. Seth was crying now so hard and it was the first time they'd actually seen it, since she went missing.

And now here was the person who loved Leah the most in the world saying he wanted to give up.

"The storm's too goddamn bad anyway Jake I mean are you fucking _insane_!? She's dead, she's probably been dead now for days and I'm sick and fucking tired of wasting my time looking for her! She never wanted to be here and it looks like she got her goddamn wish didn't it??" Eyes narrowed into slits in the room but he just kept on going.. "But then again it looks like I got no right to talk, doesn't it?? Because fuck knows we never wanted her around that much either! I know for a fact Paul you wanted to kill her yourself and Embry you were gettin' ready to punch her in the face. And Sam you're the worst one you know that!? You just wanted her out of the way, the whole time-"

A fist connected with Seth's jaw and the boy collided with the wall behind him.

Breaths hitched in the room as Seth turned around slowly, tears still falling as he looked at his Alpha. He was breathing ragged and eyes black and angry as Sam stepped over to him again and beat off Jake and Jared's hands from pulling him back. Briefly they heard Charlie and Sue yelling but it was background noise in the scary situation. Sam grabbed Seth by the shoulders and shook the boy so hard he practically came off the ground.

"You fucking listen to me! We all know we're at fucking fault but you're being the worst Seth! She is _not_ dead, I fucking know it!" Sam spat, saliva and anger practically pulsing from him as he rocked the young boy like he was nothing. "And it might look unconvincing now Seth I know but she's your goddamn sister and deep down you know she'd never leave you if she didn't have to! You know you'd feel it if she was dead!.. You'd feel it like I would..." Eyes were wide, Sam was screaming, Seth's jaw was turning an ugly red. "You can't give up." Sam's voice dropped a decibel. Seth took the opportunity to push at his Alpha's hands, hissing and cursing all his own but Sam only grit his teeth and pulled the boy by the shirt into his chest and he wrapped his arms around him, and Seth just cried harder. Seth stayed in Sam's hot embrace and cried and screamed harder.

Sue was bawling in the kitchen and Charlie was looking away like the pain from this family burned him.

Paul stepped back a step, shaken, like everything else in their fucked up world so much that his foot collided with the couch and he fell down to sitting. Quil had to turn away from the two and he leant against the wall, hiding his bloodshot eyes.

(What had they become..?)

Sam held that boy and he remembered when he planned to marry Leah and Seth would be a part of his family for real, by blood. He remembered how Seth had always looked up to his sister and to him and to Jake and he followed them religiously. He knew, even now, how Seth could hold optimism like no one else.

And this was just another step closer to the breaking point of Sam's resolve.

These men, some of them just a step above _children_ , were his pack; his family and he could do nothing but watch as each of them broke apart like sandstone. Sam could only listen to their cries and their pleas, because inside he felt he was crying harder than any of them and he knew _she_ was the only way to fix it. Leah, who was most broken of all and yeah probably dead... She was the only one who could piece them back together again now.

Fuck it, Sam was going to make it happen. And no; Leah was _not_ dead ('don't reach for the gun Sammy'); he would not let himself feel that way, not like Seth who had officially taken too much pain too quickly for a heart to stay strong. Sam knew he couldn't feel that way because some divine essence made him believe that if Leah died a larger part of himself would die too, and he would damn well know it when it happened.

Sam wasn't naive; he knew something was _wrong,_ he knew something was royalled fucked up in a way that should never be possible but he just didn't know _what_ exactly. But he was gonna find out. Goddamn King-of-La Push Sam Uley was _not_ gonna let everything he'd fought so hard to keep crumble down into nothing.

Sam should've fought harder, right from the beginning he knew that. Should've fought the need to hold Emily in his arms and kiss her, should've fought to keep his desire for his girlfriend. But he couldn't and in that, Sam felt he'd started the destruction of the Clearwater family as a whole when they had done nothing more than hold his pathetic ass up when he had no father to rely on.

So he would fight for them now. Because he loved them. He loved them because they were his _family_ whether by genetics or not, and because if there was anything strong about Sam Uley it was his love.

Fuck. How long had he been ranting in his own head, probing the scene until it fell apart? Sam didn't know. But a sudden clicking and a sudden change in the backdrop of the tense room caused Seth to pull away from Sam's chest and for Sam to follow with his eyes eagerly.

The tv. The television was back on. (now that they listened, listened hard for something _abnormal,_ they could notice that the wind had dropped out.)

_'-Back on the air in the Washington State area. It seems as if things are going to get a lot worse before they get better as we take a look at various footage captured around the La Push-Forks area of Washington this week, we can see many places where the environment is definitely taking a hit because of the storm. The cliffs of the beaches upwind on the La Push coast have shown considerable wear at the rising sea levels, pieces having broken off and fallen to the submerged beaches below. Any creeks or rivers near oceanic bodies of water have flooded as well, such as the Watoga creek near the border of BC.'_

"Holy shit..." Embry muttered, taking in the videos and images of the creeks' water levels rising and the cliffs they'd dived from before collapsing into the raging sea. It was almost scary, like the world as they knew it was falling apart.

And La Push would get lost in the aftermath.

Then the reporter started talking again.

_'But thankfully, and finally as I'm sure some of you are thinking, a break in the storm is to be expected beginning tomorrow, February 26th and is expected to continue through to February 29th, give or take a day or two. If there's anything you have to accomplish folks, I suggest you prepare for tomorrow.'_

Jacob shut the television off.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." Sam nodded, "Tomorrow, at dawn we're takin' off and we're gonna search these woods from top to bottom. We're headin' North too, up past the Canadian border. It's strange lands but it'd never hurt to look. Be ready for dawn tomorrow; not a minute after. And don't mention anything to the council." With that Sam turned his head towards Sue who looked about to speak. "I'm honestly past their jurisdictions and I don't give a fuck what they think. Not to make me sound like a prick, but _I'm_ running things now and I'd like to see them try and stop me."

Paul let loose a whistle.

Sam just turned to face his fellow pack members. He could see as well; their faces had brightened just a little; just enough to make them seem living as his eyes cast over their tired frames. "Get some sleep guys. Big day tomorrow." Even Seth looked a little brighter. (Hey; a break in this goddamn storm would make anyone happy.) As Sam passed him by, he held his hand on the boy's shoulder for a minute until Seth nodded at him.

Then Sam continued on his way upstairs, cell phone ringing Emily's concern for him. He didn't answer.

\---------

He looked around at the light purple walls, prayed to know why he had to come in here. Her bed, the heaters, the desks and the tv; it was dusty. It chilled him to the bone.

Shutting the door behind him, Sam stepped into Leah's room and was blasted with memories like a camera flash.

That bed. They'd made love so many times on that bed. That window. He'd snuck in that window, and snuck her out, so, so many times. Her closet.. He remembered when she'd let him have commentary about what she should wear; he always picked blue and black. Leah looked best in her favorite colors. That guitar... Why did Sam remember that guitar?

..Her father. The guitar had been Harry's. Sam walked hesitantly over and lifted the black and blue instrument from it's position on it's stand, felt his fingers involuntarily strum across the strings to make one loose chord, and then had the overwhelming urge to put it down.

Like it wasn't his to touch; like it was something private, something magic that shouldn't be messed around with. As he held the neck of the guitar gently, sitting it's gleaming body back into the stand, he pondered over whether Leah had played it. Whether she knew how.

(He wouldn't know if she could, would he? He hadn't made the time to be around enough for that.)

His eyes drifted away and fell again on her stereo. Never, had he walked into the Clearwater house and heard that thing silent. It was like it was screaming now though, so loud and empty that it was deafening. Screaming just to be touched. He took a deep breath (why was he so nervous?) and pushed play, immediately turning down the volume to three or four so he didn't startle anyone down below, perhaps trying to sleep.

_She never slows down. She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, Feels like it's all coming down._

_She won't turn around; The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, The tears will not stop raining down._

Leave it to Leah to have the weirdest, most overly emotional music on her playlist ever. But still; this was new. New style, a singer he hadn't heard before. Sam found his dark brown eyes roaming over her CD holder. The dark orbs took in all the titles. It was sad how he knew almost every song on every album because she would replay them over and over; listen to the same oldies music day in and day out. Every artist, every album. 'Blue Oyster Cult; Fire Of Unknown Origin. Lynyrd Skynyrd; Gold And Platinum. Kansas; Leftoverture.'

_So Stand In The Rain; Stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain; You won't drown. And one day what's lost can be found. You Stand In The Rain._

'Queensryche; Empire. Nazareth; Hair Of The Dog. REO Speedwagon; Hi Infidelity.'

Jesus, he'd known her so well.

_She won't make a sound; Alone in this fight with herself and her fears, whispering, If she stands, she'll fall down._

_She wants to be found; The only way out is through everything she's, running from; Wants to give up, and lie down._

Well he'd thought he'd known her so well. Even a year after they'd broken up, with her being so bitter and evil; Sam would never bring himself to forget the exact location of every mole, every freckle; he would know exactly what mood she was in just because she wore gym pants, shorts or jeans; he could tell when she was happy (she never was) because if she was perfectly content or joyous she wouldn't feel the need to drag that iPod with her everywhere.

So how come, now, when he was in her room all he could see were things he'd forgotten? Things he'd subconsciously pushed from his mind? On her nightstand there was always a picture of him and her. Yes! ..It had been gone now, since they'd broken up; since the last time he was in her room, sometime last year.

His observant eyes weaved over her bedspread; the royal blue had a black smudge down at the end. ' _She was painting her nails that day... I came to her house to see if I could go to the funeral with her and she was painting them black to get ready. Knocked on her window and scared the shit out of her, damn polish went everywhere..'_

_So Stand In The Rain; Stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. Stand through the pain; You won't drown. And one day what's lost can be found._

_So Stand In The Rain; stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. Stand through the pain; you won't drown. And one day what's lost can be found._

Sam let the music play through; sat down on the floor, his back against her bed and stared at nothing in the empty room. Empty, because she hadn't been here. It wasn't filled with her spirit; her scent, her anything!.. It was just a room. Just a room in a house with a family. A family missing something.

How long had it been this way..?

_So Stand In The Rain; Stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain; You won't drown. And one day what's lost can be found. You Stand In The Rain._

Sam stayed in her room that night; he didn't sleep. They let him be, let him rest, uninterrupted.


	13. I Know You By Heart

It was five AM. And as predicted by the weatherman, the clouds had lifted from the small village of La Push and allowed the community to breathe again; anything, other than that musty, frosty smell of ice and rain.

Sam was in the same place where he'd been all night. Sitting with his back against his ex-girlfriend's bed, listening to her stereo. He'd switched up CDs a few times during the long night (he'd been there since around nine PM) and finally opted for one that had no writing; no cover art. Just a plain CD in a plain case on the desk next to her closed and locked-shut laptop.

You could say he was surprised when he popped the disc in and her voice surrounded him in the lonely room, the lovely edge and melody of Leah in a way Sam had never heard before.

At first he was surprised; devastated that he hadn't known this demure, beautiful little fact about the girl he loved so much. It wasn't like it wasn't her because honestly, Sam could never lose her voice. It had appeared in his head too many times these last few months for him to ever lose track of it's vibrations, it's tone and the way syllables sounded whether Leah was screaming, cursing or whispering.

It was definitely her.

The song playing, it's singer, it was her. Sam could only guess she was the composer as well; he could tell because only Leah could be so artistically deep with her emotions compared to when face to face, shallow as a kiddie pool. It was always one extreme or another with Leah; she was never normal.

He loved it.

Something else weighed on Sam's mind, though. Not just the perfect angelic voice radiating from the speakers in the deserted room.

It was his fellow Alpha, Jacob Black.

He was hiding something; Sam knew it. Sam knew it from days before, the night Leah disappeared because as soon as she stepped into his house Jake and Leah's eyes met and then she shied away like she was embarassed; ashamed or something like it. And when they went to the Cullens' place two days before, Edward had hauled Jake off to the side for a moment in what he purposed was _'Renesmee Business'_ when it looked like nothing of the sort.

Sam _would_ find out what he was hiding. But in the meantime of course, he would wait. Sam sat there in the empty room (wished like fuck she was _there_ ) and awaited dawn like a puppy watching a treat after performing some sort of sick trick.

When six AM rolled around the rest of his boys would wake up and they'd be out the door, into the rising sun. Today, and perhaps tomorrow and the next day, till _whenever_ the storm decided to subside, were their only chances most likely at finding their missing comrade.

Leah Clearwater had been missing now for far too long. And if he let it go another few days even Sam was going to die. Literally. He'd never felt this pain before... It was like having a surgeon reach into an open wound and yank out an organ without any anesthetic. It was a slow, burning pull, a stretch that seemed to tear his sanity away from any bounds it had once known.

It was like the pain was pushing him, carrying him away from what Sam supposedly should've 'needest most' at this difficult time.

(By that of course Old Quil had meant Emily.)

Sam knew as soon as he'd thought the words 'fuck Emily' he should've felt guilty as hell. Knowing he was being an actual asshole, a horrible person of non-existant merit by thinking that about the mother of his unborn child, was actually painful in itself. Sam thought back to the dream he'd had the night Leah phased for the first time; the night she found out he'd cheated on her for days before breaking up with her, the night her father died..

The dream about the chasm forming in this very bedroom, Leah on one end and Emily on the other and everything nature had in it's power being used against him to tug him over to Emily's side.

That was what the pain felt like.

There were two different kinds, it seemed; one was an actual physical burning that gnawed away at his insides; the other was an emotional ache that pounded against his skull and heart like a demon inside wanting to escape. He thought that one was worse. (Because Sam had been in some serious pain before and the burning he felt now was nothing he couldn't handle.)

This pain, that spread from his heart and into his veins like a toxin in his dirty blood was destroying him, he felt it day after day that Leah'd been missing. And that was exactly where this pain pointed; it seemed as if in his dream, if he could experience it again, this pain would be pulling him towards his missing ex-lover instead of the girl he thought he loved now.

And that was where the physical pain chimed in again; when he thought about things like that, about how he was reconsidering how he felt about Emily the pain kicked up another notch. Sometimes it made his stomach heave; other times it felt like someone was strangling him and the hands had sharp fingernails to boot.

Everything was at war inside of him; and he still couldn't tell which side was winning. When Emily had told him about his baby, he felt so excited-

His goddamn cell was ringing and it actually made him jump a little as he leant forward to press pause on the stereo. Groaning, knowing it was her he answered.

"Hey Em."

"Sam where the hell have you been!?" (Hah; hell. Emily never _could_ curse)

"I'm sorry babe.. I've been busy."

"Oh, you've been busy." Sarcasm was heavy, dripping from her bitter words. Then, it sort of just.. Disappeared. "Sam, I know she's still missing and I know you're worried; but baby, I've had important news to tell you for a whole day now and you've just kept ignoring me-"

"What news?" He cut her off. (He wasn't that interested; he wanted to get the hell off the phone.)

"Uh... Babe, I'm sorry." Uh oh... This couldn't be good. Sam felt a pang of worry; Sam felt the emotional pain intensify.

"Emily, what's wrong..?" He asked hesitantly.

"I took a test yesterday, Sam. It was negative. I'm not pregnant."

Emotional pain just plummeted to zero and Sam _hated_ himself because all of a sudden he was happy he didn't have that commitment with her anymore. What the _fuck_.

"Oh yeah?.." He said, voice quiet in the still morning air. With the music off, and the storm outside at a halt, it was too quiet. It bothered him a bit.

"..Well, I thought you'd be a little more upset than that.." Her voice sounded hurt almost; Sam knew Emily too well from two years of loving her to not know when she was paining.

He had to cover his tracks.

"I'm sorry Em. I'm upset, I really am baby but it's so early, and I haven't slept all night. All week, I should say.." He found himself rubbing his hand down over his face and he could practically feel the crease between his eyes that had taken up permanent residence there.

"Ohh.. I guess... Are you coming home today..? I haven't seen you since early yesterday.." 'You only saw me then because Sue ran out of food.'

"I dunno hun, I don't think so. The others are gettin' up now in a minute and since the rain and snow slacked off we're going looking again. We're gonna be gone overnight probably, we're gonna keep looking till we _have_ to come back inside."

Swear to god he heard Emily huff for the first time ever.

"Sam... Don't you think it might be pointless..?"

"Don't say that. I'm busy. I've gotta go. Bye, Emily."

He hung up on her, just like that. And had to clench his jaw as a bolt of agony shot across his chest and straight into his heart. It felt like his love for Emily, his very binding to her was fraying at the edges and unravelling, just like all their lives had been these last few months.

And now he knew he wasn't going to be a father; did he really have a reason to stick around?

The pain that time was so profound as he thought about leaving her (with those _scars_ ) that he audibly let out a groan, and pushed play on the stereo just in time to stifle it.

Pain. It was a fickle thing, wasn't it?

_I could go back, to every laugh; But I don't wanna go there anymore And I, know all the steps, up to your door; But I don't wanna go there anymore._

He just needed to be alone with her voice. Alone with the guitar melody that suddenly gave Harry's instrument in her room meaning. The pain he felt in his heart, the throbbing uncertainty of the path his life would take from here ached even more.

_Talk to the wind, talk to the sky Talk to the man with the reasons why.. And let me know whatcha find;.._

_I'll leave my window open; 'Cause I'm too tired at night to call your name. Just know I'm right here hopin', That you'll Come In With The Rain._

What was happening to him..? These last few months, what had changed? Why was it getting stronger?

'..Why aren't I complaining?'

_I could stand up; and sing you a song. But I don't wanna have to go that far and I; I've got you down; I know you by heart. And you don't even know where I start._

It was true, wasn't it?... They'd lost everything they possibly had to regain with Leah after hurting her and they were only seeing it now because she was gone.

"You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.." He whispered as the still morning sunlight, for the first time in days, poked in through the window.

_Talk to yourself, talk to the tears, Talk to the man who put you here; And don't wait for the sky to clear._

_I'll leave my window open; 'Cause I'm too tired at night to call your name. Oh, just know I'm right here hopin' That you'll Come In With The Rain._

With a grunt, Sam stood up. He wondered how many other of her songs, stashed away in her secret heart were about him. 'I hope all of them are.'

_I've watched you so long, Screamed your name; I don't know what else I can say..._

_But I'll leave my window open; 'Cause I'm too tired at night for all of these games. Just know I'm right here hopin'; That you'll Come In With The Rain._

_I could go back; to every laugh. But I don't wanna go there anymore.._

He shut off her stereo. He turned to the bed, growled in his throat and swept the dust off the sheets.

Sam walked out of the room, banging on every door in the hall as he walked.

"Get up! It's time to go!"

He would hear her voice, so much sooner and not from a CD. She would sing for him; he was going to make sure of that.

 


	14. Live And Let Die

The frosty morning air bit at them (despite the wolves' constant temperature of a hundred and nine degrees) and the overcast sky that countered occasional rays of sunlight replaced the feeling of eagerness within the pack with subtle hopelessness.

With granted permission from Sam and Jacob, the Cullens stood waiting at the bottom of the pass that lead by the forest. Sam nodded to them gratefully; Jacob hugged Renesmee goodbye and kissed her cheek before Charlie gave her a ride home. She was experienced, yes; but she was still technically a child. Bella stayed behind. She thought Leah was beautiful and shit but overall carried a general dislike of the her. Esme stayed home as well.

And after all, no one knew just what they would see, or find out there, that could scar a person for life. (If they found anything at all.)

Not many words were exchanged between the two cooperating legions; but then again, they weren't talkative to one another either who each side was so familiar with.

Edward didn't want to talk himself; he was too busy digging through the deepest thoughts and the innermost feelings of the pack and his brothers and sisters around them. Jasper was on edge; walking on eggshells around the pack members and trying desperately to cheer them up.

Once again, nothing was working. Their emotions were so overpowering, so devastating that it made Jasper's record list and he swore they were searing him from the inside out, creating more scars that invisibly marred his body.

"..I want to go farther today."

"Of course. We haven't looked to the extent that we should. I suggest going as near and over the Canadian border as we can without tramping on that other mutt's pack's territory." Rosalie spoke. Her harsh words, sincerely soft. Jake found himself smiling weakly at blondie's attempt at passion and sympathy.

_'A for effort.'_

"I'm going to be paying special attention." Edward murmured, turning his back to the pack (his _friends_ ) and family and staring into the cold browns and grees of the ruined forest. "If she's anywhere near, I'll pick up on her thoughts. Leah is too open inside of her own mind; she's interested me a great deal and I've learned to pinpoint her mentality quite well."

"Thanks Edward..." Seth's voice was still so, so sad. He was upset with himself, Edward knew as Leah's little brother replayed the scene with Sam the night before and remembered his want to forget his big sister; just wanting the worry and the heartache to go away. "You don't know how much this means-"

"It's absolutely fine, Seth. For such amazing friends this is the very least myself and my family can do for you. Leah was special to us as well." Eyes cast downward at the second mention of her name that day and the way some of them took a moment to place her face was like a smack upside the head; another nail in Leah's coffin.

It was painstakingly brutal.

But it was nothing compared to the La Push pack's thoughts.

"Then on we go." Sam snarled. He was the first to phase; his friends followed and together, wolves and vampires alike raced into the dark unknown of the trees and beyond.

\---------

They searched like fuck that day. Over hills and over mountains, through rivers and fog, under bridges and cliffs, in caves and tunnels.

What did they have to show for it?

Nothing. Notta. Zilch. Zip. Jack squat.

And by god was it taking a toll.

They were about at the hundred and fifteen mile mark (running for _hours_ on end, stopping only to check various suspicious locations), when Embry collapsed.

The poor dark grey wolf attempted to scale a rather large-looking boulder to catch up with the others. He'd been the last in line that day, running and searching. His eyes were red and sore from dirt being kicked up from others' paws; ears bug-bitten and fur just completely soaked through.

But then again, that seemed to describe all the wolves at particular moments.

When Embry took his fall, his condition hadn't seemed that bad at all; not to the naked eye. But then again not to the mind either (Edward had been running regular wire taps), because not even the mind-raping Cullen was able to sense Embry's impending dehydration.

The boy fell on aching legs, bleeding paws. It was only then that the pack give way to rest, for the sake of one of their own (they would all die before they lost another). Carlisle was quick to act, having luckily decided to bring multiple jugs of water ('Load 'em up onto Emmett, mighty muscles, mighty pack mule.'), and cure Embry and the others of their thirst for the next long while. Despite having trekked through rivers, streams and creeks big and small, no one had dared stop looking to take a drink.

Sacrifices they would make for one another became increasingly apparent. Sam and Seth had seemed more eager to continue on with the journey then most, but of course, the hollow throbbing of an empty stomach and a parched throat slowly did them in as well (Sam would always deny it was Embry's tired, defeated eyes).

So that night, as Carlisle fixed up what he could on the wolves like minor scrapes and scratches the harsh journey had gifted them (Paul got smacked in the snout by a broken branch as Jake pushed through a grove), everyone sat and slept in a circle by the small fire Alice had made herself so useful to create.

And there, being altogether and staring into that flickering, dancing flame, the unit they'd become had never felt so alone.

\---------

The next morning as the wolves awoke and the Cullens strayed back into tandem territory (they had to eat too), their hopes had once again plummeted to an overbearing degree of misery.

Seth had been the longest to rise from his sleeping position; his hazel eyes locked on the simmering coals as the moisture in the air depleted the flame. He thought of his sister who'd seemingly disappeared.

Edward listened.

_'I wonder, do you still even sleep under the same sky, Leah..?'_

It was heart breaking, made him feel a depressing tingle in his spine he could've sworn he hadn't felt since the nineteen hundreds. Seth's worst fear as it seemed was slowly seeming more and more true by the hour; his sister was gone, fading from this world like a black hole had swallowed her up; like she was never to be seen again. Only forgotten.

Wincing at it, the golden copper-haired vampire let his mind wander to the other members of the awakening tribe.

_'I'd give everything, Leah. I'd give you anything, I'd do anything for you to make it better. If only you'd come home.. Fuck, I miss you so much.. I'm so sorry.'_

The warmest, saddest thoughts Paul had ever expressed in Edward's presence. Not even to Rachel had Edward heard such sentiments poor from Paul's mind. Quil's thoughts were a little more routine panic; a little more common disbelief and denial.

_'You can't be dead. You stupid, hair-brained bitch.. You can't be gone. Please.. You running away, I can deal with; you hating me and hatin' the rest of us with all the passion you've got left somewhere deep down inside you I can take. But not you gone forever. I can't do it. I won't.'_

Edward could guess the others felt the same; might've even heard similar lines breeze across their minds once or twice. But he could only imagine what the real and true final news might be.

And what it would do to the men who'd helped his family so much.

Edward found those frightening thoughts in the mind of Jacob Black this time; the same mind where he'd seen a forbidden kiss take place and a fiery temper flare right back at him. Edward's lips crooked up at the memory (tried to forget the fact that it wasn't his daughter being kissed by her imprint). But that memory that Jake had been so fond of now seemed like a distant dream as Edward saw Jacob's thoughts now like a movie on a big screen.

The first-turned Cullen saw Leah's bloody battered body in a ravine; left for someone to find. Leah's hair, strands left strewn in fields and in the creaks and crannys of rocks with her blood. The only things left of her. A dying girl, with no one. A dead girl, with no one.

The last two made Edward turn his head in Jake's direction and saw the pain shape the powerful Alpha's eyes and lips as he curled them over his teeth; fought back the wean he wanted so desperately to release but knew he couldn't around his pack.

Jared's thoughts seemed too carefully blank for Edward to read but Edward could tell from the strife in the Beta wolf's charcoal eyes alone that he was fighting those dementing words and images with every fibre of his being just to keep the little hope he had left.

This was war; of the most brutal, scarring kind.

But Sam's thoughts were the worst; at the same time, the most intriguing and least upsetting (to a degree).

_'I remember when you were two, and I was five. My dad was still around then, always hanging out with Harry. Harry let me hold you, and I knew you were special. Hah; ..I didn't even know what love was back then.'_

Memories great and small, the littlest obsesses that Sam couldn't bear to let himself forget engulfed Edward's mind.

_'When we started dating, like, we were the youngest couple they'd ever seen act so totally in love and they said it was all useless; like it was 'puppy love'.. Like our feelings weren't real and I remember gettin' so damn angry...'_

_'I'm going to find you. I'm going to bring you home, where you belong. You've never deserved any of this. You're so beautiful; ...How could I let this happen?..'_

Edward cringed; was it possible to have a tear-choked voice inside of your own head..? He looked at Sam, the black Alpha sitting tall on the very rock Embry fell from the night before with his back turned to everyone down below.

Wolves couldn't cry. (Perhaps that was why he'd phased first.)

A moment later Sam turned back around. Everyone else finally got to their feet, had their fill of breakfast and water and flexed sore, injured muscles and limbs.

_'I want to go.'_

Edward nodded, looked at his fellow vampires. "He says it's time."

The wolves had already started off, and the Cullens followed.

Day number two, here they come.

\---------

How could this possibly be..? The second day, out in territory unknown and so far from home, with still no sign of Leah.

No thoughts; no sound; nothing.

Late night of the second day saw the Cullens returning home; the pack arriving scorned and hopeless back in La Push.

Sam walked up the steps to his own house, naked in all his glory and told his boys to wait for him at the front. He was back in minutes, with clothing. Emily stood in the door, arms crossed with a worried, yet angered expression on her ruined face.

"Sam! Please! You need to come home..!"

He never answered her; walked ahead and went back to Sue's like everyone else. Emily slammed the door.

The pain in Sam's chest made him want to scream.

\---------

"I have an idea." Quil picked up the phone. Sam, Seth and Jake looked over at him.

\---------

Early the next morning, sun rays surprisingly bright in the ominous sky was the backdrop for knocking on the Clearwater house door.

Jake pulled it open.

Janice's heart did a double-skip of a beat.

The boy's muscles were rapidly detereorating; he looked like he hadn't eaten in days. His eyes were lazy and tired-looking like someone cramming for seven final exams in one night and he just looked... So _done._ Worn out; like he belonged in the ground instead of above it.

"The nature of your call seemed to say come as quick as possible; so here we are." Karl said as he stepped inside the dimly lighted house. Jake nodded.

"Thanks."

The rest of his pack followed him in; Sam's head perked up as soon as they stepped into the living room.

"You haven't seen her? Not a trace, a scent, nothing?" He asked, rather rushed. Janice's fist clenched in her pocket around an item.

"No. I'm so sorry for your loss." Karl said. His eyes showed no real train of thought; no sympathy. Empty words that took a lot of effort to sound believable, Sam knew.

He looked away from them.

"How long has she been missing?" Brandon asked, eyes trailing around the room and taking in the broken appearances of the other Quileute pack members. _'This part must suck, I guess...'_ He thought.

"A week and a half; almost two." Seth croaked out, burying his face in his hands and trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes (He hadn't slept since they returned last night).

"Where was she last, before she went missing?" Karl asked, crossing his arms. He too was casting eyes over the men in front of him, some of them boys; how old was the girl? "How old was she? Did she have anything with her?"

Sam looked over at him. "Why would that matter..?"

Karl shrugged. "I'm just tryin' to be thorough here, we wanna help find Leah." Sam sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry for sounding so brash, it's just-"

"I know. I don't blame you. You two.. It seemed like there was something between you; yah know, when we met two weeks ago at your elder's place." The Cree pack Alpha said. Karl fought the urge to crook up his lips in a sneer. _'Let's not forget it was written on the inside of your little lady's necklace.'_

Sam's dark eyes hit the floor.

"There was, a long time ago. Not anymore, though." Seth muttered, sending a regretful glance in Sam's direction. Karl nodded staley.

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

His pack members behind him looked uneasy; Jake twisted around just so, sending demure glances over their postures and their positions. Janice seemed jittery; like the chick couldn't stand still. Brandon was as composed as his Alpha, like he didn't care about their missing sister at all. But the other guys, Nathan and Keith, they were sort of just lingering; like they wished they were somewhere else.

Jake snarled inside.

_'So sorry we're taking up so much of your precious time.'_

Most of the other pack members stayed silent; Sam and Karl mostly conversed, one-answer sentences being the most help Karl gave; Sam's questions got more and more tedious like he _needed_ a good answer, anything that would help... ('Where do you live? How far across the border?' 'About four hundred miles 'er so.' 'Can you look around for us? Keep an eye out for her?' 'Sure thing.')

Janice bit her lip. She couldn't stay there; couldn't listen to her Alpha spin such unruly lies. He'd done bad things, Karl... But nothing so bad as that. Fuck that goddamn book and the trouble it lead to-

"May I use your restroom please?" Her high voice came out shaky; she mentally cursed. Seth looked up at her and all but nodded, like his head was almost too heavy to bear on his thinning shoulders.

"Down the hall, up the stairs. Second door on the left."

Janice nodded and did as she was told; headed down the hallway.

When she rounded the corner to come near the stairs, the ache in her heart just ratcheted up another notch as she saw the pictures lining the walls; pictures of the family, pictures of her.

Her gait slowed down dramatically, and she found herself stopping momentarily by every frame. One was Leah and her brother; they looked pretty young. Maybe eight and nine? They were sitting side by side, small smiles on their faces on the front porch. Leah in shorts and a small cardigan, long hair grasped by the wind and Seth was in a Fox Racing tee and a pair of camo shorts. They looked adorable.

But when Janice looked all she saw was Leah now; bloody, battered and half dead, lying in that disgusting bed with no dignity left and most likely no hope she'd ever see her brother again either; her life from now on. At least until spring. Then Janice saw Seth as he was now; weary of everything and everyone, like the life had been sucked out of his healthy body and replaced with dark, gloomy smoke. Ruining him.

As she stepped over to the next picture and took it in, she realized just how much damage she and the other members of her pack were doing to this family. In that photo, was a couple older than Leah and Seth. Their parents, perhaps..? A man with kind eyes and a guitar, a woman with a pretty smile and sparkling eyes. Janice could see Seth in the man; could've maybe saw the woman in Leah, had she ever seen Leah smile perhaps. Ever seen even an inkling of the sparkle she knew _could_ be in the girl's eyes.

Gritting her teeth she moved to the next picture on the wall and came face to face with the pack. This picture was dusty; shadowed, like the same care hadn't gone into keeping it clean as the other pictures had. It was all the boys, standing on what she assumed to be the back yard lawn with smiles on their faces. Jake and Embry had arms around eachother's shoulders and huge grins on their faces. Paul was kneeling down and wearing his best hot smirk by the duo's feet. In the middle Sam stood, tall and proud. Every bit the Alpha he was when they'd first met him and at his side was Leah. She didn't look happy; not at all, actually. She stood with her back to Sam, side on to the camera. Her arms were crossed. She didn't smile. But she was so, so pretty. Seth was kneeling just a little at her side, flashing a peace sign in a move that would seem so foreign to the Seth of today. Jared was the second last one, and he was just leaning into the picture casually, all big happy grins with Quil as the last, arms linked around shoulders again.

Janice blinked and looked down, before raising a hesitant finger and swiping it over the picture; right across the couple in the middle, leaving the clearness of dust gone behind.

Her teeth started to hurt and she shook her head; Janice needed to get out of there. So she sidestepped the rest of the pictures and went straight up the stairs and into the bathroom.

When she flushed and reemerged a minute later, Janice found herself opening the door only to stare right into an empty, dingy room.

She couldn't stop herself.

Walking into the miserable atmosphere, she stared around the room in hopes of learning more about the girl who would become such a permanent fixture in her pack soon. Purple walls made grey by a window with the blinds drawn; CDs and music posters covered most of the space.

The carpet was soft, but cold beneath her feet since the heaters weren't on (why would they be on when there was no one to warm?), and stepped further into Leah's personal space. Her eyes fell on the guitar standing in the corner and recognized it as the one from the picture of her parents. Had he passed on..?

Janice didn't know. Running a hand through her messy hair she gulped. It was like hell, being in there and feeling that guilt burn her insides on the way up, threatening to burst and reveal everything that had happened just to save her own sorry ass.

But she couldn't, could she? Keith would be ashamed by her and she'd hurt his standing in Karl's pack. It was everything to him.

Feeling her heart break a little more Janice's eyes fnally landed on the bed. Dust had gathered, ruining the look of the blue bedspread and she winced. Once again she felt her hand slip into her pocket.

"Janice! It's time to go!" She turned quickly and not-so-quietly on her heel.

\---------

Jake blinked as the ceiling creaked, directly over the couch where he sat.

'Why is she in Leah's room..?'

\---------

Janice cursed mentally and looked back to the bed; she took the ornament out of her pocket, felt her heart nearly burst as she did it and dropped the piece on Leah's cold pillow.

Then she was out of the room and down the stairs, joining her pack in the porch as they bid their goodbyes.

"If we see or hear any word of her, we'll definitely call you." Karl shook Sam's hand. Then the cruel man and his friends walked out of the Clearwater home, phased, and disappeared up the street.

Another useless attempt.

Hours passed, the Quileute boys running over information and answers the Cree pack had given them, hoping to find something, _anything_ to go on.

They all came up empty.

It was time for bed that night when Jake crept silently into his ex-Beta's room. Looking around he felt the same emptiness everyone else had; loss, destruction, and misery.

 _'If Leah were here right now, she'd be kickin' my ass just for starin' at all her stuff.'_ Jake walked to her dresser, found his fingers listlessly running over the tops of perfume bottles and hair clips; the smudges on her dusty mirror and took note of his own pitiful reflection.

He grimaced. He hated what he'd become. They all had. But this hate had come too late; if only they'd smartened up before, before Paul had the balls to go that far and maybe she'd still be here..!

He clenched his fist and turned away from the mirror quickly to escape his own image. His eyes landed on the bed; on Leah's pillow.

Something clicked inside Jacob's head and his eyes widened. He dashed the four steps to the bed and picked the dirty blue heart necklace up in his large hand. Jake's heart skipped a beat.

_Fuck._

He gripped the necklace hard, turned, and ran downstairs.

"SAM!" He called out, "SETH! GUYS GET UP!"

Doors opened fastly and many pairs of feet scrambled to join Jake in the living room. Upon arriving, their eyes widened as well. Jake was shaking, visibly fighting the urge to phase and tear the room to pieces.

"Jake what's going on!?" Sam soothed, pacing to his fellow Alpha and putting his hands on his shoulders. "What's wrong?!" He gasped out.

Jake just grit his teeth harder than ever before and held out the necklace in front of Sam's face.

"..Leah's necklace..." He looked at Jake again. "What about it?" He questioned. Jake growled.

"That _girl_ , Sam. The Cree pack! _Leah was wearing this when she left_!"

The entire room was still as dots were connected.

"....We're going. _**Now.**_ " Sam headed for the door faster than the words left his mouth.

_The hunt was on._


	15. Alone All Along

The seven of them fled Sue's house with such urgency that they didn't even shut the door behind them.

Pavement blurred into smudgy grey as they phased on the run, black and rust and brown and tan all beating feet across the thin La Push road. Lights came on in porches; normal dogs barked. But the boys were flying down that pass so unbelievably fast that a normal person wouldn't of even had the time to make it to their door to see what the fuss was about.

Besides, attracting attention was the very last thing on their minds.

The pack's thoughts joined up in unison, all members so goddamn angry and infuriated that they could hardly process the fact that they finally had a clue; an inkling to where their missing sister might be.

' _We should get the Cullens!,'_ Jake thought, branching off from his pack brothers to head in the west direction toward the vampire manor. ' _We're gonna need all the help we can get!'_

Sam snarled out a word, barely sounding like _'fine'_ and ground to a stop so Jake could grab their allies.

_'I fucking knew it! I knew I didn't like the way they were looking at my sister!'_ Seth growled, so much ferocity in his curled back lips and bared teeth that he looked rabid. _'I'm gonna kill 'em. I'm gonna fuckin' tear 'em apart-'_

' _Me and you both.'_ Paul growled out, a hideous bark escaping into the night air. Speaking of, as Paul's eyes went skyward he snarled again. Snowflakes began to fall to the ground, a mist easily seen over a long distance had suddenly settled into La Push. Paul and the pack's hearts dropped. _'Seriously? It's starting again_ _ **now?!'**_

Other noses turned skyward and they hissed and clawed at the ground as the cool flakes landed on their wet noses and in their eyes.

' _We don't have a lot of time. The wind's gonna pick up again soon, I can feel it.'_ Jared growled, hackles rising threateningly.

No one else had the chance to utter a word before Jacob burst through the trees with the coven of vampires on his tail, all of them except for Bella and Renesmee. Esme and Emmett had backpacks on their shoulders, as did Carlisle but they flew as if they were weightless.

"Let's take care of this." Edward snarled, eyes roaming immediately to Sam's. The Alpha just barked a loud boom, tail swishing and paws leaving harsh indents in the ground as he turned to run.

" _Sam!"_

The only voice that could stop him in his tracks. The ebony wolf swung around as did the others and he.. He growled.

Emily stepped back with a gasp. "Sammy..? Where are you going!?"

"Not now Emily. We might know where Leah is, this is important." Rosalie hissed, the dark of the night failing to hide the disgusted sneer that turned the corners of her pretty mouth. Emily gulped.

"Well... Not _all_ of you need to go I'm sure! Sam, please!... I haven't seen you in days..." Her russet face scarred for life tilted downwards. But shot back up quickly when a grisly snarl cut through the silence. Sam stared at her, teeth bared and eyes liquid rage.

"...He says he has no time for you. I'm sorry, Emily." Edward muttered.

With that they turned their backs and disappeared into the blackness of the night; proudly enough a rescue mission this time, instead of a search party.

_'How do we know she's even alive!?'_ Quil mumbled as they raced over boulders and trees and rocks and stumps. _'What if they did something to her!?'_

_'Well then we're gonna do it back just a hundred times worse!'_ Paul screamed right back.

_'Those cock-sucking bastards,'_ Embry quipped, _'they had the goddamn balls to lie right to our faces!'_

_'They're not gonna have faces once I'm through with 'em!'_ Jacob growled, his rusty fur a streak of lightning in the fastly falling snow. Wind wasn't far off; the scent of the air had changed, and not just that cool hint from the snow. It was desperation; like the party couldn't run fast enough, like the wind couldn't blow strong enough.

Jasper soaked in the emotion around him from the seething wolves; oddly, he felt no need to calm them. It was a new revelation for the 'walking chill pill' as Leah had so accurately named him months before. Instead, as Alice took his hand and they sped along with the others, Jasper let the boiling rage fill him from the inside out and over-sweep any mercy he might've felt for that traitorious pack. His speed intensified, and he felt Alice smirk and pound the forest floor faster beside him.

_'If they hurt her, I swear to god-'_ Jared seethed, spit dripped from his bared fangs and disappearing behind him as the brown wolf ran, skimming over the ground like he had wings. _'I need something to calm me down, at least until we get there. Like fuck! ...Sam man. You and Emily, are you guys okay?'_ Jared thought, needing something, anything to keep him from tipping over the edge of madness and way down into insanity.

As Jared mentioned the girl Sam left behind in the dust, the pain-.. The pain; holy _fuck_ , it disappeared!

_'No... No. Me and Emily, we're done.'_ The agony was gone. It was over and the last frayed edges of the imprint, Sam felt  slip away.

_'.............._ ' "........." Silence overtook the pack and Edward, the lot of them screeching to a halt and barking questions.

_'Sam, man... Are you serious?!'_ Jacob questioned. _'How are you even still breathing dude!?'_

_'I don't fucking know and I don't fucking care, keep running!'_ Sam's growl was domineering and overtly frightening even. _'She's not pregnant anyway, it doesn't matter.'_ He snarled.

Edward's fist clenched. "Samuel,.. I'm proud of you."

Then the cold-blooded Cullen began to run along with the Alpha once again.

_'What do you mean she's not pregnant!?'_ Paul yelled as he ran to catch up. _'She said she was the day-...'_ Paul still couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence; it didn't help that Sam shot his packmate a vicious grumble. But he still answered the man's question.

_'It was bogus, a false alarm. Now_ _ **forget Emily!**_ _'_ His last thought was controlled; but by how rough and angry the words came out a bystander wouldn't of known it. Instead, pictures of Leah and memories were fuelling Sam's mind, the pack and Edward watching amazed. Next memories of Sam just hanging up on Emily; ignoring her pleas to come home and just pushing the scarred up girl to the back of his mind.

The imprint was no more.

_'Holy fuck... It's possible...'_ Embry muttered, running now like the others who had stopped. _'Sam dude... Does this mean... Leah..?'_

Sam never answered him. He had effectively barred the offending language from the rest of his pack's minds. He must've temporarily forgotten about Edward, because the mind-reading vampire heard the words very clearly though Sam's brothers could not;

_'I'm going to find you, Leah. I'm gonna make sure you're okay. I know you're alive, I can feel you and it's pulling me. I Love You, Leah Clearwater. I always have.'_

Edward's eyes widened; the others failed to notice.

The pictorials in Sam's head, however, were more than enough evidence that Sam's statement was true.

_He yawned. He was so tired. She looked down at him, his head in her lap. "Sam, you look so worn out..."_

_He forced a weak smile back up at her; she cared about him so much. "Nah babe, I just haven't had much time to rest since I've been back.. Am I hurting you?" Sam asked her, his heavy head (seems as the first phase added a whole lot of weight to you along with height) resting on her thin, bronze legs. She giggled._

_"No idiot, go to sleep. ...I'm just happy to have you back." He smiled; felt his eyes going heavy and buried his face into her stomach, into the soft fleece of Leah's sweater._

_"I'm so glad I'm home too.. I missed you." His last words came out hushed, and he fell asleep._

Sam continued to be silent; Edward continued to watch as he felt his heart break even more with each new memory. If they didn't find Leah, alive and well... They would lose two friends, not just one.

_"What do yah think of the future, Sam?" She asked, looking up at the passing clouds. She laid entirely on his chest, his strong hot arms locked around her naked waist._

_"I don't know... I see a house." She tilted her head further back to look at him, since his back was rested against a sun warmed rock on the beach._

_"A house?"_

_"Yeah. ..And two kids."_

_"Two kids?" fourteen year-old Leah's face lit up in a smile and Sam grinned. "What are their names?" Sam chuckled._

_"Bonnie and Clyde." She laughed and he did too. "Partners in crime and in life. Just like me and you."_

Rosalie understood Leah. That was why she was out here beating across the forest floor with the rest of them, running like the wind that was whipping her blonde locks. She knew Leah understood her; and for some reason, she guessed that Leah would look if it was her who'd been missing. Hell; Leah even understood Bella's desire to save her child. She remembered her mind-obsessive brother telling her that. Two girls in the same boat; Leah Clearwater and Rosalie Hale-Cullen.

She felt her diamond-hard teeth clench together and she bypassed Edward running.

_Sam coughed and sputtered, causing her to gulp and press the cold rag to his burning forehead; well, hotter moreso than usual he guessed._

_"Leah really.. You.. You don't need to do this.. You haven't slept, I know it.." He murmured, coughing again against what he assumed was another glob of congealed blood in his throat. "I'm gon-gonna be.. Fine.."_

_"Shhhh." It was just the softest whisper between her lilac lips, her soft hand caressing the scratched flesh of his fiery cheek. "Stupid cliffs.. I always knew you were gonna get hurt, diving off those..." (Oh yeah.. It had been a 'cliff-diving accident' that he'd told her, wasn't it?.. The first time he came home beat up from a rogue bloodsucker.)_

_'I wish I could tell you.' ...."Don't worry about me baby.. I'll be fine. How could I.. Not be, when you take such good care of me?.." She climbed over him in bed, causing the barest of brushes against his fevered flesh and settled down to lie, curled into his side. His arm automatically extended, her head rested on it and she buried her face into the crook of his neck._

_"Sam... Don't ever leave me, please..?" He turned his head, looked at her with those beautiful eyes and plump lips and he smiled; knew he would always be okay when he was with her; knew (THOUGHT) he'd never leave her._

_"No baby... I promise; ..I'm not ever gonna leave you." He kissed her._

Edward knew Sam would've winced had he not been so deeply buried in the memories, the only reminders he had of Leah until he found her. Edward tried to keep his favorites, actually; hours passed with the pack not stopping, the Cullens either. Sam was reminiscing the whole time.

Edward saw Leah and Jacob as youngsters playing football and Jacob always letting her win because Sam and Jake knew it would make her happy. He saw bonfires at Harry's and Billy's and Harry playing a guitar that apparently was now in Leah's room.

...Heard the most amazing, beautiful voice in the silence of Leah's abandoned room and Sam imagined Leah plucking the guitar's delicate strings as she sang, on a bench at night, on the beach by her friends and family. Edward really liked that one; thought maybe he'd try to con her into it if they found her safe and well.

He kept watching; but then Edward saw flashes of random acts happening; things that he couldn't connect to Leah _or_ Sam. He saw a snowglobe falling to the floor and smashing, the words unidentifiable inside as the glass and white specks of glitter that flooded out blurred the image. Edward watched as a door slammed shut. He saw the red and blue lights of an ambulance and police car, blaring in the night. He saw Leah's necklace on the cold hard floor alone. He saw nurses and doctors running down a corridor of the hospital where his father worked. Edward witnessed the bright flames of a fire tilting and flickering as they were moved by a breeze or the wind. Edward saw rain hitting the pavement hard. Fog so thick it was impossible to see through, ocean waves crashing hard against the shore as an overcast sky turned to snow.

His eyes narrowed as he ran; Edward tried hard, but he still could not find sense in Sam's jumbled up thoughts at all.

All of a sudden then, Sam's mind shut off the flow of pictures and memories, and was replaced with the harsh feeling of pure fear; raw fright and worry personified in Sam's quivering body as he ran.

Jasper felt regret, shame, fear, shock, and denial rush through him so fast the vampire nearly tripped. It was a surprise, to say the least.

Edward didn't understand; but it brought him out of his own world and back into his surroundings. On either side of him were his family, in front and behind were the pack; all running like their lives depended on it.

But as Edward watched Sam in the lead, paws pounding desperately across the forest floor, he knew sadly that Leah's did; as well as Sam's.


	16. You're In Ruins

**MS:** Big chapter here guys :)

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They breeched Cree territory in a matter of hours.

It was the fastest the pack had ever run; paws pounding across the forest floor like the very land they stepped on was slipping away and falling into nothing. Like if they didn't run their fastest, run their hardest... They might slip away into nothing too.

Technically, it was close to true. But with an ending in sight, _finally_ after weeks of going on empty and searching for even the barest hint that finding Leah might be somewhere in their futures, the Cree pack made one vital screw-up. And that had given them the will to race harder than ever.

A member of their own pack.

Jacob growled as he thought about it. He actually snarled loud and clear through his teeth, his russet shoulder just a little behind Sam's black one as he ran tight, neck and neck with his friend. Perhaps Janice didn't mean to leave the necklace for him to find; maybe she put it down and forgot about it. Or it was a spur of the moment thing.. Maybe she figured they wouldn't remember Leah had had it when she went missing..?

Jake didn't know. ' _But that chick putting it there for us to find seems just a little bit too out of place for me.'_ The proud second Alpha thought.

_'You're definitely right_ ,' Embry 'grrr'd, his spotted fur hardly a contrast to the speeding forest-winterland surroundings. ' _Goddamn this snow! It's actually startin' to slow me down.'_ He grumbled.

Life wouldn't make it easy for them, would it? Of _course_ not. The storm that had irritated and fucked up this situation from the very beginning was back and getting worse; snow had started falling a few hours before and as it began to stockpile on the forest floor and ice began to form, travelling became treacherous.

Quil had already tripped twice. The second time he took Paul down with him and both of the wolves were spittin' and yowling like geese as they struggled to get their footing back and shake the freezing white out of their fur.

(Emmett found it monumentally hilarious.)

Then about an hour after that, as they crossed a trench just about frozen over, poor Embry had to pick a spot where the ice was a little too dark and fell through into the freezing water below. It wasn't deep; he could feel the bottom of the riverbed but it still didn't help the fact that the shattered ice around him tore and ripped at his fur and the water permanently chilled him.

Even now running Embry was the last in line again, trying to get feeling back in his massive paws. And since he wasn't as quick on his feet anymore, everytime he ran through a snowdrift the piles would drag him down before the brother could get another paw to stand up straight on.

(Poor ol' Embry was having a rough go of it.)

Alice had taken to flitting along beside him, her hand as white as the snow itself sometimes grasping the fur on Embry's back and giving him a much needed pluck out of the cold white subterrain.

Noble, though, how the storm only slowed them; they never stopped. Their thoughts were still instigated on the exact same thing; finding Leah and making sure she was safe.

Sam was the head of these thoughts, and what ran through his head gave everyone hope- Especially Seth. Apparently, as they crossed the line into Cree territory over the Canadian border Sam's heart seemed to swell with this feeling; this.. This charisma that floated on the breeze and told him Leah was okay.

Well.. Alive, at least.

Because a discovery made about two hours later after that practically chilled everyone even worse than Embry's icicle-coated fur.

It was Edward and Sam that had stopped first, Sam prancing on his proud battered paws and sniffing this and that, random trees not completely buried and what appeared to be the remnants of other paw prints and footprints before the snow covered them.

_'I can smell her!'_ Sam barked, high and urgent. The rest of the pack and the vampires slowed beside them and they too frantically began to scour their surroundings.

"But that's not all." Edward gulped, his icy exterior strangely rattled as he lifted his head to the sky, and felt a burning in his throat. Carlisle grit his diamond teeth and he sighed deeply.

"It's mixed with her blood."

Seth whimpered, Esme casting him a sad look and running her hands through the fur on his side, Leah's little brother distraught.

"She may be alive.. But she's seriously hurt." Jasper muttered, the white of winter around him doing nothing to hide the hundreds of scars that littered his handsome physique. "I suggest we hurry."

No more words were spoken from Sam, and he took off at an appalling speed through the blistering cold North.

Anger hot enough to boil his frozen blood returned and he swore he was going to tear into that whole pack, rip them limb from limb like an evil bloodsucker and maybe something worse just because they deserved it for hurting his LeeLee.

How dare they dilute her pure, bouquet passionflower and ocean breeze scent with the coppery tang of blood!? Sam would be sure to drown them in their own when he found those sons of bitches.

He heard the distant thumping of paws behind him; saw blurs every now and then as his vampire allies matched him sometimes stride for stride.

It was a race; Sam was sure of it now like he hadn't been before. His ex, the girl he could've fought himself to admit he loved was out here somewhere hurt and bleeding and Sam knew time was a major factor here.

Leah _would_ be okay. Sam was going to make sure of it.

As Sam ran ahead of them, Paul and Jake pondered his changing personality in their thoughts.

_'Isn't it funny how before he wanted to find Leah to bring himself,_ _ **and**_ _the rest of us peace of mind? But now he just wants to find her because he simply.. Needs to, has to?'_ Paul noticed, his own dark grey paws beating the snow beneath.

_'I know. I don't care what he says anymore. Man's in love. Always has been, I know it.'_ Jake said. ' _I betcha that's why he's not going back to Emily. Hell I_ _ **know**_ _that's why he's not going back to Emily._ .. _I don't really know whether to be happy er mad..?'_ Jake thought back.

Sam heard them; background noise in his fight to save the woman he loved and he didn't care in the slightest.

(Briefly he thought that to himself, Leah would always be a _girl_ ; young and beautiful and enough spirit to put Taha Aki to shame. ..Then hated himself for not noticing as that spirit faded away over the last year. Was then when she'd 'grown up'..?)

_'You should be happy; I think..'_ Paul said, '.. _It means he's gonna bring her home or die trying.'_

_'Do yah think he imprinted..?'_ Jared asked, running to catch the middle gap between Jake and Paul as the russet Alpha fell back.

_'Nah. I hope not.. Leah would hate that.'_ Seth chimed in. _'All I know is; I'll deal with them possibly getting back together_ _ **after**_ _she's home safe. Because if he hurts her again I'll friggen kill 'im.'_

The only bit of comedy they could've found in that dark hour.

Because when the boys stopped barking out laughter and set their eyes on the path ahead of them again all three of them nearly collided with Sam's backside.

' _Sam what's goin' on man?????'_ Quil asked, frantic at the sudden stop. The way ahead of them, as wind blew snow down from a series of high cliffs and blurred their vision, seemed nearly untrekable in the harsh weather. The wind had kicked it up another notch. Now, the snow was falling wetter and lighter; like it might turn to rain.

_'Wait for it.'_ Sam's voice was stoic as usual.

Then, like magic, the wind cleared the blowing snow and there it was; a little cottage; small cabin. Hidden under a cliff's ledge, two-story place. Smoke coming from the chimney.

Everyone stood stock still.

Eyes narrowed.

Teeth bared.

The storm blew harder.

The black wolf, striking and handsome in the winter weather, turned to Edward.

"I can hear her." Audible gasps, intakes of smells and there was more blood and more Leah; she was alive. "I'm getting.. _Parts_ of thoughts, like they're not all there.. She's not well."

"What are the thoughts, Edward?" Rosalie asked, worry in her usually strong voice. Esme looked over with a spark of sadness in her eyes as well, and Carlisle's stance was tight.

"..She's thinking of Seth." The sandy wolf weaned again. Edward continued. "...From what I can gather, anyway. It's so.. Unclear. Her mind is hazy, unfocused.. Brain a million different places a second. ...She's wondering why."

No one bothered to question it.

Then Edward suddenly growled; inhuman and creepy. All heads shot to him.

"He's in there with her."

Sam took off like a bullet, phased outside the door, grabbed a pair of pants from Esme's backpack and then he was inside.

He stopped again though, when the scene in front of him registered in his frantic mind.

She was handcuffed; both wrists to a metal bedpost in the middle and stark naked; covered in blood and he didn't want to know what else.

That motherfucking son of a bitch was holding her hips; between her legs as she just lied there.

He didn't get time to move before Sam grabbed Karl by the back of the neck and slammed him into the cabin wall with such force the plaster cracked and fell away. As the others barged into the room, Sam was dimly sure Alice screamed. He heard frantic footsteps and curses but all he felt was the scared pulse of Karl's adams apple underneath his hot palm.

"I'm gonna kill you." was all Sam could say and then he found himself delivering punch after punch into Karl's face and the man gasped out each time, trying to push the smaller (Karl was HUGE) man back from him but it didn't work; he was frantic, a man gone wild with rage.

When blood was pouring from Karl's temples, nose and mouth and eyes black and blue Sam felt arms grasp his biceps, struggling to pull him back.

"SAM! SAM STOP IT!" Paul screamed. Sam elbowed him so hard in the gut that his brother fell backward to the floor, wide-eyed. More hands then. Jake's and Embry's and Emmett's and Jasper's, trying unsuccessfully to move Sam away from the target of his rage. Only one thing reached him.

Leah cried out in pain, an audible gasp crossed with a sob that shook Sam's very being and made him drop Karl to the floor. He turned fastly and pushed his packmates off him, even the vamps and he was at Carlisle's side.

Carlisle had just successfully shattered the handcuffs, and was tilting Leah's upper body off the bed, leaning her forward. Sam was there in seconds.

"Leah.." His broken voice drawed out, her eyes shut tight and non-reactive. As Carlisle tilted her more, plied a blood-stained sheet that was stuck to her back away, he gasped.

"She's been shot."

Esme gasped out a curse and Sam's blood ran cold; everyone's did. Heads turned towards the ceiling as frantic thumps were heard from above.

"The rest of his pack... Carlisle we've gotta go now!" Quil yelled. The blonde doctor pursed his lips.

"Let me take her!" Carlisle knew better than to argue and helped lift the hardly-breathing girl into Sam's hot arms. The man could barely stop his shaking enough to hold her still, bridal style to his chest as she wheezed and panted.

"Y.. You.... I... Kill.. You... Wait..." Heads snapped in his direction and Rosalie let out a deadly hiss, poised at the ready to slit his throat with Embry at her side. Karl had blood dripping down his face like sweat and his lips were twisted into a sneer. "..Wait.."

"No!" Edward roared as the two warriors enclosed Karl. "Leah comes first! She needs us all, we'll come back for them later! We need to get her home NOW!" Edward spat.

The duo backed off immediately (Rosalie and Embry were _pissed_ though) and then everyone parted like the red sea as Sam and Carlisle rushed forward; Leah in Sam's arms.

Sam was through the door in again, under a second and stopped dead as the cold wind, and snow-turned violent rain slapped him in the face.

"....No.... Carlisle, we can't take her out into that!" He screamed.

"The caves we passed on our way here!" Jake yelled, just as loud. (To be heard over the wind alone, he had to yell.) "Take her there!"

Sam needed no more confirmation; he began a steady jog, a calm rhythm into the horrible storm outside and his friends and family followed him. Seth and Jake bordered him, and all eyes were in all directions as everyone looked around frantically for any rogue members of Karl's pack.

The lot of them would be dead soon; everyone was sure.

Twenty minutes of jogging and they were there; a large cave with sort of a hidden entrance (Quil found it when he fell down for the third time and practically stumbled inside), the wind blew right past the door to it and it hid the cave perfectly.

Sam and his gang ducked inside; immediate shelter from the hell that was the outdoors and suddenly all attention was LeahLeahLeah.

"Start a fire! Now!" The scared Alpha roared, moving in around one corner of the cave to a second chamber (swept away rocks and dirt with his foot) and placed her down on the ground as gently as he could with his trembling hands.

Esme and Quil rocketed themselves into starting that fire. Jared attacked the backpack she wore, grabbed a small blanket and raced around to Sam and Leah.

"Use this!" He said, Sam eagerly snatching the blanket out of Jared's hand and letting Leah lie on that instead. (Her back had enough damage.)

Finally; after about five minutes, the cave eased into a frightening calm. Carlisle knelt by Sam and Leah. And finally, everyone took in her condition.

Leah should've been dead. Her skin was a pale pallor; marred with scrapes and cuts big enough to need stitches and stains, one side of her face was black from abuse and her lips were cracked and split top to bottom.

Sam couldn't bear to look at her thighs, one hand that was all shades of purple and one leg that did not look well. Her back was worse again, and as he looked at his hands from holding her.. His heart stopped.

Blood. _Leah's_ blood. He was soaked in it. Sam let out a sob with no tears, and took his LeeLee's face in his hands.

"Open your eyes, LeeLee. Please... Please!" He fought madly against the urge to shake her.

"Sis.." Seth whispered; voice scarily quiet and tear-choked.

"Don't touch her."

Seth turned his head to Sam.

"I'm sorry... Please Seth don't touch her." Now Sam was crying. Seth grit his teeth, remembered their fight in the living room and the last time he'd seen his sister cry. The first time. Remembered how much Sam and Leah loved one another.

The little guy backed up, sat with his back against the wall and watched. And cried some more.


	17. And I Can't Pretend

No one knew how to feel about the terror they had encountered; The thoughts and expressions were unfathomable. Emotions of anger and sadness radiated around them, werewolves and vampires alike. Mythical enemies bound under the same emotion.

No one knew what to do.

After days, weeks of searching for any evidence of Leah; a trail, a scent.., They had finally found her. The last few hours of rushing to find her, the adrenaline that pumped through their veins, coming to an end. After the desperation and the terror, the pack was now forced to remain still as Carlisle worked on the body of the broken girl.

They'd _finally_ found her. The sheer joy that swirled through them was like a husband returning from the war; a letter you forgot to send or a misplaced important item showing up out of the blue. Whatever it was, it was a relief; and a total complete stressfest.

Their sister was back in their arms, but she was fragile, broken and although the thought devastated them it looked like she might not be there for long and it broke all fourteen hearts in the barren cave. Even those that could not beat. Leah had been shot; it was a serious wound and was still trickling blood. She was so much more banged up then that too, and frankly not even the genius vampire doctor knew where to start.

"I'd like to ask most of you to leave this part of the cave. I have to do an internal exam and clean and dress whatever wounds I can. She seems to be having trouble breathing and her heartbeat is irregular as well and that is what worries me most." The doctor nodded at his golden-haired son, and Edward solemnly nodded back before turning to the others.

The wolves were burning men. Faces contorted in all sorts of pain and glistened with tear-stained cheeks. Movie-like misery; real-life cruelty.

Embry was sweating; he might've picked up pneumonia or the flu from his hard run. But it was easy to tell the difference between sweat and tears as he looked fearfully at his hurt companion; lying limp in his Alpha's arms with nothing but a tee shirt to cover her.

Paul was too ashamed to come near. He sat meters away, almost in another part of the spacious cave (the place was actually huge; perhaps it was the foundations of an old mine? Tourist attraction?) near the flickering flames of the small fire but his eyes never drifted away from her. His fist was raised to his lips; as if the small gesture would stall his trembling. How he regretted his actions that night..

Quil had been the one to grab the other shirt from Esme's backpack and drape it over Leah's broken and bruised body; Sam her only means of support. After that he walked away; same with Jared. They couldn't look at her for long.

Seth was dying inside. He felt paralyzed or crippled, never moved from his spot against the wall of the cave for hours. He never budged until Sam moved a little too quickly and his hurt sister released another heartwrenching sob of pain. Then he was on his feet and walking quickly out into the other part of their temporary home, Jacob hot on his tail even though every vibe in the second Alpha's body told him to stay and take care of Leah. He couldn't bear to watch either.

Because none of them needed to be told the news; they already knew, they felt... Jake, Seth, the pack and the vampires, all they could do was sit and wait. Imagine Carlisle's hands moving swiftly over Leah's wounds. The patrons in the cave could watch stitches being done, bones being reset and blood spurting a meter a minute;...

But they couldn't watch someone they so dearly loved die.

Soon Carlisle, Sam and Leah were the only ones left in the cold, dimly-lighted (fire) cave section.

Carlisle reached down to ply open an eye-lid and Sam grabbed his wrist so fast the oldest Cullen stilled like a rock.

"Sam. I need to make sure she's aware of her surroundings. Shock has probably set in, along with infection and a million other things that could be wrong. Please. I need to see."

Sam gulped. His heart clenched and he wanted nothing more than to rip off the hand of anyone else that ever dare touch, poke or prod his LeeLee. ..But he let Carlisle go. The doctor gave Sam a sorry look (couldn't begin to understand what he was going through despite having lived for hundreds of centuries) and just began his exam. He had never experienced anything like the emotion that Sam was going through; not first-hand.

Carlisle decided he'd check her eyes last; he wanted to give Leah a chance to open them on her own. His first target was the shattered hand. She'd been missing for like two weeks, and the broken bones and splinters hadn't been reset. Briefly Carlisle wondered if she'd lose the hand; when she was handcuffed, wrists above her head blood flow had been restricted and it posed a severe gangrene risk.

"I'm going to have to reset the bones in her hand. The ones I can, anyway. I'll need you to hold her very still, Sam." The Alpha gritted his teeth, his grasp on Leah tightening as Carlisle lifted her hand with little or no resistance from her, and then twisted her palm till he heard a crack.

She screamed out at the same time, Sam squeezing his eyes shut and just praying for her pain to end. It was like swallowing hot coals; burying a dagger into his own heart as he watched the love of his life fight through such pain. He would rather it be himself, him to endure her pain then watch her go through it alone.

It was only going to get worse.

Alice was seated near the entrance in the other part of the cave. She was the look-out, sort of; that, and she couldn't bear to hear Leah's screams. She sighed silently, resting herself against the side of the wall.

..There was a strange cracking; only Alice could hear it over the wind. The pixie-like vamp cocked an eyebrow and pressed her ear to the wall of the cave. There it was again; a creaking, cracking in the rocks.

Alice stepped away, she looked up at the ridge of rocks that bordered the entrance; the water from the rain dripping from hanging stones.

Her eyes moved to Jared, who was looking at her curiously and tending to the fire.

".....Move."

Jared didn't get a word out before Alice grabbed the collar of the shirt he'd slipped on and tugged him forward with her as she made a quick-as-lightning dart across the rocky floor. Just in time to escape the avalanche of rocks that fell, hindering their exit; blocking their escape.

"..Holy shit!" Jared breathed out, looking to the vampire in a silent thank you.

By this time other pairs of feet came rushing around the shoulder of rock, eyes wide for what might have happened.

"What's goin' on!?" Embry said, eyeing the mountain of rocks that now so effectively blocked the door of the cave.

"What do you think?" Rosalie hissed sarcastically. "This is just _great_. Leah needs a hospital, the storm's _already_ too bad for us to take her and now we're trapped!" The blonde vampire seethed.

(What a night what a night what a night..)

"Well we need to find another way out!" Seth yelled, causing all heads to turn to him. "My sister is _not_ dying in this cave..!" With that he turned and began to walk quickly down one of the many interconnecting tunnels of the cavern.

Everyone winced at his words, eyes tearing up again so quickly for the boy who was close to losing his world. Jasper breathed out a sigh, the emotion hurting him more than they could imagine. His silent heart wrenching as he felt the love for Leah, and the sadness at her soon-to-be death in the hearts of the wolves.

"Seth, wait." Seth reluctantly turned to him. "There's bound to be another way out; this place is too big, it takes up pretty much the entire side of this mountain. I'll go, check the tunnels. I'll come back when I've found a way out."

"I'll go too." Quil stood up quickly. (The rocks falling may have succeeded in deafening everyone else to Leah's second scream of pain, but he was too close.) "Seth... Stay here with your sister."

Quil marched over with Jasper, while Seth walked frailly back out of the first tunnel. The boy scoffed; pain evident on his face. "Sam won't even let me near her... Staying here is pointless." Seth spat.

Edward placed a cold hand on the boy's shoulder.

"I don't think it's entirely Sam's fault, Seth. Please try to understand." Seth, reluctantly once again looked at him. "I've been listening to Samuel's thoughts... They're... They are one-tracked, to say the least. All he wants is what's best for your sister."

"Yeah? How's that keeping me away from her!?" Seth growled.

"I believe Sam did indeed break off his imprint on Emily; it was the love he still had for your sister that helped him do it. His love for Leah was simply too powerful; But, as you know, imprinting is considered to be two halves of a whole finally meeting to form one; soul mates. If Sam imprinted on your sister in Emily's place.. And.. If your sister doesn't make it through this-"

"Sam'll die too."

Heads turned to Paul in the cave; still in the same place where he was the last time they'd looked. "Well.. He won't 'die' as in die, but... He'll take it pretty hard." He gulped. "I dunno what I'd do if Rachel died..." Paul trailed off.

Edward nodded sadly. "Sam needs to feel like he's in total control of this situation... I agree, sort of. I think.. If there's anyone Leah would benefit from having around, it's him." (He didn't wanna mention how she thought of close to nothing but Sam and Seth; that would only further the boy's want to be with her.)

"But... I..." Seth turned his back to them.

Esme's dead heart nearly choked her and she was across the room, wrapping Seth in her icy arms as the boy cried. "Oh Seth..." She cooed. "I know exactly how you feel... But believe me, honey.. I think you should have faith in Sam. He'll save her."

Seth's growl surprised everyone.

"He shouldn't have the right to save her..! He's the reason she's been like this!" The boy sobbed, Esme pulling him into her stone arms yet again as Leah's little brother turned around.

Jacob placed a warm, comforting hand on Seth's back.

"It'll be okay, Seth... It'll be okay."

(How he wished that was even close to true.)

Back with Leah in one of the other chambers, Carlisle was setting up to do the internal-pelvic exam. As soon as his hand even came near, Sam let loose a growl. Carlisle's old eyes drifted up to his; pain was so easy to see in Sam's chocolate-colored irises.

"Samuel, please. This is what's best for Leah." Sam chewed his lip and looked away. _'Concentrate on her, Sam, only her. The doc needs to do this. Calm down man before you end up scarring more than one girl.'_

His own thoughts caused his growl to stop; he looked back at Carlisle and nodded. "..But make it quick."

Sam gently lifted her upper body against his chest, at the same time Carlisle bent her knees and pushed them back, before letting them fall to the sides gently.

That was when the fighting started.

As soon as Leah felt that unwanted, too-familiar position she was being put in the useless fight she'd committed herself to over and over the last few weeks returned and she stifled out a 'No!' and kicked out with a leg.

Sam gasped and held her as still as he could in the dingy cave, trying his hardest to keep her struggling to a minimum when Carlisle barked at him to hold her still.

"Leah! Leah please, it's me!" He said into her ear, attempting to calm down the scared girl in his arms. "Leah it's Sam!" His blood had stilled in his veins; this racheted up the pain he felt flood his being another whole notch; what had they done to her!? How often had he touched her-

He started to tremble again and he grit his teeth till they practically lost enamel. Instead of phasing, Sam buried his head into Leah's hair. "LeeLee... Baby.... Please.." His eyes closed, breathing in that scent that was undeniably his beautiful Leah (crossed with a scumbag he was going to painfully neuter and then some). "Please..."

Carlisle's eyes widened slightly in amazement as her kicking slowed to a stop, the harsh pants intended to be regular breaths slowed and she let herself fall limp against the boy's strong chest. "Just relax Leah.." The doctor heard himself speak, "No one is going to hurt you anymore. You're safe."

The sweat pouring from her beaten brow began to stop as did the harsh movement of her chest. Carlisle hesitantly positioned her legs apart once again, and Sam didn't want to see that so he buried his head into the crook of her tanned neck.

Leah flinched a few seconds later and whimpered a depressing sound lowly as Carlisle irritated the tears and soreness. Sam found himself kissing and nuzzling at her neck like they'd never broken up. Like this whole mess had never happened and Leah was just home sick in bed. When he was content that she would lie still for Carlisle, he let one hand play with her hair; untangling knots and running through the greasy strands. That had always calmed her down; Sam knew it always would.

Minutes later, Carlisle was done.

"The damage isn't too serious.. I'm concerned that her pelvic bone may be fractured, and she has some vaginal tearing that should heal in a few days." Sam tried not to take notice of the blood on the gloves as Carlisle threw them into the fire. "Now, I would like to clean her up a little."

Edward walked in soon with three or four bottles of water in his arms, and he set them down by the fire along with a small pot. (Esme and Carlisle had thought of everything.)

Carlisle set to emptying some water into the pot while he handed Sam a bottle of his own. As the doctor heated the water, Sam helped Leah relax her legs back to lying straight and tried to get her to drink.

"Come on LeeLee.. You gotta drink some of this, okay babe?" He rested her head against his shoulder and poured some of the water out onto his fingertips. He didn't want to waste any on her, the water was cold. (He never missed a detail.) So he gently stroked a split lip with one wet finger, trying to coax the injured girl to open her mouth. But she whimpered, turning her head to the side away.

"Leah, please... Do this for me. Please..?" It was the softest his voice had been in two weeks, Sam was sure of it. And it was his first smile in two weeks too as Leah slowly parted her lips for him, and he let his fingers slip inside so she could suck the water. He kissed her cheek. "You're doin' so good love.. Want some more?" This time he'd try the bottle. As he lifted it to her lips, Leah began to drink greedily and he smiled again; hope.

Carlile let the corners of his mouth turn upwards as he regarded the couple, and Leah's reponse. Sam gently stroked away any water at the corners of her mouth and kissed her scratched cheek again.

There wasn't really anymore doubt; Sam Uley was still in love with Leah Clearwater. Probably always would be.

Gently, once it was cooled down from boiling, Carlisle set the pot of water on the ground beside her. "We're going to wash her down now Sam. I don't want to chance repairing the bullet wound until I'm sure that the area I'm working with is clean."

Sam nodded, taking a facecloth Carlisle handed him and gently let it soak up the warm water. He started with her arms, letting his ex get used to the strange feeling of warmth before moving on to her stomach and thighs.

Sam found that crease in his forehead practically become a painful scar when he scrubbed the washcloth over the wolf pack tattoo on her left hip. Felt the bone almost jagged. Out of concern alone he moved upward to her breasts and ribs, gently washing away the dirt and grime as she let out small sighs at the warm water. Her ribs were easily visible. Sam could tap every single bone.

Soon enough the duo had finished cleaning Leah up and were slightly more enthused at her reactions to the water. _Slightly_. Leah had yet to open those beautiful eyes and look at them. It broke Sam's heart.

(Jesus. How much more breaking could a heart take for fuck's sake!?)

..Sadly, Sam didn't know the answer. But Leah probably did.

The sheer thought made him bend, kiss her forehead that was creased in pain and made him hate himself all over again for not being able to take it away.

"Are you ready Sam?"

Carlisle shook the Alpha out of his thoughts and he turned to the vampire doctor. "Huh..? Yeah." He grit his teeth (bit through his lip when Leah moaned out in pain at being turned onto her side with the sorest voice in the world), and took his first good look at Leah's most serious injury.

Those freaks had fucking _shot_ her. A fellow wolf. They _shot_ her. Sam had never been so livid.

He contained it, though; simply because his grief over possibly losing Leah was so much greater. He didn't know whether to scream or cry so he kept his mouth shut.

"No ...Poor girl." Sam looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow. Carlisle had slanted eyes, a sorry look on his handsome face.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, looking back down at the bullet hole. Blood was still trickling from the wound, dripping onto the tee shirt she laid on and sliding down her russet back. (Over more scratches and cuts.)

"It seems they... I believe they tried to stop the bleeding."

"....Okay? How? She's still bleeding."

"That's what I meant. They tried to cauterize the wound, Sam; they just did it wrong."

Cauterize. Sam was no biology genius or medicine man but he damn well knew what that meant and he pressed his hand to his forehead to stifle a sob.

The pain she went through.... Sam could've cried. Again.

He just got the same sad look from Carlisle and the blonde vampire doctor sighed. "The bullet's still in the shoulder." Sam looked back up at him, feeling Leah's harsh breathing under his other hand (remembered Carlisle mutter something about 'blood in her lungs' and wished his hand was somewhere different).

"Are you gonna cut it out?" Sam asked, eyeing the silver blade Carlisle picked out of his pocket.

"No. She's still bleeding slightly, and that's my obstacle for now. The cauterization they attempted was faulty. So, sadly..." Carlisle turned and hovered the blade amongst the dancing flames.

Sam cursed and shook his head. "Don't you have any pain medication? Something you can give her?" He questioned urgently.

Carlisle shook his head. "No. I'm sorry. We could dose her with tylenol and advil but that would just make her sleepy.. And I don't feel comfortable letting her rest until we're in a hospital. There's a likely chance her lungs will flood; or her heart could stop."

_'Wish I had that gun.'_

Carlisle took the knife out of the fire and leant carefully over Leah's shoulder.

"Hold her steady, Sam. I don't want to cause her unnecessary pain." Carlisle pursed his lips and Sam had to stop himself from vomiting up his heart as Carlisle pressed the knife (glowing a violent orange) to the gunshot wound and the flesh made a sizzling sound along with steam. And Leah's heartwrenching scream of pain.

Her voice was hoarse but it was so diluted with agony that it sent her brother back into the room for approximately three seconds, and then back out like the poor guy was gonna puke; sounds they heard a moment later confirmed it.

The disgusting smell of burnt human flesh was the undernote of dirt and water in the large cave, causing the creatures inside to wrinkle their noses and pray for their sister's health.

As Carlisle finished the last side of the wound, he breathed a sigh of relief like he was holding a breath he didn't need.

"Finished."

"..Now what?" Sam asked, tears welling up in his cloudy eyes as he saw them begin to fall from her's.

"Keep her warm, so the water doesn't give her the chills. There's nothing more we can do... It's still too stormy outside to warrant an escape.. And according to Alice it may be awhile before we can do so anyway." Sam cursed himself and their luck to hell.

If they lost Leah to natural disasters, they would lose _him_ to sheer hatred for the world. ..Sam Uley didn't belong in a world where she didn't exist.

Sam wasn't going to sleep that night, or eat; once again. Tonight he would suffer simply for the suffering all of them had caused Leah.

He would suffer with the others; he looked up and saw Seth walk into the chamber, the heart-broken boy wearily sat down a few feet from them.

They would suffer; but they would hope.


	18. I Can't Live Without You

Sometimes the wind blew so hard it shook the cave; rattled the mountain. Sometimes the never-ending rain leaked in through cracks in the rocks, fell on those inside and soaked them. Sometimes the fire died. And sometimes Leah coughed so hard and cried so much Sam was scared she'd fade away like the violent flames.

Day and night were inseparable and it was impossible to tell one apart from the other; The dark stormy night turning into a darker, stormy day. The weather outside rang true and hard like it had no intentions of letting up. But Sam clearly didn't either and he was the only one in the cave who kept a fighting spirit, holding faith in his heart that Leah would be okay.

However, as the hours went by, fear for Leah's dwindling life grew.

He hadn't left the detereorating girl in his arms, his arms encircled her, providing the comforting warmth he knew she loved because of the protection he offered. With the beautiful broken girl cradled in his lap, he held her head close to the warmth of his shirtless chest, next to his heart while his other arm hooked under her knees and kept her comfortable against him. Outside of Sam, Leah's only other source of warmth was the blazing fire about three meters away (to Sam it symbolized Leah's ardent spirit) and a thin tee-shirt draped over her flawless naked body.

She was so cold.

Hah; it was funny. The irony of their situation was painful. Days ago, Sam and his brothers could detail feeling the worst pain of their lives without her there, worrying about Leah day and night and fearing the worst.

They were so wrong.

That wasn't even _close_ to how he felt now. How Sam felt. The unending ache in his body, the pulsating throb in his head and the physical pain of his heart being broken into smaller and smaller pieces. It was like there was no more reason to love in the world. No more color.

Leah, Sam's only bit of color in the black and white world was fading.

If Leah died there, feeling alone and hurt... Sam would never forgive himself. (Had he forgiven himself for hurting Emily and breaking Leah once before?)

No one would survive Leah's death.

Seth... Especially not Seth. The little guy looked up to Leah and his father like it was no one's business; ..If he lost her too, he'd lost everything. Minutes ago the youngest Clearwater had upped and left the cave-room he and Leah were in. Sam could only guess he couldn't watch his sister fight for her life like this..

It was so hard to be there. So hard.. So hard not to _want_ to be, though. Sam knew he needed to be. He couldn't leave. He wouldn't. Never again.

Never.

The chamber they were in was silent; Sam took notice. (Except for the howls of the wind outside of course; crackling from the fading fire.)

For someone so hurt.. Leah barely made a sound. Sam could tell from the rise and fall of her chest that it was hard to breathe, she was struggling with pain and fading in and out of consciousness... But she never talked. Never moaned out in pain unless it was 'absolutely necessary' or something..

The last time she'd even made a sound was when Carlisle cauterized her bullet wound. Sam had a feeling he'd remember that scream for the rest of his life.

Inside his mind, he prayed. Prayed for the storm to end, for the rocks to just suddenly be gone and for another chance to rip apart the pricks who did this to her. ..Another chance to just start over; do things right from the beginning.

(He would've saved both girls then, wouldn't he?)

A tear rolled down his cheek. Sam looked at her and his eyes widened.

Leah's eyes were open.

Only halfway and god did she look _out of it_ , but they were open; those gorgeous sapphire blues that Sam dreamt he could wake up and look into every morning for the rest of his life; see before he went to sleep at night. His angel, his love.

"..Lee.." He whispered, dipping his head and brushing his chapped lips across her forehead.

"..S'm..?" He pressed her harder to him and let out a sob.

"I'm here baby, I'm here. You're okay. You're gonna be okay." He kissed her cheek and forehead again. Leah blinked every five seconds or so, hazy, lazy blinks like someone half asleep could pull off; Sam knew she was close to being gone again and he buried his face ino her hair.

"....Please stay with me." He murmured.

-

He flipped another page in the book and Carlisle's eyes narrowed. Jesus those fuckers had everything; almost every answer to the questions Carlisle posed himself over the wolves every day, after every examination or meeting.

(Yes he'd thiefed the book.)

The things he read.. The articles, the answers and the all-around knowledge.. It was like discovering a cure for cancer or HIV.

It was new magic.

Carlisle was sitting beside Esme in the cave, next to the fire. He thought it best to give Sam some alone time. Seth had gone to search through the tunnels as well, since there were many and he sighted that Jasper and Quil would never be able to check them on all their own. (Everyone knew he just couldn't bear to watch.)

Turning yet another page, the words 'female shifters' caught his eye. Carlisle was immediately drawn in to the old, faded scribbled writing, the book having probably been passed down from generation to generation. The pages were stale and dusty smoke; the binding was chipping and bent.

The information was brand new.

Carlisle read how some of Taha Aki's sons had moved up north; they weren't heard from or seen again. But that is a theory on how other packs came to be. He read how female shapeshifters were totally uncommon, but not totally unheard of. They were rare; maybe one born and phased for every three hundred males. (And there weren't that many wolves.)

Carlisle skipped many pages in the book; then a heading drew his attention.

_ 'Mating.' _

The article made it clear that for actual 'mating' to occur, both participants had to be werewolves. _Leah._ The female 'went into heat' or estrus in the beginning of spring; and stayed in that condition till the end. Apparently in that condition all un-imprinted males would be drawn to her; for reproduction rights.

The dots began to connect in Carlisle's head.

Karl and his pack were interested in Leah for one thing and one thing only. _Breeding._

He read on.

 _'Female wolves mature sexually at two or three years old.'_ This was close to Leah's third year phasing. ' _When spring comes around at this time, a pheromon is exuded from the female; through fur, skin and blood. All un-imprinted males will be tempted to come and play. It has been noticed that offspring produced from homozygous shifter parents are usually larger, stronger, and phase earlier on in life then half-breed children. These offspring are called PureBloods; hybrids, if you will, and usually assume Alpha authority in any pack they start or join. Hybrid children are rare, however, and much sought after since the birth of one requires a shapeshifting female. They may be rare, but once found they are highly attainable; female wolves do not imprint.'_

Leah was right in her beliefs all along. Well, except the one pertaining to her ability to conceive children...

_'A female wolf is only fertile during the spring months, and is unable to conceive year-round. This is caused by the unchanging state in which shifters' bodies become accustomed to; it stops the feminine menstrual cycle and therefore eggs are not released for fertilization. Eggs are released however during springtime, during mating season.'_

Karl was looking to use Leah as a fucking incubator; a powerless breeding machine so they could produce stronger, better wolves. They didn't care for her at all.

Carlisle thought to the date on the calendar when they'd left yesterday morning. It was the last of February; the twenty-eighth. Spring usually began in the middle of March. The intelligent doctor gritted his teeth and flipped some more pages.

They would _not_ let Leah fall victim to him and his ruthlessness. They wouldn't let her become his slave.

Many more headers and a lot more text covered the aging pages and he was almost to the end of the book when one more title seemed to scream at him.

_ 'BloodBinding.' _

-

Sam kissed her pale cheek and reveled in the beautiful color of her open eyes.

They were clouded, though.. Clouded in a way Sam never thought he'd see again. So much pain...

 _Sam moaned. It felt so right.. He felt his lover, his_ forever _writhing beneath him as he pounded into her and he knew such a thing could never be wrong. He was so lost in the black of Emily's soft hair that he barely noticed the door open; didn't see her standing there._

_Emily gasped and that was when he looked up and his heart broke in two. Leah stood there; at his door, eyes transfixed on him and Emily on the couch. Naked, making love to eachother..._

_Sam had only broken up with Leah that day._

_"..Lee-"_

_The door slammed with such ferocity as she ran out that it shook the small cottage and the two jumped up from their positions and hastily pulled on their clothes._

_**Fuck.** _ _He didn't want to hurt her this way, they didn't want her to know about them yet..!_

_Sam and Emily were out the door after Leah quickly. Sam couldn't get the image of her trembling fists out of his mind. It reminded him of the day her brother phased, a week ago. he anger at his father for throwing out one of Seth's favorite shirts finally tipped the scale and Seth was the sandy handsome wolf Sam knew him to be today._

_...No. It wasn't possible..._

_Sam ran faster. "Stay here! Don't follow me!" He yelled to Emily, leaving the crying girl behind in the fog as he struggled to find his way to his ex's house. It would turn to rain soon; Sam could smell the moisture in the air as his feet pounded pavement to get to her in time._

_He saw her back move fastly across the lawn, past a fire in the Clearwater yard soon to be doused, and the flames blew with her as she ran past. The ocean crashed in the distance; a loud, depressing roar._

_Leah's back disappeared through the door just as Sam reached the steps and he called out her name, but she ignored him. Leah ran across the living room floor, snowglobe Sam's grandfather had given Harry falling to the floor and smashing into a million pieces. Leah ripped his necklace off from around her throat and threw the glittering blue heart to the floor._

_Sam's soul died a little as he grabbed her by the wrist and turned her around; apologies spilling out like water from a floodgate. She tried uselessly to maneuver herself out of Sam's hard grip, bruising her wrist and to just get away because even Sam could feel the anger; but mostly the sadness, boiling up from inside of her as she realized why he'd left her._

_"What's going on?" Harry burst into the living room, eyes narrowing when he saw Sam and his daughter in such a frantic situation and knew instantly Leah must've finally discovered the truth._

_What surprised him, however, was the sweat beginning to bead on Leah's temple and the way heat radiated from her body._

_..Oh dear jesus._

_"You have to come outside! Come outside with me LeeLee PLEASE!" Sam pleaded; it was too late. Harry gripped his chest and fell to his knees as Leah let out a guttural, pain-filled scream and suddenly she was in Sam's arms and he all but forced her out the door as her skin grew hairy and her teeth and fingernails grew long._

_The force of her phase threw Sam back from her, but luckily he was unharmed._

_Harry, however, had not been so lucky._

_An hour later saw all of them in an emergency room, police cars outside along with an ambulance and Seth crying into his mother's chest; Sam hadn't let Leah go even after she phased back to human and he locked himself to her; her fists were still flailing but most of all she cried; her eyes, so lost.._

_So dead.. So here lies the old Leah Clearwater; died alone; will not rest in peace._

Sam snapped himself out of the memory and thrust his attention back to the dying girl in his arms.

He would not let go this time either. It was time to resort to drastic measures.

"Leah... I know you'll hate me for this but I don't care; I **command** you, I **order** you to stay..! You are not allowed to die. Not allowed to let go and leave us here alone..!"

'..Even though that's what I did to you so long ago..'

Her eyes didn't change; they didn't tear up anymore than they were already and she didn't curse or yell or hit him; she closed her eyes and laid there, against Sam's chest like it was already too late.

No. No way in fucking hell. Sam refused to let this become a losing battle; he wouldn't fail Leah again.

"Sam."

The man in question looked up at the doctor quickly; damn vampires.. Sam hadn't even heard him come in.

"I think I know why they took her."

Sam's ears perked up at that, and he unknowingly pressed Leah's head a little tighter to his chest.

"Why?"

And then the long explanation began; once again that familiar sense of anger and dread flooded Sam's russet body, waves of heat extending through each limb till he, again, had to restrain himself so he wouldn't shake and phase. ( _And they thought he was the calm one_.) Just to make sure he didn't phase, Sam held Leah even tighter. He knew, deep inside that he could _never_ hurt her the way he'd hurt Emily. Not now. And Sam didn't know why but that feeling was one of the strongest he'd felt in a long time. Stronger than the need to be with Emily; stronger than the passion he felt when they made love and stronger than her kiss.

The need to keep Leah alive and well; right beside him as his partner for eternity overrode everything Sam could ever remember feeling.

"..I have an idea. I read the book the other pack kept in the room with her." Sam's eyes narrowed.

"It's called Blood Binding."

"Let's do it."

"Sam, you should let me explain-"

"No. I'll do it. Whatever it is, I'll do it."

The imprint was an epic fail with Emily. And no, Sam was positive the same thing had not happened with Leah.

Not an imprint; just true love.


	19. We Will Keep It Alight Together

"Anything??"

"No," Quil heaved out, breathing heavily and the sweat dripped off him like rainwater outside. "Fuck I've been runnin' since like... Like..... How friggen' long have we been here!?"

"About three days.." Esme chided, wafting gracefully over to Quil's tired being and pressing a cold cloth to his face. "It's almost the third morning."

"Jesus.." The tired wolf scrubbed a hand down over his scratched up face. "Me and Jasper have been looking non-stop.. There are millions of them down there, hundreds of tunnels..! I don't think we're ever gonna check 'em all.." He sighed.

Heads doused in worry.

"Seth's been looking too." Alice spoke quietly, eyes flitting to the opening now and again as if she was willing the rocks to magically disappear. "Did you see him..?"

Quil looked down and shook his head. "..I thought he would be with-.. Yeh know." His kind brown eyes drifted toward the other chamber of the cave then. "How is she?"

No one answered him.

Quil took the hint and sighed deeply as he sat down on a stalagmite.

"Those tunnels have dragged me through hell n' back..." He murmured, wiping a swatch of blood off his knee and groaning. "..And how are you guys doin'..? Haven't felt the need yet to.. Yeh know, chow down..?"

The question turned some heads in the room indeed. The struggle with their dying sister acquired so much focus that a lot of them simply forgot the vampires' needs. It wasn't intentional of course.. Emmett actually wasn't thinking about blood at all until Quil had gone and said that.

The burly man shrugged. "I could drink, I could not. Not really 'cravin'' it as of yet." He said, crossing his arms behind his back and resting his head against the wall of the cave. "I think we're all good. Don't worry about it."

Quil nodded, took a spell for another five or ten minutes (ate an apple Esme had stuffed in a backpack), walked in briefly and kissed his dying sister on the cheek despite a growl from his Alpha and then he was gone again; off to do more exploring.

Quil wasn't about to let her die in here either.

-

Edward had been the one to sit closest to the duo in the lone room. He perched just around the corner, out of sight; but he still had a feeling like Sam knew he was there.

The man just didn't care. He kept showering Leah's tanned face with light kisses; he whispered soft words of love to her constantly; anything he felt that would give her another chance at a will to live.

Edward didn't have the heart to tell him that Leah's strength was weigning.

The Cullen sat there in deep thought; he picked all of Leah's thoughts continuously apart from when she was unconscious. He saw everything. In fact, he saw some of Sam's too...

Saw the night everything changed.

It made sense now, the images of the snow globe smashing (it said 'Family Forever') and the waves crashing and police sirens blaring.

It saddened him greatly, and once again silence seemed more than appropriate. Even Leah seemed to think so as she felt Sam's kisses pepper her cheeks; his tears wet on her naked skin and how the salt made the scratches sting.

Then Edward heard pounding footsteps behind his wall of rock.

He got to his feet quickly; flew down the beaten path and back into the lounge where most of his family had gathered.

"Seth."

Heads turned to the tunnel just as Leah's younger brother burst out of the darkness.

"I found a way out..!" He practically screamed; excitement and enthusiasm pulsing from him in waves as he huffed out heavy breaths. "There's just one problem-"

Everyone jumped to their feet at his happy announcement; faces dropped quickly when the last part of his sentence hit the tension-filled air.

"..What?" Rosalie tentatively asked; someone had to pose the question.

"It's the storm." Seth gulped. "It's still really, really bad out... If we get my sister out I still dunno how we'd get her back to Forks."

Faces hit the floor.

"Sorry to say, Seth's concern is very real. Leah is in life-threatening condition as it is.. Even her healing powers aren't working well enough as they should be. She would never make it through the storm." Edward confirmed.

"Well when's the next break??" Rosalie asked, eyes closing as she listened in tuned to the rain and thunder from the outside.

"I dunno.. I can't see because of the wolves..." Alice muttered, her eyes too closed from the sheer stress of stretching out her mind. It was like taking a gash and plying apart the edges; it was extending pain over a greater distance and as the length of time and cloudiness increased so did the agony. She had to shake herself out of the trance as Edward placed a calming hand on her shoulder. "We need to find Jasper and Quil as well. We can't leave without them."

"We won't dear." Esme soothed.

"...That's the other problem." Embry and Jared stood up.

"You really think gettin' outta here and gettin' back to Forks with Leah's gonna be easy when that mangy pack of bastards are out there just waitin' for a storm break like we are to come find us?" Jared asked, fists automatically clenching at the thought.

"Well if we run into 'em we're just gonna have to kill em. I thought that was the plan anyway??" Embry questioned. Esme laid a hand on his hot shoulder.

"We all know getting Leah out of there was the most important thing. It still is. Fighting can come later."

"But this is still good news." Rosalie interrupted. "It means all we have to do now is wait."

'Yeah..' Seth thought, 'wait and hope my sister's time can outlast the storm.'

-

'Am I dead yet...?'

The question came and gone. Every so often, she could open her eyes (bursts of strength) and saw his face; Sam wouldn't be in heaven with her, would he? No.. He would wait and die with Emily.

She was sure she was alive then.

But very, very positive her mind was playing tricks on her.

_I'm here baby, I'm here. You're okay. You're gonna be okay._

God... It sounded like Sam so much. She understood that he might be wherever she was with her, but she didn't expect him.. To sound so.. Close? Wherever the hell he was, Leah was glad he was there.

It continued on and off like that.. Whispered phrases and kisses that seemed way too out-of-the-past for her to believe it was reality.

Maybe Karl was fucking with her again. Trying to drive her crazy.

_Please stay with me_. Leah knew for a fact Sam would never say that. That was part of what drove her insane, actually.. If Sam were saying that, then she was either dead and in heaven and for some reason God thought it nice to take pity on her and gave her Sam; or in Hell and Satan was torturing her and planning to rip away her dream again soon, or she was still in that dirty room; caked in blood and other shit she didn't wanna think about and Karl dosed her with something else or was toying around with her head.

(When she thought about it the last two options sounded suspiciously alike.)

It was just this whole crazy thing. If she wasn't so sure she was gonna be dead soon she might've been concerned about how many high school courses this personal mind-raping was knocking out.

But that was just it; ....Leah didn't have long, and with every fiber in her being she knew she was ready.

And then she saw him.

Her little brother, cooped up somewhere dark like she was and he looked so broken.. So fucked up and god that hurt her worse than anything Karl could poke her with, cut her with or tempt her with. And seeing Seth just put more emphasis on the horrible puzzle that was her 'life' right now.

Seth wasn't dead. Leah made a promise to herself years ago that she wouldn't outlive her brother. It would be too painful to have something else she loved ripped away.

So was she really alive...?

Apparently.

So, Leah made herself hold on to that hope and tried to get her head back in the game. She needed to figure out what was going on.

-

Sam and Seth were getting desperate.

"I said I'll do it, Carlisle! Just tell me what the fuck to do!" Sam hissed. BloodBinding; as Carlisle described it it was a simple mixing of mated blood. Two precise cuts, enough blood to drip and a bond to last through the ages. Supposedly. According to Carlisle, the book made it very clear that it was best performed between mated couples only. What did that even mean!? Did that mean he was supposed to have slept with her first? Was the ritual only useful in the throes of mating season?

Sam honestly had no idea. Even Carlisle found the old text hard to decipher.

But it was the last shred of hope; the last ray of sunshine in a sky filled with heavy rain-laden clouds. They had to try. (Just like Seth was all but running 'tunnel patrol' and trying desperately to find them a way out. It was harder than one would think. He'd nearly been squashed by like a dozen boulders and who knew bats were actually that sensitive?)

"Two cuts in the upper arms should do it huh?" Sam frantically asked as he reached forward and all but snatched the charred dagger out of Carlisle's hands. "I need to try."

"Samuel, I honestly think you should consider the price-"

"What price?!" Sam questioned. "What could honestly be more important than Leah's-"

"Your life with Emily!" All heads turned to Paul; an unsound presence in the room of the cave they stayed in and it made Sam nervous for some reason; made him angry.

"I already.. Made it clear." Sam seethed; heat and rage so poignant radiating from his temperate body that it warmed the room itself, "I am done with Emily."

"How can you be so sure Sam!? I remember you were pretty sure you and Leah were gonna spend forever together-"

Paul stepped back as Sam let out a growl more animal that human.

"I made that mistake once. I let imprinting take away my free will. I let it tear me away from the one thing that made living with this curse sustainable. Leah was the only reason I even came home after I phased." Sam spoke, eyes so dark with determination that Paul just lost the rest of the points for his argument like someone shook the etch-a-sketch that was his mind.

"..You're really sure about this? It could break the ties you have to Emily forever if this works.." Paul cautioned. He was trying to be real about it; be a good friend. As much as he wanted Leah to be okay, he didn't want Sam to suffer anymore either because to him his Alpha had burnt enough already for all of them.

Sam studied Paul standing in the dim light of the fire. He felt the girl in his arms shift uncomfortably and felt her fingers twitch against his chest. Sam's imprint, and his ignorance, were the causes of all of this.

"..I'm sure."

He hoped his voice didn't tell the wrong story; he wasn't nervous about losing Emily and going all Gone With the Wind on the imprint thing. He was scared because.. Because both women had already paid and given enough of themselves to him that this decision could damage them both.

And Sam knew now Emily would be doing the repair work all on her own.

Sam lifted Leah's broken hand, healed just so slightly now (because what good did it do to hurt the other one?), and slit the pad of her palm from pinky finger diagonal to the pad below her thumb. Blood ruby red trickled then steadied out of the gash and she whimpered but Sam knew he would have all the time in the world to comfort once he made sure she lived on. He supported her thin arm on his fingertips and made the cut across his own flesh; felt the burn and got hopeful.

Their hands clasped together hard, fingers intertwining, blood flowing. His hand that held her arm into place was the only source of strength keeping her arm lifted, just as his body was supporting her. The energy shift was sensed immediately by Sam and Leah. He stared into the planes of her glorious face, her russet skin enhanced by a glowing rosy flush that was spreading across her perfect cheekbones. She moaned quietly and the lashes of her midnight eyes fluttered. Sam bent his head down to place fluttering kisses on her eyelids, willing them to open. Those in the room shifted nervously, the intimacy of the moment was unavoidable and breathtaking. Sam whispered to her as she struggled to open her eyes.

_I'm here, Lee Lee._

_I'll always be here for you._

_I love you._

Everyone heard his silent prayers, however he dropped his voice to a whisper he knew only she could hear as he murmured into her ear,

_I'm sorry._

Leah felt Sam's glorious scent as he breathed life into her. She smelt the mouthwatering scent of the emerald forest on his flawless chest, the scent of rich aftershave. She inhaled deeply as she caught the scent of maple syrup, chocolate chip cookies, and the month of October. _Her Sam_. She stirred quietly in his arms and breathed out his name.

_"Sam."_

The blood trickled around their arms, swirling into an intricate pattern, binding them both for eternity. True love and reality finally conquering the fantasy Sam had been living for so long.

_"Leah. Lee Lee, baby, I'm here."_

His voice, his scent, his words as his breath swirled into her face awakened her. The enticing aroma and the undeniable love radiating from his deep, husky voice finally caused her to awaken. It was like a dam being broken loose, water cascading through the once sealed barrier. All of Leah's emotions, her pains, her everything, forgotten. She had to survive. For Sam, for Seth, for her family, for her pack, and ultimately for herself.

She sighed deeply as her eyes opened, and was awestruck when she realized there was no labor behind the task. Her dark eyes met Sam's midnight black ones, enhanced by the flames of the fire surrounding them. She was overwhelmed by the sensations she was feeling. His breath upon her skin, the warmth of his bare chest against her, the protection offered by his arms, the way there hands were intertwined, but mostly the look in his eyes. She saw love, happiness, admiration, and _hope_.

She found the will to whisper to Sam.

_I love you._

"It's only time now, Lee... Only a bit more time." He smoothed her hair back, kissed her forehead. "I'm gonna get you home, and once you're all better we'll all go swimming like we used to. It'll be fun, won't it..?"

Sam Uley was the definition of a broken man. Leah Clearwater was the definition of a broken woman but they were both different halves to a whole. Sam suffered inside and _wished_ he could feel the real pain to make it easier to process in his mind; make him hate himself less.

Leah felt that pain too... But now this tragic fuck in the grand scheme of things that was fate just had to drive another knife into Leah's chest. Hell; anything pointy with aim to hurt found it's way to her nowadays.

And her sharp words could never stand up to it.

Reaching into his pocket, Sam pulled out the sapphire heart of the ocean. The sight of the necklace brought tears to his eyes as the diamonds glimmered from the flames.

"You won't have to stand up to it anymore, Leah. Not while I'm still here." He put the heart against her chest, and his lips against her own.

Finally, Leah found the will to kiss back.


	20. Your Voice Was All I Heard

"It's getting better outside... I can hear the rain slacking off."

Rosalie stood near to the collapsed-in entrance; her senses alert at the slightest change amongst their dreary environment. Well she wasn't the only one; since finding a way out almost everyone in the cave had stuck their ears to the walls and prayed for give sooner than later.

Looks like things might finally be going their way.

(Not a chance.)

"But we can't leave yet anyway." Embry sighed, pacing back and forth around the remnants of the slow burning flankers left behind by their fire. "We can't go without Quil and Jasper."

"And god only friggen' knows how long it'll be before they're back.." Paul murmured, crossing his arms and staring up at the craggy rocks above them. "So far they've practically been gone days at a time.."

"We'll have to go and look for 'em." Emmett stated. "Once the storm quiets down we don't really have any other chances. If Leah's gonna make it she needs a hospital, like pronto."

No one liked to admit that the most brain-dead of them (well.. There _was_ Paul) was absolutely right. Leah was constantly detereorating... Getting closer and closer to slipping away with every hour that passed and the pack and the vamps felt that goddamned useless to stop it that there was no chance in hell they were gonna let this one opportunity pass them by.

"Well there _are_ a lot of us.." Alice crooned, hopping off a rock she'd so delicately dubbed her's and flitting closer to the weary bunch.

"So..?" Paul cocked an eyebrow.

" _So_ ; some of us should go look for Jasper and Quil. The rest of us should make a run for it with Leah."

Seth's head shot up and he was the first one nodding.

"I agree; let's do it. I'm _done_ waiting." Leah's little brother's courage gained a new altitude now that he was sure he could finally make a move to push back the night encroaching on their last chance at dawn. Seth turned on his heel and strolled into the cavern where Sam held Leah.

The Alpha looked up at him as Seth made his grand entrance; and the little guy's heart swelled when his sister's eyes tracked him as well.

Seth took in a deep breath.

"It's time to go."

XXXXXX

"Are you sure it was a good idea to let Carlisle go?? What if something goes wrong?" Embry questioned, eyes that were trained on his failing sister like a stab to his already grieving stomach. Yet he couldn't take them off her and he knew they weren't about to let her get hurt again.

"I won't let anything go wrong."

Sam's voice was firm and had regained the Alpha hardness that lead his pack through the years of war and challenge; mourning and happiness. He was leader again; strong and sure, hopeful and honest.

Seth bit down on his lip and thanked the heavens above for Sam's returning attitude.

(The only thing that could even have a hope at being compared to the agony they felt for Leah, was the pain they felt for Sam, as they watched him lose all the faith he had and waste away to nothing.)

"What about those fuckers who did this to her huh? We're gonna track em down right?" Paul seethed, a wave of anger very poignant echoing down the long cavern Seth had found and making the boys itch with the want to phase.

"Now isn't the time, Paul." Sam's voice was eerily calm; like.. Like he was unsure..? Had his tone moments ago been a lie? "Leah comes first. We need to get her to a hospital."

"Besides... We can't fight them like this."

The hot-tempered wolf's head turned towards his second Alpha. Jacob had been eerily quiet the whole time this had been going on. Many of them found it weird considering Jake's past friendship to Leah and the connection they'd apparently formed... But then again, that may have very well been the problem.

(He wouldn't be the only one who couldn't stand to see the strongest thing around crumble to pieces.)

"Why not?!" Paul growled, fists clenching at his sides and the waves of predatory energy puled.

"Because we're outnumbered. If you hadn't noticed, Quil's still gone. All the Cullens are gone. The only ones who can fight are me, you, Seth, Sam, Embry and Jared. And someone needs to look after Lee so that's minus one again." Teeth gnashed into lips as the information sunk in and Sam hissed out a growl. "The other pack has that Alpha, that chick, her imprint, the Beta, that one other guy and god only knows how many more of them there are.. Carlisle said that book told 'em how to phase people quicker."

"Then let's not resort to that," Jared said, "Let's avoid those bastards and come back for 'em later. We'll have all the time in the world once Leah's okay again."

"That's the plan." Sam commented. The girl he carried in his arms turned her head inwards, warm forehead pressed against his hot chest. "We're not dealing with them. Not if we don't have to."

Seth watched the couple from the corner of his eye and noted how Sam's gaze spent minutes on her, a second ahead of him to make sure he didn't walk into any rocks and then went right back to Leah again.

The fifteen-year old sorta knew he shouldn't of counted his chickens before they hatched, but at the same time he felt reassured by Sam's newfound strength; felt like maybe they actually had a chance to save his sister.

But nothing gave Seth more hope than the light that currently dwelled in Leah's dark eyes. She'd been awake for almost three whole hours now according to Sam and that was a new record; maybe a good sign. Leah'd managed to utter a few words; hell, Sam even let Seth hold her hand for awhile.

He honestly believed that maybe his sister would be okay.

"How much farther is it?" Embry asked, the darkness of the tunnel only increasing the pack brother's newfound claustrophobia.

"Not too much farther. Just up over that pile of rocks.." Seth bounced ahead, his bare feet anything but silent against the creaking rocks and began to scale them. The smallest of their pack (outside of Collin and Brady) was at the top in a few seconds. ...Then his heart dropped.

" _ **Fuck."**_

Jacob's kind eyes narrowed on instinct and he quickly trekked the same few rocks Seth had to get a view of their trail to freedom.

"...So much for your plan Sam."

Standing at the foot of the hill, halfway across the wet foggy field was the Cree pack. Waiting for them.

And there looked to be a lot more than five; closer to eleven. And all of their eyes shots up to the encroaching La Push boys at the mere sound of a creaking rock.

"About time you guys got here! We've been waiting for nearly three days now!" Karl screamed up at them, eyes searching the cave top for Sam and the girl that had been taken from him.

(The girl he would soon reclaim.)

Jacob turned his head quickly to his packbrothers still climbing the rock hill.

"Sam! Don't bring Leah up here! They're all down there, waiting.." The last word in Jake's sentence turned into a grisly growl halfway that seemed to shake the cave. "We're not gettin' out of this without a fight."

"Then that's what they're gonna damn well get!" Paul snarled.

"How many?" Sam's firm voice.

"..." Seth began to count. He swallowed a couple times. "Twelve.. Might be more up through the trees."

"Jesus christ..." Jared muttered, "How the hell-?"

"Any way. Any way we can." Sam's throat clenched as he walked with Leah in his arms a little closer towards the opening at the top of the pile. Once there, he stepped to the left where the shadows were the darkest and bent down.

God, no one would ever know the feeling he felt at having to put her down and step away from her.

He kissed Leah's forehead; looked into her open eyes.

"..What...?" She said to him, a low, broken whisper hindered by a sore throat. He forced a weak smile and kissed both of her cheeks.

"We have to go. Just for awhile." She grabbed his hand faster than he thought possible. "We'll be back; even if it fucking kills me Lee, I swear to god I'll be back." He kissed her forehead again. Sam had a guess that she knew why he had to leave her; her hand released his. Hell she could probably distinguish that dirty pack's scent after all the time she'd spent locked up by them.

One more kiss. He kissed her lips quickly and softly before he stood up and turned back round; stepped into the light and faced the sons of bitches below.

"Don't attempt the Alpha. He's mine. Tear all of them apart. Even the girl. Show no mercy. Fight as if it were a leech. Kill them all."

XXXXXX

The Cree pack stepped closer; watched the men from La Push step gracefully down over the rocky hill slicked with rain and dew. (Karl hoped they tripped.)

Once they were close enough that yelling and roaring seemed inappropriate Karl stepped up to them; about fifty feet from Sam and _holy fuck_ did he look pissed. Karl smirked to himself. The other Alpha may have gotten to the drop on him back at the cabin, but there was no way he would now.

They were outnumbered; massively. He wondered where the sickly sweet people who'd followed them disappeared to.

"So how's my little vixen? Still breathin'?" He asked. One second on the left's lips curled into an ugly marred sneer. One behind him had eyes that flashed with pain; probably related to Leah, they had the same dark blue pools.

"I would worry more about yourself." Jacob, Karl remembered him. He'd been the one to speak. But Karl was awaiting the tall one's words; Sam's. He wanted to know how _he_ felt.

Should be interesting. Karl tilted his head and shot his beta a look. (' _Get it ready.')_

But Sam never talked. His eyes were hard; furious and smoldering with the want, Karl knew to rip him limb from limb. But why didn't he voice it..? He hardly seemed like the silent type. He sure wasn't when he found Karl fucking the girl, that's for sure.

He did move, though; Sam nodded his head. And then he was the first one to phase into a snarling, growling beast. Karl marvelled at the sight of him. He was huge; a beautiful black storm cloud waiting to unleash all hell upon the earth. Sam was breathtaking, his silky midnight fur glimmering under the brilliant sun shining through a sliver in the darkened clouds. His eyes were calm. However, despite the tranquility in his gaze, the pack knew their leader's gaze was threatening as they heard the thoughts in his head.

_'Kill.'_

And that was the first moment Karl had felt uneasy, at the sight of the brilliant monster in front of him.

But he also knew that it wouldn't last long. (Reassured him to no end; lips curled into a wicked smile.)

Sam's brothers followed. The smallest one exuded less charisma then the others and more pain at the battle that was to be raged. But it wasn't visible once his detectable eyes became shrouded by a silver-sands type of fleshy toned fur. _Seth._ The one who'd looked the angriest, the most hostile was a large dark grey animal; teeth were dripping like he was hungry for blood. _Paul._ Another seemed pretty calm, despite his humongous size and still he was shorter than Sam. His thick brown fur did nothing to disguise the deadly glare in his eyes. _Jared._ Another was farther behind the others and was thinner; but he looked fast as lightning in his smokey fur complete with spots of black; a runner. _Embry._ The other Alpha was the last to phase; _Jacob_ , the one who'd talked. He exploded into a rusty mass of muscle and teeth, fur the same as his smooth russet skin. His eyes too, stayed the same; sweet and gentle even when angry. His gaze was one of pure intelligence as he surveyed the Cree pack.

All of them, machines meant to kill.

(But hey; weren't they all?)

The pack behind the brutal Alpha was carefully silent; Karl knew Brandon was scanning each of his opponents, waiting for the one who would make the first move and be the first to feel the familiar sting their pack sister had felt.

XXXXXX

' _They're not phasing, Sam... I don't like it.'_ Jacob thought; hackles on his red back huge and raised.

_'I don't either.. Something is off here but we don't exactly have the time to analyze the situation. I want them dead; gone, and that's it.'_

_'Aye aye, captain my captain.'_ Paul growled; he'd been primped for a fight since the very day Leah's necklace had been discovered upstairs.

_'Then let's go get them.'_

Sam's final thoughts sent the burrage of La Push wolves barreling towards the twelve humans, faces they didn't know with families perhaps but they were beyond the point of caring. After all; they'd been kind enough to destroy their's.

As soon as their paws hit the ground running Brandon's hand was shoved into his pocket again and he withdrew one syringe (where did they keep _getting_ those!?); poised and ready for action. The angrier one; Paul, he believed his name was all but leaped the black Alpha's head and jaws were open for Brandon; he skipped over Karl.

"Just a little closer you fucker."

Paul pretty much jumped into the needle; and by then it was too late because the attack had been launched. Jake's huge body was like a boulder as it slammed into three of the people behind them; perhaps one had been killed, nobody seemed to care but one had been quick enough to stick up an arm and _bam_ Jacob received his dose as well.

The brown one was coated in blood; he'd made a successful hit and Janice was screaming because the hit was Keith; he was still alive though, dragging himself back from a wounded leg as the chocolate wolf let out a high pitched howl and staggered backward (Leah all over again).

Then Embry; he fell next with a loud bark and his teeth ripping the syrine out of his massive front paw.

Karl turned around to see the action and came face to face with satan in black fur.

He was on the ground in less than a second and he could all but scream as Sam's terrifying teeth tore into his belly and broke a rib or two. Hell, Uley would've been able to do more hadn't Karl took advantage of Sam's timed strike.

He used two on Sam; figured he might need to. Two white needles stood out against the ebony carpet that was Sam's fur and fuck was that dog taking all the time he could take to tear Karl into shreds. Before he stopped to what was wrong even though the poison must've been tearing the wolf from the outside back into him by now he kept his claws moving and all but nearly slit Karl's throat.

Sadly though, he lived.

And as Sam finally stumbled backward off of him, his again-human arm pulling the needles out of his back with ease now, Karl sat up with a hand pressed to his bleeding neck; fuck, half of his ear was gone.

"Not so tough now, are yah Sammy..?" His grotesque voice echoed.

Sam's heart dropped; eyes bugged out as he looked at the syringes in his hand. He cursed; threw them to the meadow floor and looked around at the carnage.

Five of the Cree pack were dead; four nameless, Nathan fellow half torn apart. That meant seven remained.

Sam bit his lip as he gazed at his brothers.

Paul picking himself up from crashing into the wall of a rocky slope off to the side. Jake seething, finally as he rubbed his bleeding stomach. Jared was splattered with blood that was not his own but he was still just now standing again. Embry was on his knees, adjusting smashed fingers with hatred burning in his eyes. Seth must've been the last to get stabbed; only now was he phasing back with a howl.

"Now Sam; same thing I told Leah three weeks ago. Rest of your life can be easy; or it can go hard. Make your choice."


	21. Before The Storm

**AN:** My beta has said this is by far the worst, AND the best chapter of this story. Readers; you've been warned. This is the extremity; the barest prelude to the future. Try to enjoy reading ;) Thanks to cjfed95 and RenesmeeCarlieBlackxo.

* * *

It didn't get much worse than this.

There weren't many words you could use to describe the situation.. Helpless; horrible; tragic; useless.

But one word described the situation perfectly for the broken man who lay on the cold forest ground.

_Hopeless_.

They had failed again.

They were so sure.. They thought they'd prepared for everything, the majestic spirit warriors so confident, but of course they were wrong (they were wrong about a lot). The Cree soldiers had trapped them; used their own strengths against them and turned them into helpless fools fighting in a world where they didn't belong. The brave descrendants of the fearless Taha Aki lying around the dirty emerald trees, in the rain; hearts shattered.

Fighting for something that was probably already gone.

Sam's chest was filled with a soaring agony that sent his stomach into his throat and then back down into his bowels everytime he breathed; everytime he looked around and saw another member of his family mauled by their vicious enemies. His midnight eyes were somber as he came to the full realization of the helplessness they were in.

He thought about Leah, up near the cave who they'd done all of this just to find.... Was it too late now..? Had Sam lost her for good..?

A tear almost slipped down the planes of Sam's glorious face.

The thoughts scared him now more than ever because he had Leah in his grasp and he wasn't about to let those cocksuckers rip her away again. His lover had never,  _would_  never deserve the fate God had layed out before her; she'd never done a thing in her blessed life that would've justified the cruelties destiny dealt her.

And it burned Sam from the inside out because he thought he'd had a chance; his hope had bloomed the moment his claws swiped Karl's jugular and he saw the first pulse of crimson but then that fucker sat back up again.... And suddenly Sam was a meer man, sweating and hurting on the ground.

All of his brothers who could once be called proud dodged and raced around the open meadow, a useless tactic against the brute force of seven man-eating, woman-beating beasts who had their minds set on picking their teeth with the bones of the protectors of La Push.

..Their minds set on hurting the only thing important enough to barter their lives for...

Sam wished he could see inside his brothers' minds; know if they were as scared as he was. Not of dying... Scared for what they would leave behind.

Jared's eyes were dark and wise. He realized the grave situation they had found themselves in and when he met Sam's somber eyes, Sam saw the anguish there. Sam didn't need to be in his head to know his thoughts. The torture of knowing he would never see Kim again and that she would be sleeping alone at night..  
Jacob had watched Renesmee grow; turn into a beautiful young woman who he was slowly falling in love with. She meant the world to him, _she_ was his destiny, not this. He'd always feared she'd outlive him and now he might be right.  
Embry.. Sam's heart went out to him. The troubles in his life, the hand he had been dealt, it all seemed unfair. He needed time. To be happy. To find love.  
Paul; his eyes were mirrors into his soul despite the tough act he put on. He was thinking of that night.. The night Leah ran off. His chocolate eyes were smoldering, tears welling up at the thought that this had all been his fault, and that he would never see Rachel again.  
Seth... Young, innocent Seth.... This was unfair. He didn't deserve this. Sam would rather die a million times over just to give Seth a chance. To live, to love, to fight, to be happy. His life was stolen from him. Everything he fought for taken away from his grasp. His father, his human life.. Now he would lose his sister, his family, his pack, and his own life. It wasn't fair.  
Quil wasn't amongst them lying hurt; he was fuck knows where trying to get to them, hoping for a way out that they already knew had been crushed in some sick sense of dramatic irony.

The Cullens... Would they too fall? Would Leah be the end of all these people..?

"You're at a dead-end here, Uley. It's too late to go back now." Karl was standing with shredded clothes and bloodstained skin; he and Janice had been the only two left unphased (not that Janice could phase). She sat away from them; under the shelter of a cliff near a shallow river where Keith had stowed her for safe keeping. Karl stood before Sam with two rugged dirty brown wolves at his shoulders.

Sam just wanted to know why. And he didn't mean the breeding... He just needed to know why.

"Why would you do this...?" His voice came out softer than he'd predicted as if letting them know he'd given up; Sam Uley, undisputed, undefeated king of La Push hung his head.

"You know why." Karl spat, "That blonde fellow stole the book. Should be clear by now."

Sam grit his teeth; he probably wouldn't ever know more outside the obvious reasons. He had to be strong; now more than ever and after today, if he was a weak man he could be content.

"I won't let you hurt my family."

"We've already done that haven't we? Look around yah dumb fuck, not many of your men are still standing."

Jacob was on his hands and knees.

They all got up after being stuck with that goddamn medicine shit and they'd plowed with fists and kicks; teeth and claws were just better. Blood was running down Jake's tanned back; maybe a rib was cracked.

Embry was on his side; an arm twisted at an odd angle but he was gonna make it up.

Paul dragged himself closer to Sam; hard to walk on a splintered leg.

Jared was down on one knee; fist to the muck holding him up while blood ran down between his eyes.

Seth tried to get up and fell; tried to get up and fell.

"Only one left I s'pose is Leah. Now tell me Sammy, you stash her up in the mouth of the cave..? Or take her out back and shoot her like the bitch of a dog she is?"

The wolves behind Karl barked their laughter and Sam's blood boiled. He hissed out in pain as he forced himself to his feet. Where the hell were the Cullens!? Quil!?

Karl laughed out loud as Sam growled.

"She's probably dead already.. Sucks yah know if you pricks hadn't taken her away from the cabin, maybe she'd still be alive. She'd still be useful."

"She'll  _never_  be anything to you!" Sam snarled, venturing a step closer to Karl who in turn did nothing, but his packmates beside him growled a warning as they stood tall and proud over the two human males.

"Spoken like a true jealous lover." Karl smirked. "Well how about this sweetheart, want me to tell yah how tight your ex-girlfriend was when I fucked 'er or do you just have a small cock?"

Karl hit the ground as Sam launched his tanned body in a full-force tackle, the other Alpha's skull taking a hard smack against the wet meadow bottom. Sam's fists barely had time to flail, however, before he himself was taken backward by two devastatingly large dark brown paws. Sam's shoulder let out a hideous crack as it smashed against some waiting rocks, and the claws of Karl's teammate tore the skin on his chest. He let out a gasp in agony and opened his eyes to see the wolf's teeth inches from his face, breathing putrid breath that stung his eyes.

"Don't hurt 'em anymore than he already is!" Karl growled, grabbing a handful of the dark's wolf's fur and trying futilely to tug the animal away from Sam's chest. "When someone finally kills that asshole it's gonna be me."

The beast had growled his dislike, but he backed off.

"See, Sammy? My dogs are well-trained. They don't bite until their master tells them to." His grisly smirk was red from blood on his teeth, watching as Sam raised a red hand to place gingerly on his throbbing shoulder.

"You're nothing but a prick who needs to learn some respect.." Karl looked over at Paul, the tanned guy cradling his leg; perhaps the faint white of the bone amongst copper skin and torn flesh seen? The Quileute man was gritting his teeth so hard to fight screaming that he was out of enamel.

"What was that Paul??," Karl said, pacing fast the few meters away where Paul was sitting. "I  _don't think I heard you!_ " The angry Alpha raised his leg quickly and delved a swift kick to Paul's face, knocking the guy backward with a groan.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"Sam roared, "YOU DEAL WITH ME!"

"Watch yourself Sam.." Jake muttered, one eye swollen shut as he dragged himself to lean against some damp rocks. "Don't you dare get yourself killed."

That was trickly to do; considering none of them could phase to save themselves. It wasn't hard to figure out after the shot; those bastards probably did the same thing to Leah.

Karl laughed and walked back over to Sam. It seemed the sides of the field had been switched; now the pack was closer to the cave then the La Push crowd was and none of them liked it a single bit. They were getting forced further and further away from Leah; closer to the trees and the cliffs, where they'd be boxed in.

Trapped like rats.

"You know, you guys managed to steal that necklace back and maybe you got ahold of our book too but yah forgot this." He pulled the blue iPod out of his pocket; turned it on full blast and tossed it a few meters away from himself, onto the cold ground. "This battle could use a little rhythm, don'tcha think?" He smirked;  _fuck_  Sam was tired of it.

"But then again;" Karl continued, "This isn't much of a 'battle', is it..? Boys don't touch em; I'm finishin' em off myself." He walked closer after speaking to his pack and they backed away from the six injured men. Brandon phased back as well and sneered at them.

"Say goodbye."

XXXXX

'You gotta do this... You can do this.'

Leah heard their voices outside; heard music, for some strange reason it seemed so loud, and used the rocks that scratched and tore at her fingertips to drag herself closer to the mouth of the cave. Into the light...

_I know this isn't what I wanted..;_  
I never thought it'd come this far.  
Just thinkin' back to where we started..;  
And how we lost all that we are.

'You gotta help, Lee. They can't do it on their own...' She made it finally; suppressed a die-hard scream as rocks brushed her broken ribs and her hand screamed ferocity but she made it; cast her storm cloud eyes out over the battlefield. Saw the blood, saw the bodies.

She saw her friends, saw her  _family_ , lying and hurting and  _fuck_ they were in shit.. Those goddamned sons of bitches must've done the same thing to them that they'd done to her...

She wouldn't let them get away from it this time. She wouldn't sit back and watch them die; because they'd come for her. For some reason, when she felt Sam's kisses in the cave a small part of her realized that maybe they always would.

'Think, Leah... How long has it been..?'

_We were young and times were easy;_  
But I could see it's not the same..;  
I'm standin' here but you don't see me;  
I'd give it all for that to change.

'Enough.'

_And I don't want to lose her..  
Don't wanna let her go;..._

XXXXX

No. Sam, Jacob, Embry, Seth, Jared and Paul would've given anything they had if only they could change things. If only they'd stopped Leah from running into that storm and if only they'd changed  _themselves,_  before it was too late.

Now the end was past-due; or right on time...? There was no way of knowing. But as their eyes saw Karl phase into a giant; a monster unlike one they'd seen before (a black howling beast with no mercy, unlike Sam), their minds met in unison despite being human.

In it they saw what they would miss. What they would grieve despite their own endings. What they should've changed, and what they should've done to make this night different.

They cried.

Karl dove, sights set on throats.

From out of nowhere, like a noise in a silent world, there was a deafening scream of pain and torture and blood red and ominous splattered the rocks and the green blades of grass. Bones snapped further; breaks got worse and some were forced back together and then there was a howl unlike one they'd ever heard.

Karl got an inch from Sam and Seth before a silver wolf collided with him, the speed of a bullet.

_I'm standin' out in the rain;_  
I need to know if it's over,  
Cuz I would leave you alone.

"LEAH!!"

They screamed her name and she looked at them for no more than a second before forcing herself to bite harder down on the thick slab of flesh in her mouth. It was useless, of course.. Karl was larger than Sam when he was phased and Leah herself was the smallest wolf in her pack.

(Let's not forget the crucial life-threatening injuries she was working with.)

Everytime she darted, her vision swam before her eyes. Everytime she stepped and put pressure on her front paw a surge of pain bolted up her limb. Her back, where the bullet still lay embedded probably cracked another one of her ribs during her phasing.

Three weeks was up.

And she was tired of watching them hurt her family.

Leah could hear them as Karl bit and tore at her, her family behind the duo screaming her name and shouting out profanities to her opponent. Janice (Leah had seen spark from her periphery) was wide-eyed, stepping out of her shelter and running across the grass towards them.

It was clear to the hurt female wolf what she had to do.

(Anything for her family.)

_Protect._

Leah let loose a savage growl and tore a chunk out of Karl's hind leg before turning her back on the battle, spotting the shallow wall of rock behind the cabin and making a run for it. Head for the hills so to speak.. Anything to keep him away from who she loved most.

In reality Leah was ready to die. She was ready to go.  
But she would never be ready to see her brothers, her pack die too.

_Flooded with all this pain;_  
Knowing that I'll never hold her..  
Like I did,  
Before The Storm.

That goddamn iPod was still playing.

Karl had already run after her; she wasn't getting away. Dumb bitch didn't know what she was doing.. Up the hill lead only to the ridge above the small valley where they lived. She would be running in a circle; either that or crash to the rest of the forest on the opposite side.

His strides were double her's, and the rocks and sand of the cliffs were still wet from the storm. His thick paws scaled the old trail effortlessly, the hairs of her silver tail almost within grabbing distance.

_'Gotta say, Leah. You've got spirit.'_ But it was going to end. Karl would make sure of it. She'd been taken back, possibly touched by that other friggen Alpha and half dead; she wouldn't make it through childbirth now. Hell she wouldn't live till Spring.. It was easy to see in her fast limp, her dripping blood and the horrible wheezing when she breathed.

"NO! DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER!" Seth screamed and screamed and cried. Jared, Sam, Jake, Paul and Embry did as well. But they knew he.. Or she, wouldn't listen.

And then lightning cackled across the sky; a terrifyingly bright backdrop to the battling wolves at the top of the slender creek.

Rain plummetted to the earth.

Leah'd never been so scared in her life. Her paws were slipping on the muddy path, rocks and pebbles falling over both sides as she and Karl warred. They were both covered in blood and sadly most of it was probably her's. She bit at his throat; he tore through her ear. She scratched across his eye; he slashed a chunk out of her side. She hit the ground more than once.. Speed and sheer will propelling her upward again.

By some miracle, by  _anything,_  as the two fought up on that mountain Leah prayed for her brother, her lover and her friends below. To just be gone; gone and away from anything that could ever hurt them. But it was impossible, wasn't it..? She was prolonging the inevitable.. She would be finished for good, soon. And so would they.

She let out a sharp bark of pain as Karl's powerful black shoulder slammed her into the large boulders behind her. Cracks in the rocks scratched and tore at her fur as she slid down the broad facing, her movement becoming slower and slower as the pain overtook her system.

Karl had backed off a step or two; his hackles raised and tail standing straight, gory teeth bared and ready to end her once and for all.

"LEAH! PLEASE! DON'T!"  
"IF YOU HURT HER I'LL FUCKIN' KILL YOU!"  
"PLEASE DON'T HURT MY SISTER!"  
"LEAVE HER ALONE!"  
"DON'T DO THIS LEE!"

Multiple screams that she couldn't hear; voices that had become blurry because of the pain swimming in her head. Yet she still heard that music loud and clear? The only thing more distracting was the ground she walked on; her paws kept slipping, the rocks on both sides were loosening and the rain was becoming blinding..

_With every strike of lightning;_  
Comes a memory that lasts.  
And not a word is left unspoken;  
As the thunder starts to crash.

Then he dove at her again; it happened. A rock stationed on the opposite side of the ridge came loose; it had finally taken too much of a beating from the storm. It fell and began to roll towards the two wolves at a frightening pace, pieces of silver and dark grey flying this way and that.

Down below, hearts stopped.

Karl's wolves howled their fears. Janice ran over to the bottom but Brandon grabbed her arm.

"JUMP KARL!"

"GET BACK, THE FALL WILL KILL 'EM BOTH!"

Leah looked into those blazing black eyes one more time and saw the fear in them; thought about the fear in Sam's, her brother's... And she apologized from the depths of her heart before she leapt.

Karl jumped too.

_Maybe I, should give up..?_

_Standin' out in the rain;_  
I need to know if it's over.  
Cuz I would leave you alone.

_I'm flooded with all this pain;_  
Knowing that I'll never hold her,  
Like I did,  
Before The Storm.

The guys would say later that the sight of Leah and Karl falling from a height of like fifty feet, massive animals dropping hopelessly to the shallow creek below them was the scariest thing they'd ever witnessed in their lives.

"NO!" Sam had been the only one to talk as the two bodies collided with the water and ground below; and the rocks came falling after, burying them in a mass of black and grey and brown.

_Tryin' to keep, the lights from goin' out!_  
And the clouds are rippin' out my broken heart.  
They always say, the heart is not a home;  
Without the one who gets you through, the storm.

_Standin' out in the rain..;_  
Knowin' that it's really over.  
Please don't leave me alone..

It kept raining; the pack kept screaming; the thunder kept crashing.

_I'm flooded with all this pain;  
Knowin' that I'll never hold yah..  
Like I did, Before, The Storm!_

_Like I did... Before.. The Storm.._

The music stopped.

 


	22. All The Things I Didn't Do For You

**MS:** Hey y'all! Here's the fabulous chapter 21. Got some news to report on today. First of all this chapter's a little shorter than the rest; but it hits the spot I think. Secondly, has anyone read the roleplaying notice on my profile? If you haven't or if you're interested, PM me :) Third; I've gotten over my case of writer's block! :D At least, sort of. Haha. Chapter 24 is almost written and ready to go for my betas to pick at (love you ResnesmeeCarlieBlackxo and cjfed95 :) ), and soon after that will be the grand end of BTS. But lucky for you I've got another fic in the works ;) You guys voted for it; Leah having hot sex with all the members of the pack :p Hahaha. Message me if you want more upcoming details. For now, enjoy! Don't cry too much.

* * *

Everything was a mass of sound; and at the same time, a swirling, numbing haze that locked everyone in like the cage of rocks that had buried their sister.

Everybody was screaming... Names and threats, tears were pouring now like never before and once again the feeling of 'it's over it's over she's dead it's over' settled in; this time to stay. Sam would later say that he'd felt the world zoomed in the first time he looked into Emily's deep brown eyes, and nothing else mattered. But when he saw Leah fall and disappear the world went with her; everything fell through the cracks and Sam knew he could never pull it back again.. Never repair it. The hole that was left bleeding in his chest.

It was like everything was white; a scene on a movie too bright or a person walking out of a dark theatre into the sun. No one could look anywhere but up into the falling snow or down to their bleeding feet.

Not there.

Sam could hear; he knew he wasn't dead (he'd toyed with that notion, because he'd never felt less alive than he had now), and for some retarded reason his heart refused to let go of the feeling that she wasn't either; if it was still beating, her's had to be too.

The pack was screaming their throats hoarse; injured, bleeding men dragging broken bones and slashed skin to the pile of rocks that held what had saved them so far. They called out her name endlessly; even louder than their enemies screamed for Karl or the storm yelled as it fell to earth. The pack screamed; cried; ..Prayed.

'Leah! Oh god, no, Leah!'  
'Please get up Leah! You can't be dead!'  
'Leah!'  
'Help her!'  
'Please Lee... I love you so much.'

The boys continued to drag themselves and the ground caused their wounds to protest in agony but to care seemed like an impossibility; one task at hand and nothing else mattered. If by some divine miracle Leah was alive nothing would ever matter again.

Brandon and Janice were the first two at the rocks; digging and scouring at the hard stone to try and find some trace of their leader's black broken body. A breath; a hair; a speck of blood. They splashed about in the creek, rolling the grand boulders and making a racket as the wolves on the sidelines howled their sadness and the rocks clashed against one another.

Rain just kept beating down from above, replacing the white of the snowflakes.

Then finally, from out of nowhere there was a welcome crash.

A noise so earth-shattering it seemed to break the perspective bubble the grieving hearts were in and snapped every head in the clearing in the direction of the cave.

"..Jesus christ...." Quil stared with scared wide eyes as he and the Cullens finally emerged from their ignorance.

"HELP HER!" Sam all but roared and Edward was the first to hit the creek.

'Think carefully, Edward; pinpoint her thoughts.'

A moment later and he had them. Until Brandon growled and he lost them again! Edward turned in a deadly crouch, hands curved into sycles and teeth bared. When the last wolf able to phase did so and he along with six other vampires flanked the mind-reader's sides, Brandon stumbled back a step.

"Janice!" He called out, nearly falling as he scrambled out of the ankle-deep water and back onto the land, "We gotta get outta here! Fuck Karl! We can't beat all of them!" Brandon grabbed Janice's arm and she screeched.

"We can't leave him!" She pulled against the man to try and make her way back to the rocks but Brandon kept pulling and she was, after all, only human.

The other wolves in the Cree pack followed suit.

Once again, fire scoured the inside of Rosalie's cold metallic body and she wanted nothing more then to follow those cock-happy pricks and get the revenge for their possibly lost sister that she deserved. But, she needed to help. Leah's life came above everything else.

"FIND MY SISTER!.." The sorrowful scream from Seth's sore throat ruined the last bit of conscious thought Esme had, and she too began to roll and lift the mighty boulders looking for a sign of their comrade.

After all this.. Leah couldn't be gone. Not now.

"Please... Just help her..... Keep her alive..." Sam's mournful whisper seemed audible to Edward and Carlisle alone as the father and son duo dug maniacally at the rocks once more, creek water brown and muddy from the dirt and debris that had fallen from above.

One more rock.

Nothing.

Quil swiped and clawed at the murky sand and the creek bed.

Nothing.

It was the longest three minutes of Sam's life; watching the Cullens and Quil carefully remove all the foilage and the dirt and the rocks, trying to find his mangled, broken lover amongst the wreckage of the cliffs. Knowing that if they moved too quickly; shifted one the wrong way it would be the end of Leah indefinately; if it wasn't too late already...

Salvation came during the fourth minute. (Huh; it was then that Sam noticed, for some reason, the iPod had stopped playing. The storm... Hah; it barely seemed worth noticing at all even though the white specks continued to flutter to the ground. The sky just couldn't seem to make up it's mind; depressing drizzle or spearing snowfall.)

Sam's heart shattered into a million pieces when Edward moved the final boulder; saw her there, lying in the murky water. Her nose and snout were barely above the shallow pond, the water around her obtaining a grisly red tint like a shark had undergone a feeding frenzy.

Edward and Carlisle didn't even flinch as they knelt down beside her.

Her heart was still beating. Fuck, her eyes opened and Sam's world began to piece itself back together again.

"Leah...." Her stormy greys were half-lidded and hazy; like someone who'd been given too much novocaine at the hospital. ..Or someone who was fading fast.

Her silver fur, normally so soft and beautiful was crimson in color and matted, soaked and ripped. A broken excuse for something majestic and it burned Sam to the bone; crushed Seth like the boulders nearly had his sister and just damaged the souls of everyone else around them.

(If there was another sight more damaging, no one could've named it.)

Leah stared up at them through ocean blue eyes, and swear to god Sam thought she tried to smile; a weak attempt at an  _'I'm okay'_ as she lifted her suddenly too-heavy head out of the creek water only to have it drop back down again.

Quil released a terrible whine into the windy air, dashing into the water beside his vampire comrades and pressing his nose to the side of Leah's head, shoving her, nudging her anything to make her get up.

She tried; the sound of snapping bones that only Edward and Carlisle could hear tore their hearts apart and she fell down again on her shaking, hurt legs.

"Carlisle.. She's not going to make it if we don't get her home, now. The storm is something we have to face we can't avoid it any longer." Edward spoke in a growl and he knelt quickly down like some blurred mirage and began to lift the injured wolf's body into his arms. "Leah... You need to phase back..."

"Be careful Edward, the wrong bones take much more of a shattering and it could kill her." Carlisle had his diamond teeth in padlocks as he knelt too, sliding a hand over Leah's red stomach and rib cage, wincing at the broken whimper that escaped her.

"Help her... Please..." Rosalie turned her head and looked at Sam and could've cried. It was like watching her own brother all over again... At that point in time when the outlook was not so great; Renesmee still in Bella's stomach and tearing her mother apart unknowingly. Sam was her brother once; the burning man.

The only one who looked worse was Leah's brother and Rosalie couldn't bear to look at him.

"Don't let her die... Please Carlisle..." The young boy spit out, amidst a mass of tears and sobbing that until now was unheard to the patrons in the field.

Carlisle's will clenched; Leah had one shot.

A shot they must take.

"Edward is right I'm afraid Leah... You must phase back. I know it'll be difficult but it's your only chance."

Leah's eyes squeezed shut amongst the silver fur, and as she let her anger and despair course through her to allow her to phase Jasper let out a hideous hiss of pain and turned away; the whole pack, the whole coven felt it; this amazing withdrawal of the pain she'd been holding back, both emotional and physical and now it poured out like a floodgate gone awry. Like the rain poured from the sky.

The pain and the hurt practically knocked Sam off kilter; tipped the leader's balance moreso despite his shattered leg and torn up chest and he nearly fell to the side. But gritting those teeth Sam knew he needed to get to her now. (He refused to think that part of the reason was because this may be the last time he saw her.)

'One hand forward; pull. Lift your good leg; push.'

The broken bone screamed ferocity as it was dragged across the forest floor but Sam didn't care once again; his heart thrummed one rhythm and one need only; _leahleahleah._

Sam could feel his pack burning alongside him, trying their best to follow his lead like always because they always thought he knew what was best; did he really..?

The man was about three feet away from her when the wolf's howl of agony turned female human again and now the naked teenager lay ravaged amongst the rocks.

"Leah..!" Her name left his lips like a prayer to the lord as he made one final push and fought through his own pain, rising up on two legs without a shred of dignity and not a care in the world accept for her; she who was being lifted into Edward's stone cold arms. Leah's eyes were shut again and he didn't like that.

"LeeLee..." He murmured, a one-legged stride towards her until he caught the good doctor's shoulder and used the blonde as support. He stared down at her and never had Sam felt such pain. His tanned hand automatically made the short journey to her scratched up cheek (couldn't flinch away from her coldness even though he wanted to) and finally let his own wave of tears flow freely.

"Sam... We don't have time."

Alice's words were proven correct in the blood dripping down Edward's forearm to pool on the wet grass below.

Sam's heart did that flipflop thing; the one where it soars into your throat and then suddenly feels like it's gonna fall out your ass the next and it's one of the worst feelings in the world.

"Leah... You can't leave me. ..Please;.... I love you, so much.... Please."

What else could the man do, but beg..? But Leah didn't respond; more of that labored, ragged, bleeding breathing that filled Sam with death's cold shiver.

Rosalie's cold hand touched his shoulder again. Then she, Jasper, Esme, Alice and Emmett launched themselves into the task of doing what they could for the rest of Sam's pack behind him. Quil phased back in a storm of flying fur and he was already crying; knew better than to approach Sam or the sister he'd hurt so much and helped the other vampires. Sam looked from Carlisle's face to Edward's.

For some reason he actually felt like the vampire thought he understood.

Sam knew he wasn't even close as the two suddenly sped off into the night; disappearing into the far-off mist and taking his hopes with them.

Sam knew she'd given up.

 


	23. Our Endless Numbered Days

**MS:** Hey y'all.. It's sad that there are only like, 3 chapters plus an epilogue left to this story huh? That's all fine and good, I do suppose; I don't know how many of you can keep handling the cliff-hangers lol. This chapter's a little solemn; little nostalgic in it's depression, almost... I think if you youtubed the song you'd catch the mood perfectly. Hopefully though, if my betas and I have done our jobs that won't be necessary; haha, enjoy guys.. The best you can in this situation.

* * *

The battle had lasted into the Twilight.

Adding to that the hours the guys needed to heal, it was early morning again by the time they could all pick themselves up off the ground with nothing but a faint wince and haul their beat-up asses back to Forks.

More scars; faint, white lines amongst copper pecs and tanned limbs. Memories of a painful ordeal and Sam prayed those would be the only reminders the pack carried with them after that day.

Leah  _had_ to be okay.

They ran once more.

Embry, Jacob, Paul, Quil, Jared, Seth and Sam plowed through snow drifts half washed away by rain; skittered over ice that cracked with every step and scaled the steepest hills this time knowing for a  _fact_  (this wasn't like the first time... The first time they ran on speculation alone.), that Leah was dangerously close to slipping away forever.

The Cullens had run ahead hours ago... Rosalie's morbid curiousity could wait no longer for their companions to recover and so they followed after Edward and Carlisle.

The pack had stayed in their positions for hours after they'd left, as their wounds healed and closed, bones regrowing slowly but surely. Sam had dropped down beside Leah's brother, and god Seth was crying so hard.

Sam didn't know he was too until Seth looked up at him.

_"Don't worry Sam... She'll be okay..... Leah's always okay....."_

It was around nine AM when the boys skidded to a stop out in front of the large Cullen manor; lights dimly blazing inside. They always were, weren't they..?

Sam phased half on a bolt up the steps, his previously-broken leg was still stiff and sore but god be damned was the Alpha going to let it slow him down as he shuffled through the door with the youngest member of the pack hot on his tail.

Heads looked slowly up at him; not surprised he'd shown, of course, vampiric hearing was just as good as their's...

Bella was on the couch, bottom lip pulled between her teeth (the move that always meant bad news) and her dark brown hair was frazzled despite her now ever-perfect appearance. Renesmee sat beside her mother, golden eyes were trained on the windowed walls and didn't budge toward her imprint, or his shaking friends. It chilled Jake to the core.

Esme stood by the foot of the stairs; moved moreso to the middle with Rosalie at her side and their faces were depressed, yet adamant. Emmett and Jasper were not in sight; nor were Edward or Carlisle but the thick smell of blood from upstairs that had possibly driven the weaker Cullen brothers away was the only clue Sam needed to know where Leah was.

The silence in the room was devastating.

Sam grit his teeth (he was starting to get a toothache) and began meagre steps forward, towards the stairs. Alice appeared from a room out of the hallway; a stack of clothes in her arms and she walked -not  _skipped,_  or razzed- over to them like the usual pixie-like girl did and began to hand out pairs of pants.

Sam and Seth hurriedly pulled their's on before continuing on their way toward the steps.

Rosalie placed her arm on the railing, effectively blocking their way.

"...You don't want to go up there." Her voice was soft; her voice was strong like a mother protecting a child, or a calm reprimand.

"Why...? Is she alright!" Fear spiked under Sam's skin; a foreboding feeling of dread like the same mood the storm set in him the moment it touched down in La Push and it made his flesh crawl.

"...She's... She's not yet stable..." So much fucking hesitation in their voices.. It made Seth want to jump at them, scream and cry and strangle Esme to make her words pour out faster.

"Then why can't we see her! I need to see my sister!" Seth cried out, shaking as he fought back the urge to become the beast he'd been before.

"Seeing her might be a bit much right now..." Esme continued, "Leah's... Leah's not well."

_'No fucking shit. No goddamn way. She only got raped and beaten and plummeted from a two-story cliff. Well fucking done you dumb broad,'_ Paul seethed, his fingers clenching and unclenching.

"I don't give a shit, I need to see her!" Sam roared, his voice taking on the alpha timbre that suited him so well; ..Gave him the impression of bravery when everyone in the room knew he was speaking so loud only because his fear inside screamed so much louder.

"Please Sam... If you'd just-"

The door creaked open upstairs. Edward's voice.

"Sam.... Please, come up here. Seth you may come as well."

The duo pushed past the female vampires at the front and began to climb the spiralling staircase into the dim, dreary hallway above. They passed the stacked graduation caps; barely spared the multicolored facets a glance and kept their eyes trained on the simple path in front of them.

(Why did it feel like they were walking the plank?....)

Seth could feel his brothers, still down below, eyes burrowing into his back as they prayed for good news; prayed for relief and understanding and forgiveness from everyone around them. Seth didn't know why he now ventured so easily into their thoughts... Maybe those days in the cave around nothing but everyone's raw emotions really did let you get to know a person.

Seth just wished it could've been under better circumstances.

Soon they saw Edward waiting for them; a tall paleness against a near-black hallway as they walked further into the darkness. Light slithered out from under a shut door which he stood beside.

"She's in here..." Edward gently pushed the door open, and Leah's family stepped inside.

The fifteen year-old boy let out an immediate sob that he brought the back of his hand up to stifle; wanted to turn and run but Sam grabbed his shoulder to steady his own footing and they were rooted to the spot.

Too many machines were next to her, as she lay in bed... There was an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth and her eyes were closed. Leah's beautiful black hair was strewn about the pillow, obviously cleaner like she'd been bathed but at the same time it only made the injuries stand out more; made it so obvious how all the wrongs didn't belong. The radio was playing softly.

Two IVs were hooked into her arms; unknown fluids and medication hanging from banana bags on what looked like coat hangers. The covers of the bed were pulled over her, up to under her armpits where the barest edge of white bandaging could be seen.

Her chest moved so, so slowly up and down.... Sam feared it would stop like her father's had. (Almost helping his own heart squeeze the life out of itself.)

_There are times that walk from you, like some passing afternoon.  
Summer warmed the open window, of her honeymoon._

Even under the sweeping covers, Sam could tell how much she'd changed. Her wrists even seemed smaller, obvious weight loss a little much to take even if he had seen it back in the cave. The scratches on her cheek were treated.. Two or three crimson red little lines remained and her head had a bandage too, near the back only faintly visible from the small angle Leah kept herself to sleep in.

The boys could only assume about the huge ace bandage covering the bullet wound from the back.. Sam wondered if Carlisle had gotten that small metal piece of death out after all.

_And she chose a yard to burn, but the ground remembers her;_  
Wooden spoons, her children stir her, bougainvillea blooms.  
There are things that drift away; like our endless numbered days.  
Autumn blew, the quilt right off the perfect bed she made.

Finally, he took a vacant step towards her.

"Lee.... Leah...." Sam murmured, his strong voice now seeming like a distant memory though he'd used it only a few seconds ago. The tall man dropped into the chair Edward left by her bedside; his hand automatically took her's. It too was bandaged tightly.

"Oh my god... Sis.." Words seemed to hard to find.

"I've been... Skimming her mind, during the brief instances of consciousness she managed to maintain. But as of right now, her body has lapsed into a coma-like state of unawarness... A speculated conclusion of the stress, injury, exhaustion and malnutrition."

_Stress. Injury. Exhaustion. Malnutrition._

Evil, evil words designed to hurt his sister; used to describe her brokenness and label her problems. The four words burned Seth to the core because before, these words seemed unlikened to Leah's vocabulary.

They should never,  _never_  be needed to commentate his sister and it burned the youngest Clearwater to the core; swallowed up his spirit in a dark well of animosity and self-directed anger. A whole lotta loathing for a young boy.

"...What kind of things has she been thinking..?" Sam muttered; his exterior had once again softened to a depressing fog.

_And she's chosen to believe, in the hymns her mother sings.  
Sunday pulls it's children, from their piles of fallen leaves._

"..It's been like a movie reel; a slideshow of video clips..."

Sam bit his lip.

"She's been replaying a series of events, I do suppose... It's heartbreaking." Sam could probably name every single moment; could see them flying through his LeeLee's broad mind that had suddenly shrunk so much to accomodate pain and pain alone. The Alpha could list every single time; every moment where Leah's heart cracked just little more.

"What sorta stuff has she been seeing..?" Seth asked, eyes brimming with unshed tears that the word 'heartbreaking' managed to dredge up again.

' _She's definitely seeing the night we broke up..'_

"She re-imagines the night Sam broke up with her, often.." The oldest Cullen child looked at Sam wearily; Sam squeezed his eyes shut.

_'Check.'_

He thought some more.

_'The first time I saw Emily... On the beach, at the fire.'_

"Emily's visit."

_'Check.'_ Sam buried his face in his hands.

_There are sailing ships that pass, all our bodies in the grass.  
Springtime calls her children 'till she lets them go at last._

"I've seen her contemplate leaping over the La Push cliffs... Diving headlong into the currents and never coming up again."

That one was the roughest and it tore the cries from both of the wolves' throats. The signs... How had they missed the signs!... How had they not spoken up, or noticed the silence? ...How do you miss someone you love, dying...?

Seth and Sam could not fathom the unthinkable; couldn't deal with the turning point of their own wrong actions. Not enough to think out loud that they'd taken the girl they both loved for granted for far too long.

Long enough to kill her.

Leah must have felt so trapped... Felt so alone even amongst a sea of people who actually loved her, all because they themselves were too damn stupid and fucked in the head to take notice. She would die for them; she  _has_  died for them. ...Just couldn't stay any longer.

_And she's chosen where to be, those she's lost her wedding ring;  
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of, bougainvillae seeds._

Sam's own mind drifted anxiously into overdrive as he imagined the love of his life standing on the rocks above the raging waters and staring down into the dark abyss; a cold, lonely mouth waiting to swallow up her tiny self and never spit her out again. And Leah would not put up a fight.

He imagined what she'd felt;  _how,_  she felt. Even now.

Perhaps something akin to the worst moment of his own life..? The times where he too, had sought a way out; a want for something better and for discontinuation. For Sam, it had been the gun his father had left behind; one of the only posessions of the memory of Joshua Uley.

For his Lee, the precious gift he'd tossed aside like jewellery to a toddler, the way out was the ocean that she loved so much.

True, that she'd never spoken to him directly of her longing for the deep blue sea but he could see it sometimes, when the sun caught her eyes just right and the wind blew her beautiful hair just so; the color of her pools seemed to match the waves she watched so intently and he could practically see her itch with the want to jump in.

Sam had just never known she'd wanted to disappear forever.

_There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all;  
Winter tucks, her children in her, fragile china dolls._

Three years, almost; here sat Samuel Uley, nineteen years old. There, in bed, was Leah Clearwater; seventeen years young. They were 'official' when she was twelve and he was just about fourteen. They ended when she was fourteen; the year Sam phased but he was sixteen then. Leah had just turned fifteen when Sam phased... God, why did all these dates matter...? Why did Sam feel the need to clock every second and minute of their time together, the weater and the hour on the day their closeness came to an end..?

Sam Uley and Leah Clearwater were together for two years; preteen and teenage romance. They talked about marriage. And kids, and had sex, and kissed and had so much fun and they cared about eachother like you wouldn't believe.

Then it was suddenly the best (sadly) and one of the worst days of Sam's life all at once.

Introducing fifteen year-old Emily Young; fourteen-year old Leah's Makah rez cousin.

Time began to drag by after that.

Leah knew something was up, Sam knew that she knew; he cared, but not enough to stop sleeping with Emily.. Stop seeing her, kissing her... He felt complete and couldn't look away when her deep brown eyes begged his for recognition. He cheated, on the love of his life (stupid stupid stupid prick) for three weeks before he got the balls to look Leah in the eyes and tell her he didn't love her; but he did.

And that was the worst day of Sam's life.

And the worst day of her's; ...Not after this probably, but it was before.

"Edward.... Is she gonna be okay..?" Seth's voice came out a sob; his throat congealing so much emotion the boy felt like he was about to choke on it.

....How did Edward tell them..?

"..We don't know... Carlisle thinks it... Unlikely... That she'll survive past the next few days.. Luck permitting."

Seth fell to his knees and Sam hit his knee with enough force to almost reshatter the bone.

"No...."

Their thoughts chased Edward out of the room; he left them to greive.

_But my hands remember her's; rolling 'round the shaded ferns._  
Naked arms, her secrets still like, songs I'd never learned.  
There are names across the sea, only now I do believe;  
Sometimes with, the windows closed she'll sit and think of me.

Sam was crying, but, he was silent.

Seth took notice after what seemed like half an hour of beating his fists against the cold linoleum floor and looked up at his Alpha. Why did he feel like, he needed to know if Sam was okay...?

So many questions and no one knew the answers.

"Sam.... Sam you..?" Seth couldn't bring out the words; he didn't know how Sam understood but he had the feeling that he did.

"..Please.... Seth, I know I have no right; I'm more of an enemy to her then those pricks we let get away will be any day. I've hurt her more than she could take and I swear to god I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making it up to your family... Even though it will do no good. ...But please.... I need some time alone with her."

Sam's words sunk in deep; almost as deep as Edward's heartbreaking news and Seth felt like his hands and knees were frozen to the floor as he tried to pick himself up to leave Sam with his dying sister.

His  _dying_  sister.

"Please...." He begged again and Seth only now heard a tone so different from any word his alpha had ever spoken before. This was not proud Sam; king of La Push. Boyfriend extraordinaire with martha stewart as his wife and a kid on the way.

This was a man gone cold; a boy in black at a funeral with no one to say goodbye with.

_But she'll mend his tattered clothes; and they'll kiss as if they know..  
A baby sleeps in all our bones so, scared to be alone...!_

Seth got up, wiped his nose and didn't bother with his eyes and walked out.

Sam heard the door shut, brought her broken hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly. He let out a heart-wrenching sob.

 


	24. It Was Us

**MS:** Hi guys.. Sorry for the late chapter, my beta ended up with a delay. Anyway, I think this chapter's really gonna pull at your heartstrings.. Maybe in a bad way, maybe in a good. It all depends on how you take it I guess. We're gettin' closer and closer to the end my friends :) The long road out of eden. Try and be a little patient with me; and I hope you like this chapter. :) Please review if yah don't mind, and try to keep up some hope.

* * *

Seth came back downstairs; dropped into a chair and within a few minutes the rest of the pack had heard the news. Sue had been called, as well as Billy and Charlie and the Forks police department. They wanted to come over; get a statement like pronto but thank fuck for Esme's restless guilt and determination because she sure told them where they could shove their notepads and pens.

They needed to be alone.  
This one last time.

Besides.. What was the pack supposed to say, anyway..?

_'Hey coppers, yeah so here's the deal; these guys took our friend away and raped her because they wanted her to get pregnant and have babies for them that'll turn into these big giant wolves. But anyhow we all turned into giant wolves ourselves and we went to go get her back but we got trapped in this cave in Canada for like fucking who knows how long and then once we found a way out those pricks were waiting for us so we pretty much got into an all-out war; and Leah our friend pretty much saved our asses despite being barely alive. But now we're back because our friends the vampires brought Leah home to treat her. ...Oh, and yeah the bad guys got away.'_

Yeah that would fucking fly, too right?

(Well it would with Charlie; but he was one man.)

But, above all else the pack barked at anyone who spoke of the police to shut up... It wasn't really up there on their lists, yah know, with someone they loved dying upstairs...

Thoughts were in a million different places.

Embry wanted to just run up there and apologize before it was too late; kiss her cheek and sit with her for awhile. But Sam had that position occupied so he and the rest of the pack were sitting down in the living room, dangerously near to the foot of the steps and watching and waiting.

They stared at that closed door, but, they saw so much behind their eyelids that it shocked them.

_He was always teased for it. The only ones who didn't tease him were Seth Clearwater, his big sister, Jacob Black and Sam Uley._

_The rest of the school was wired right into the gossip and he didn't get through a day without hearing about his suspected parentage._

_"Hey Call! Found daddy yet?" It was one day after school, he was barely twelve. It was this guy, Shane; grade-A asshole in every department except for schoolwork. He was in the same grade as Embry, nearly every class and a lot bigger than him._

_Embry never knew what to say, so.. He just sorta walked on, tried to ignore it. One day it went too far; farther than it usually does and Shane just upped and shoved him into the lockers in the hallway. "Yah ever gonna fuckin' answer me kid or wha'? I'm tired of seeing you around the school. You know, this reservation is for_ _**families** _ _, not dirtbags who can't even afford a dad."_

_Embry wasn't that poor... He wasn't rich; but he wasn't poor. No one on the rez was really rich.._

_"I'm not poor... And it's not my fault I don't know who my dad is!" Shane wasn't gonna hear it, shoved him into the lockers again and this time he made sure he did it in front of the girl Embry liked. She laughed too as he dropped his books._

_"Shane are you torturin' kids again?" It was a high voice; ultimately female and when Shane stepped aside Embry recognized her immediately. It was Seth Clearwater's older sister, she lived nearby and Sam invited her outside with them occasionally. Shane laughed in her face._

_"You're a kid too you little stunned fuck!" She cocked her head to the side._

_"Would a kid do this?" She hauled off and punched him in the face so quickly with her little hand that at first everyone sorta laughed; though it became apparent then that she really had taken Shane by surprise, as he moved his hand away from his nose and blood dripped to the floor._

_"Embry do you wanna walk me home?" Embry was in shock, staring at this little thing in front of him who just grew the balls to belt Embry's bully in the face._

_"Uh, sure..." He walked out of the school with her and he thought maybe yeah; he finally understood Sam._

Embry never spoke a word; his gaze was trained on the darkness of the long hallway and he kept it there. He started biting his lip though.

Quil sat with his back against the wall and his eyes on the floor, instead of the beckoning, looming door in front of him. He thought about Claire; surely she and her mom would've heard the news by now and they were probably sitting awake at their table, waiting for the final swan song call that would justify the end..

Quil clenched his fist. He knew she was just a child, but.. Claire gave up so easily sometimes and her mother was no different. ..He thought about the girl who doesn't, despite his best efforts, and Quil had to think back; search for something he thought would've been evil hard to find..

He found it in seconds.

_He opened all his presents and he was pleased, yeah; but at the same time, just a tad bit disappointed._

_Quil had his eye on this brand new Bench jacket; it was black with the orange Bench logo going up the arm and zipper, and it was ultra-thick and warm for days when he wanted to ride his dirt bike._

_His mom or dad didn't get it; neither did his alpha; or Jake or Embry, his two best friends._

_Quil felt sorta dumb, actually; he'd mentioned the jacket a lot of times, brought it up occasionally and he was sure one of his packmates would've caught on. Apparently he was wrong. Maybe they just didn't wanna spend the money...? The Bench jacket_ was _a good one hundred and fiftey dollars without taxes._

_He really did expect Sam or Jacob, even maybe Paul because he rode dirt bike too, to come through for him. He couldn't expect Seth to get it, the kid was like fourteen and without a job; he didn't even invite Leah because honestly; they didn't like eachother enough to want to celebrate his birthday._

_At least that was what he though; until all his guests had arrived for the little supper and yet there was a knock at the door. When he opened it, there stood Leah Clearwater, arm outstretched with a gift in her hand._

_"Here," she muttered, thrusting the gift into his chest before stepping backward off his step._

_"Uh... Thanks Leah, you gonna come in..?"_

_"No, I got shit to do. Yah know, happy birthday." She shrugged then and turned around and walked away._

_Quil shook his head, turned back around himself and went back to the party._

_"Who was that?" Paul asked._

_"Leah..." Quil looked down at the gift in his hand and unwrapped it._

_It was the jacket._

_XXXXX_

The radio was still playing.

She couldn't leave now... No. It wasn't fair. Fuck, not a thing that had happened in her life was fair...

Sam kept her cool hand pressed against his hot cheek; waiting, praying, for a sign that somehow she would be okay.

That the heart monitor in the room that went beep occasionally (hardly heard over the wind outside and the music) would speed up; that her skin would get it's beautiful color back. Sam wished he could hear her soft, musical voice again. How he yearned to see her stormy eyes open and her gaze come upon him.

_You should have seen by the look in my eyes, baby;_  
There was somethin' missin'.  
You should have known by the tone of my voice maybe;  
But yah didn't listen.  
You played dead;  
But you never bled;  
Instead you lay still in the grass,  
all coiled up and hissin'.

Sam could say it was the most he'd thought about in his entire life; the hardest times he had to recall and the harshest truths he finally had to face. He and his brothers.

Time to owe up.

If only she would-

There was the softest whimper from the bed; then two stormy blue eyes opened hazily.

Sam's heart skipped a beat; thought maybe her's did too but he didn't know for sure. He let the shallow beeping in the room disappear under the music's rhythm as his jaw grew slightly agape and he swallowed roughly; thank jesus.

"Lee..."

Tears began to fall down Sam's tanned cheeks instantly and she looked over at the sound of his beautiful voice. The warm liquid fell to her fingertips, and she flexed them; Leah mouthed his name.

He swallowed again.

"You... You can't leave."

Leah sighed.

XXXXX

Jared's foot tapped idly on the hardwood floor; the glossy shine acast from the only light in the room his target as he swirled his tongue around his dry mouth, anything to relieve the want to scream and cry and beg.

This couldn't be happening... Everything was.. It was  _okay_  before.

_He fought the urge to growl as loud as his dogs as he walked the rainy sidewalk._

_He loved her, god he adored Kim; but sometimes she was so goddamned ridiculous that it made him want to tear his hair out. Even when she knew the friggen truth about his destiny, about his obligatory duties to his pack and reservation as a protector, she still always found something to complain about._

_This time it was the fact that he spent too much time at Emily's._

_'She and Sam are getting married soon I think,' she'd said, 'they don't need you there all the time to destroy any time together they might have; and besides there's a lot of stuff around the house that needs to be fixed that I'm sure you could spend your time doing instead of playing housepet.'_

_Cajun, his bright red sheep dog turned and barked at Jared like he sensed his master's distress as the duo trotted down the slick La Push road._

_Jared was so friggen tired of arguing with her._

_Then when he heard footsteps coming up behind him he knew instantly he wasn't in the mood to deal with anything; let alone the bitchiest chick on the rez and that was exactly who came jogging by._

_"...What do you look so angry about?" She asked, chest heaving as she slowed to a walk beside him, completely drenched from the rain and pulling out her iPod headphones._

_"Nothing that's your concern." He snarled back at her, tightening his grip on the leash he held in his hand._

_Leah rolled her eyes in that familiar way and Jared honestly expected her to call him a dick. But he was wrong, surprisingly._

_"Lemme guess; Kim's riding your ass again am I right?"_

_Jared almost stopped and tripped over a stone. "How did you know?"_

_Leah shrugged, rainwater dripping from her saturated hair as it clung to her chest and back. "Everytime you and Kim get into a fight you take the dog for a walk; or kick something, one of the two."_

_Jared huffed; when he thought about it she was right. Since when had she found the time to examine him?_

_"Look I don't appreciate you butting in on me and Kim's-"_

_"I don't have time to sit down with you and have a sweet little heart to heart about this, so I'll just tell yah that if you need to talk you can come find me." She didn't say anything else, leant down and patted Cajun's head who barked like he was thrilled to see the girl and then she was off ahead of him again, running her body into the ground with her oh-so-impressive speed._

Jared had to admit; he was pretty surprised. Not once had she ever expressed any concern for his personal issues, or had ever mentioned him getting into it with his imprint. But apparently she knew.

Maybe Leah saw everything.

Paul was toying with similar motions as he counted the seconds that passed.

'One... Two... Three...'

'Seven thousand, nine hundred and eighty one... Seven thousand, nine hundred and eighty two...'

It was like timing his own deathbed as he listened intently to the low rhythm of the music from the other side of the door. He sat in the darker section of the hallway; even now it was hard to meet the eyes of his packmates; the eyes of his brothers, his accusors; for he had been the worst to Leah; outside of Sam.

Now that he truly had reason and time to sit back and think about her she'd never done a thing to him outside of her smartass comments and god knew that was only to protect herself. A self-imposed shield... Leah'd needed one, with the way Paul treated her... With a grunt he slammed the back of his head into the wall behind him.

Pain; how ironic was it that it could ease, but at the same time still be  _pain_..?

Paul's teeth clenched inside his jaw; he needed to concentrate on the better times. Though they were hard to find, especially inside of his thick skull;... He needed them. He needed to know that every waking moment he'd shared with Leah hadn't been all bad and that he could say his grief for her wasn't just some stupid emotion rubbing off from the rest of the pack.

(monkey see monkey do..)

Closing his eyes as tightly as he gritted his teeth, Paul tried to relive the one moment that even held a light inside the dusty, dark box that was his brain.

_Dodge left. Jump right._

_Survive._

_Simple rules of the game when that red-headed leech's newborn vampire army decided to make La Push and Forks a very public feeding ground. Of course, Sam dispatched the pack to help out and that meant dealing with the Cullens._

_But it also meant something else; dealing with Leah._

_(Paul thought he'd rather the Cullens.)_

_Sam and Jared tagged up as they usually did, against two pale-faced ravenous vamps that looked like twins and Embry had one of his own to deal with, as did Quil; so that left Paul having to take on the three vampires in front of him with Miss Bitch herself; Leah Clearwater._

_Just the presence of the chick constantly irritated him; let alone fighting alongside her. Yeah what's it called? Back-up?_

_Pssh yeah she'd back up alright.. Back up and let those friggen vampires chew his furry ass to pieces._

_Paul honestly didn't have a lot of time to muse over his fighting partner; it wasn't long before the two grey wolves were tackled head on and taken head over paws, face-planting into the muddy ground like ragdolls. He was on his feet in an instant, of course; but to his surprise Leah was up before him; teeth bared and snarling._

_Leah was smaller than he was, actually smaller than all the guys were, even her kid brother; on top of the simple fact that she was a girl. In all complete honesty Paul didn't even like the thought of the pack relying on her as a protector. Yeah he sounded sexist; he didn't really care. But he did know one thing; if Leah got injured in that battle he didn't want the fault to come down on his head because knowing Sam he would be sure to get the full tilt of the blame._

_So as Paul saw the vamps' gazes center on his smaller companion he couldn't help but feel extra protective; maybe a little less over his own ass then he would've expected. So, before they had the chance to gang up.._

_Paul let loose an ugly growl and leapt forward; clean over the silver wolf's head and took his stance in front of her. He hoped she'd get the message; he hoped falsely._

_Leah released a growl of her own and Paul could hear her mentally preparing to chew him out._

_He was_ so  _not in the mood. So instead of giving the she-bitch a chance he tackled both vampires at once; tried not to howl out his pain when their hands like razors slashed at his sides and easily tore flesh._

_And when those vampires threw him to the ground, it wasn't the voice that he expected to call him off in his head._

_It was Sam._

_'Paul that was a wreckless and ridiculous move! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Because the pack has no room for pointless martyrs so smarten the hell up and work as a team!'_

_Paul had no choice but to fall back at his Alpha's harsh voice, and step away from the two vampires to stand beside his common enemy again._

_Her blue eyes looked at him; accusing him._

_Her eyes didn't match her mouth._

_'Yah know I would've thought that was sorta sweet if you weren't such a dick the rest of the year round. ..Thanks I guess.'_

_Sam snarled in their minds._

_'Leah don't encourage him!'_

_Paul anticipated the famous Leah eye-roll, which she did, but he was still somewhat taken by surprise. Those were the first kind words the girl had ever spoken to him; well, since Sam left her, anyway._

_Apparently she appreciated him a bit more than she let on._

_'Uh.. Thanks.'_

_'Don't mention it.' Paul huffed, stuttered but the woman cut him off. 'No, really; don't mention it.'_

_Then she was all grace and agility as she leapt back into the war._

Paul opened his eyes.

If only he'd been caring enough to return the same appreciation.

XXXXX

"I wanna know, Lee... Everything. Please baby... Tell me everything."

His broken voice didn't do well to hide his obvious agony and Leah felt her heart skip another beat at the unnameable devotion in Sam's eyes. It brought her back to better times... Times that had been cruelly ripped away from them.

But amidst the pain she still felt, and everything that had happened Leah couldn't focus on one thought for long.

Yet she knew that... Her time was close... She'd better use it wisely.

_And though I know all about those men;_  
Still I don't remember.  
Cuz it was us baby way before them;  
And we're still together.

"Sam..." She winced; her first spoken word made the coppery taste of blood in her mouth so much more poignant as the rattle of her voicebox stung her sore, dry throat.

What could she possibly say...? What could she do...?

"...Why are you here..?" She murmured, hating herself instantly because a whole lotta pain flashed across his face pretty quickly and it didn't seem just; ..Even after everything he had put her through, after all the pain, the torment and the shitty recent events life threw at her.

Why couldn't she hate him? Hate them..?

"Leah how could I not be here..! Why can't you understand that I still love you..!" His voice was soft but he was doing that thing where his hand unknowingly clenched her's hard enough to hurt and Leah knew he wanted to scream.

_'...Why can't you understand that I just want you to be happy..?'_

"You love me..," she whispered breathily.

Leah looked away from him and swallowed roughly.

She'd always known that. Leah had  _always_  known. It was there when he watched her walk away; it was there when he had to scold her in front of the pack; and it was there when she was in her bedroom at night, alone, and he walked halfway to her door and stood before turning around and walking back downstairs.

But... There was Emily.

Emily, who was so much more beautiful despite the scars just because of who she was inside, and Emily with her fertility (well, Leah had that too apparently; but it was still sorta pointless to anyone who wasn't half man-half wolf), and Emily with her good grace and all-around attractiveness.

She was perfect for him.

And Leah was not, as fate had made so very clear. Fuck... Fate had made it clear that Leah Clearwater was no good for  _life._ It had used everything in the book; her family, her friends, her lover... Everything to tempt her into leaving and just saying goodbye. Then it brought Karl upon her; ..brought more pain than any heart should ever have to hold onto.

"...I forgive you, Sam..."

The words took him by surprise and his eyes widened.

How?

"..What? You forgive me for what?"

"Everything." It wasn't easy; but she always knew she would. When she saw him laugh with her, smile with her cousin Leah knew she could never stand in the way of such happiness. So, she would defend herself as best she could but blame destiny and only destiny; because Emily deserved happiness too.

Sam scoffed; he looked angry as all hell.

"How? How could you  _ever_  forgive us Lee...? For everything we've put you through, for the people Emily and I poisoned against you and for just... For not loving you enough...?"

Sam would never be able to forgive himself. It wouldn't matter if she forgave him, if everyone forgave him. He would never be able to look past the terrible things he had put her through; He would never be able to shake the memory of hearing her heartbreaking sobs each night as he hid in the coverage of the emerald forest. He would never get over seeing that broken look in her eyes, the accusations and betrayal she tried so hard to hide, the ones he saw in the depths of her stormy eyes. The memory of her transition. As Leah transformed… Deteriorated, from the beautiful, perfect girl Sam had first fallen in love with to the wistful, tired, betrayed person Sam had created. He hated himself for what she had become; he knew it was his entire fault. So hearing the  _truth_  of her forgiveness in her perfect voice, Sam broke down.

Leah looked away from him; it hurt, sort of.

Did Sam really think she was so ignorant, so self-centered, that she wouldn't be willing to let him have his happiness...?

"I forgive you." She said it again.

_And I meant, every word I said._  
When I said that I Love You I meant,  
That I'd Love You forever...;

Sam's tears fell faster.

"I wish you'd hate me," He muttered, his skin smoldering with a mix of anger and passion in so many simple words. "I wish that I could go back and change my mind because I made the wrong choice;... Made so many fuckin' wrong choices..." He clenched his teeth and bowed his head as he cried.

"I could never hate you.."

He looked up. That tone of honesty was a rarity in Leah's voice... He hadn't heard it in nearly three years.

"..Sometimes I wish you guys wouldn't... Call me names behind my back... It all gets back to me eventually." She smiled this sad smile. "Maybe a thank you, after I cook... You guys breakfast.." She coughed, "..Wouldn't be so bad..." She smiled wistfully.. A small broken smile. Her eyes told the truth of the real hurt those small things had done.

Sam's heart broke even more. Little details too. More shit he'd let his pack get away with, more harm and damage he'd partaken in that was slowly tearing his lover apart from the inside out.

_'Hate me LeeLee, please... Go get my gun.'_

"I'm so sorry..!" He brought a hand to his mouth to stifle an escaping sob, but despite her injuries Leah's hand was quick to catch his; held it in her's again.

"I could never... Ever hate you.." She whispered. Then her own eyes began to water and the last of Sam's resolve fell away.

He let out a cry of shame, anguish and guilt that nearly rivalled a scream and he held her hand hard, pressing it to his forehead as he wept. He'd never know how much seeing him cry hurt Leah; it hurt her like one would never believe.

"...Don't cry S'mmy..." Another cough. "I don't like it when you cry." She coughed again, strength weigning and the blackness at the edge of her vision crept closer. "..Yah know I'll always love you..."

_And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you;_  
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do...  
I don't wanna sleep; I just wanna keep on lovin' you.

_XXXXX_

Jacob had restlessly pulled his wallet out of his pocket, picking out card after card; anything to keep his mind off the current situation, his current thoughts... What could be more mundane than a friggen bank card?

But of course luck came sparingly to those boys and it just so happened that not even an old brown leather wallet could bring the second alpha some salvation.

In the last slip of his wallet Jake accidentally pulled out a folded, crumpled up photo.

And of course, ignoring his brain's  _turnbacknowdon'tunravelitstop_  he gently unfolded the photo as to not fray the edges and nearly smooshed it in his hand again at the sight of it.

In stunning technicolor, staring him in the face from the photograph like the ones at the Clearwaters' had been, Jake saw himself, Leah and Seth sitting on the hood of his Rabbit. He squeezed his eyes shut, clenched his hand around a memory and couldn't help but indulge himself in one.

_He hated it in there._

_Even when he used to love it so much._

_Jake grit his teeth as he turned lugnuts and tightened this, that on his car. The poor thing was falling apart and Jacob was sorry obviously for that, but it was hard coming into his shed these days... It was painful without her there._

_Too many nights that Jake couldn't help but think of, when he and Bella Swan- er, Cullen.. Fixed up dirtbikes and cleaned up grease stains and sorted through old parts and everything else the duo could find to do in his little work area._

_Too many nights that would never be repeated again. Jake cursed and threw the wrench to the cement floor. The simple thoughts of him, that blood-sucker who'd stolen the girl he loved away made Jake wanna vomit; vomit and destroy. Actually, he was enjoying the temperature of his skin sky-rocketing and he urge to phase when a certain annoying voice (last one he needed to hear at that moment) cut through the heavy silence. (He didn't play music anymore.)_

_"Well jesus Jake, what's got your nuts up in a bunch?"_

_Leah stepped inside the dimly lit garage, Jake rolling his eyes to high heaven._

_"I'm really not in the mood to deal with you today Leah."_

_"Of course you're not; you never are, since Bella-"_

_"_ _**Don't even talk about her!"** _ _He actually yelled, growled and roared the words at his packmate. Once the realization of what he'd done hit home, Jake shut his eyes again and groaned. Leah was a bitch that was for sure; but she didn't mean anything by it, Jake could guess. She didn't deserve to be yelled at.. He supposed._

_So when he looked up to apologize he was quite surprised to see her staring back at him with a whole lot of pain in those deep blues._

_"Leah, look I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell-"_

_"She didn't deserve you Jake."_

_Her words,_ those _words especially took him off-guard and he was the one raising an eyebrow._

_"Huh...?"_

_"I said, Bella was a dumbass okay? You're pretty right on Jake, you didn't deserve the shit she put you through and god knows her stupid ass is better suited to somebody cold and dead anyway.."_

_These were things Jacob knew, deep down, but hearing it come from the person he thought hated him, the person he himself thought he had no contempt for, somehow made it more believable because Leah was_ not  _the type just to inflate somebody's ego;.. Like a normal person._

_She wouldn't of said it if she hadn't meant it._

" _Uh... Thanks.." He looked back at his bike because it was hard to meet her eyes when deep inside he couldn't help but feel like maybe he should say something about Sam; but that would probably just make her angry and next time he was phased he did not want another ear half-ripped._

_"So whatcha workin' on?"_

_"Stuff..." Leah didn't like cars. Did she?_

_He nearly jumped out of his skin when she sat down next to him on the floor and picked up the wrench he'd sent flying._

_"The Rabbit?"_

_"Uh, yup..." He was watching her now, aware that he was bumbling like a friggen idiot but still too unsettled and rattled to care._

_"I always wanted an Impala. Like the one my dad had. A sixty-seven," she said, leaning forward and beginning to screw the nuts where Jacob had left off. "A black one I think."_

_A Chevy Impala. Huh. They were damn nice cars. Jacob tilted his head._

_"Really?"_

_"Really."_

He hadn't missed, or thought about Bella once more that night.

Seth was an entirely different mess. He was the closest to the door; the closest to tipping over the edge of insanity and delving straight down into madness, leaving all rational thought behind and fleeing from the people he loved who were still alive because he couldn't take another loss...!

Leah's was already too evident and it was the worst pain Seth had ever felt in his life.

When he woke up in the morning, Leah wouldn't be there frying him eggs or putting his favorite cereal on the table. When he decided to have a little 'me-time' involving a bottle of vaseline she wouldn't be in the other room pounding on the wall and screeching at him. Leah would never be able to do those things again...

No more christmas presents... He always knew which ones were Leah's because when he was younger he didn't believe in santa, but in Mr. Hankey; the  _South Park_  piece of shit and his parents thought it was totally inappropriate and stupid for a kid to believe in a christmas poo.

When he'd wake up christmas morning, there would be four or five gifts (suspiciously in Leah's handwriting), labelled 'To Seth; Hiiiiiiiii-dee Hoh! Merry Christmas; from Mr. Hankey!'.

In this grim moment, of this grim day, he couldn't laugh at an obviously hilarious and foolish memory.

What Seth would miss most, though, were the rare moments...; times only kept safe in his memory because they were too precious for a picture and too painful to talk about. But at the same time, they were so meaningful and important this his heart nearly burst as he recalled one in particular.

_Harry Clearwater's death had rocked the foundations of the small La Push reservation, and the shattering impact had reverberated up through Forks and back down the river towards Makah._

_But of course, no one knew more pain thant Harry's immediate family..._

_Seth laid in bed awake for the first entire week after his father's death and his sister's phasing. This week... This one week had been hell for everyone and this was just the cherry on top of a giant fucking shitwrecked sundae._

_First Sam imprinted on Emily; ensuring his sister's heartbreak. Then Seth phased for the first time and despite his father's pride at seeing his young boy grow up big and strong, never having to die if he didn't want to, Seth still wasn't sure if he was okay with the 'pack life' as Sam had called it. Then came the big confrontation that resulted in his father.. Dying._

_His sister's phasing._

_He heard her crying at night... He didn't know whether it was over Sam, her cousin, or over their dad but he could only guess it was anything and everything because there really wasn't much else that could happen to his little broken family... Not anymore._

_Partly, Seth blamed himself. He bit his lip, lying awake in bed another night as he struggled to come to terms with the underlying causes; the underlying truths about why his family suddenly had to change so much; and face so much heartache. Not even his sister, the most important person to him in the world, would take the time to talk to him._

_So you could only guess how surprised he was when two arms gently wound themselves around his waist and he felt hot tears as his sister pressed her forehead against his back._

_"...Sis..?" He asked, turning halfway to cast a look at her face. She looked so haggard... So worn out and tired and just so..._ Heartbroken.  _He probably didn't look any better; he was tired too._

" _Seth..." Her voice was a sobbing whisper in the darkness of his room. He hadn't even heard her step in, didn't know he wasn't alone till he felt the bed dip. "...You've grown up a lot, y'know?"_

_He didn't really know what to say.. Yeah sure; since phasing a few days before he'd sprouted up to six feet and two inches and put on like thirty pounds of muscle, but yet he didn't really think that was what his sister meant. It was weird in itself, how she'd mentioned it._

_"Uh... Thanks Lee... I'm a big boy now.." He tried to put on that goofy smile that she usually rolled her eyes at (made her wonder if Sue had dropped him on his head one too many times because he was_ always  _happy), but her smile this time was weak and it didn't do his sister's pretty face justice. He could tell; even in the dark._

_(A brother knows these things.)_

_"I remember back when you were like... I dunno, six or seven maybe and you used to be scared of the dark... Crawl in bed with me." Her fake giggle was a soft vibration against his back and Seth felt his heart squeeze._

_He had used to do that, didn't he..?_

_"Only then," Leah continued, "I was still a lot bigger than you.. Now look." He could tell from her hollow voice, that that sad little smile had returned. She spoke the truth; Leah used to be able to wrap herself around him, protect him from the scary things that hid in the darkness, the bad people of the world..._

_Now, with their father gone and her relationship with Sam in the dumpster Seth was finally starting to realize just how much their roles had to be reversed._

_"You're still bigger than me, Lee... I guess.. I guess I'm man of the house now though.." The joke intended to lighten up their depression only brought another rush of tears to the siblings' eyes and they both blinked them back in similar fashion._

_"I used to sing you to sleep too.." That smile again, pressed into his back as she sobbed. Seth couldn't remember that... It seemed like something his sister would do; he knew his sister like no one else and no one gave her kind heart the credit it deserved. Jesus, why couldn't he remember her doing that...?_

_"Mm..." '_ Go to sleep, Seth...'  _His mind told him,_ ' go to sleep because maybe tomorrow will be better... Maybe you'll wake up, from Leah singin' you to sleep and everything will have just been a bad dream.'

_"...Love you, Sis..." He shut his eyes, arm lying over her's and keeping her arms locking around him._

_He fell asleep pretty quickly after that... Never got to hear her say it back._

_XXXXX_

"I know you're tired, Lee... I know you're gonna hate me and you fucking should but I've gotta tell you again."

Sam's voice broke on the  _hate me_.

"..I gotta tell you to move on... Because this was just another bump in the road and I know you can move on. ...This time you won't do it alone."

_And I meant, every word I said;_  
When I said that I love you, it meant  
That I'd love you forever...

Her half-lidded eyes shut at his words and when she turned her head away from him Sam felt a pain like his ribs cracked; like the very root of his being was being broken down from the inside out and soon he might fall; a pile of nothing, that was once a man.

He eyed the empty space beside her, and knew it was time to do whatever it took (well he knew it days ago; but this time he was going to act) to make her believe him and listen to him, and as gently as Sam could, he let himself settle down beside her.

_And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you;_  
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do...  
I don't wanna sleep; I just wanna keep on lovin' you..

If the dipping of the bed, or the heat of his arms hurt her as he laid one over her stomach and waist gently she didn't show it; he needed her to be strong and he would be pleased with her progress however small the achievement. He was  _not_  going to lose her. Not now.

Leah felt his body heat; the familiar sparks that seemed to eminate from their skin. It was like magnetism; at least that's what she felt it was like... She could never fully get inside Sam's head; anybody's head... But then again, it wasn't like they could get inside her's either because if they could, they would've seen this coming.

The realization seemed to make the wound in her back pulse; the pain in her chest spiked and the fever she was sure she was running caused more beads of sweat to appear on her brow.

Go figure; she was this close to ending it herself but life was never easy for Leah Clearwater; they had to make sure there was the barest bit of extra suffering and turmoil to go with it before things went out peacefully.

Sam grew steadily more concerned with her silence, and gently raked a hand through her ebony hair.

"You're gonna be okay..." He couldn't say the words with a straight face. Sam put his head to her shoulder, and cried.

_Baby I'm gonna keep on lovin you;  
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do..  
I don't wanna sleep; I just wanna keep on lovin' you..._

For the first time in a long time, Sam sounded unsure of his opinion about her.

_Keep on lovin' you, baby..._


	25. Smiling Next To You

**MS:** My friends, the long hard road is coming to an end. All that's left after this is chapter 25 and an Epilogue... Then it's summer and then maybe a 'sequel' of sorts :) But anywho; back to the pressing concern that this longass journey is actually ending. My beta was so upset when she sent me the new chapter lol... We've certainly had a time, haven't we guys? It hasn't always been good.. Hell I don't think it's ever been good :p But it's the lessons learned and the feelings felt that bring life to a story. Now; ladies and gents, I have a favor to ask of all of you for your own benefit. Speaking of the sequel I mentioned above, there's a journal entry relating to it that I will post in a few minutes. Please go check that out after you read this. If it's not up by then just make sure you go back and read it later. Might have a new poll up too so check that out. Now.. Try and 'enjoy' this.. Probably won't.

* * *

It was cool against her skin.

Hah; ...Had her body temperature really adjusted so much, that a little stethoscope felt cold..?

Carlisle lifted the piece of medical technology away from her chest and withdrew the earbuds.

"Your heart has yet to regain sinus rhythm." The blonde doctor looked at Sam.

Leah knew that look. She'd seen it before... Only now it would be Sam hearing the news, having the gavle plunged down instead of her, her mother and her brother.

_'I'm sorry. I've done all I can. We've lost your fath-'_

_... 'I'm sorry. I've done all I can. We're going to lose her.'_

Sam bit his lip as Carlisle walked toward the recovery room door, and indicated with his head for Sam to follow. He looked back at her, and with a gentle hand he held her jaw then kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

"..I'll be back..."

Leah felt bad for thinking  _'Yeah.. I've heard that before.'_

She watched him walk out of the room, and took a deep breath.

She wondered what it would feel like, when it finally happened.

XXXXX

The words tore Sam apart. There was no  _nearly_ ; it was a knife that was stabbed into his chest, cutting him open and leaving him to bleed.

Sam had stood out in the hallway for awhile, even after Carlisle had departed back downstairs to tell the others the depressing news.

Leah wasn't getting better.  
Leah wasn't healing.  
Leah's heart wasn't strong enough anymore.  
Leah was dying.

Carlisle said that if she fell asleep, she might not wake up again.

The sympathetic doctor gave her tonight; and no more.

Sam was angry. God he was just so fucking angry..! After  _everything they'd been through_ , after that pack of blood-thirsty pricks ran for the hills and after days in a desolate hell they'd finally gotten her back home... And now she was dying.

Well, she'd been dying all along, Sam proposed... But she always pulled through. His LeeLee always  _always_  pulled through. She carried around some emotional baggage sure but she was never  _ever_  actually just finished. And she couldn't be now.

Sam's hands balled into fists, and he walked back into her room.

_'Only time will tell'_ , Carlisle had said.

A little time was all Sam needed.

The once-proud Alpha walked silently back into the room and slipped into the bed beside her. He didn't know he was crying until her soft fingertips brushed away a tear on his burning cheek.

The radio was on, like always.

_Hush now, don't you cry;_  
Wipe away, the tear drop from your eye.  
You're lying safe in bed..  
It was all a bad dream spinning, in your head..

"I guess.. This is it, huh..?" God, her throat burned. Leah looked over at him slowly, her head and neck sore as fuck. Sam was crying. Her gorgeous, strong Sammy was crying. She'd never seen him cry.

Not when he asked her to marry him and she said yes.  
Not when he left her.  
Not when he scarred up her cousin's face.

Leah might've seen it, once or twice in the cave... But it had never been this vivid. Her Sammy's beautiful dark brown eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot, soaked and miserable as he wrapped his hot arms around her and buried his head into her unruly hair. His weight was a stress on her hurting chest, a press on her agonizing back but at the same time she welcomed it.

(It wasn't like she had a lot of time left to savour his touches.)

His tears hurt her more than she could have ever imagined. Hurt her more than being shot... More than seeing him kiss her own family... It had never been this bad. Using all her strength, the demure amounts of energy she could pull from the depths of her fading form she lifted her right arm just so; layed it on the arm he had wrapped so tightly around her waist and back and forced herself to turn and face him.

Sam winced when he saw the pain cross her beautiful features and his arms tightened around her unknowingly, probably making it worse. Her lovely blue eyes looked at him with nothing but devotion and Sam had never felt like such a failure in all of his life. Such an idiot, such a fucking jerk such a useless waste of space...

Then there was her. So perfect; so beautiful and with all the love in the world. She had saved him. Saved them. Stepped back when they all found their happiness and her's had been ripped away from her. Because she did, step back... Sam saw bad break-ups before; catty girls getting violent with one another and people get hurt but even after Emily's betrayal, Leah had never raised a hand to her; never raised her voice.

(Why hadn't he thought about all of this before?)

He knew it was true.. You never really know what you have until it's gone because if he lost Leah now he would lose everything. Sam guessed, maybe.. Some part of him was always content just having her in his pack; having the graceful light gray creature running beside him during patrol and just knowing she was  _there;_  that Leah was there... And he'd always get to enjoy her.

And now he was losing her for good.

He was losing everything.

Sam couldn't find words to answer her... He didn't know if she wanted one because by looking at her she was enjoying the silence, the comfort the low playing of the radio gave her.

He wanted to scream.

_Your mind tricked you to feel the pain;_  
Of someone close to you, leaving the game;  
Of life.

_So here it is, another chance;_  
Wide awake, you face the day;  
Your dream is over...;

_...Or has it just begun?_

_"_ Don't cry Sammy.." She murmured. His eyes shot down to her's. "...It's not so bad."

His eyebrow raised slightly, and he nearly choked. "What..?"

Leah wore this small smile... It was full of sadness; full of peace.

"I think it's time."

Sam squeezed his eyes shut and he ground his teeth together. His head began to shake.

"No... It'll never be time. Not yet."

Her hand began to caress his arm slowly, soothingly almost.

_There's a place I like to hide;  
A doorway that I run through, in the night._

_Relax child you were there; but only didn't realize,  
And you were scared._

"Sam...I-"

"You've gotta give me once more chance. Give me and the boys just one more chance even though we don't deserve it..!" His voice broke on the words; his voice broke her heart because she had never even  _imagined_  Sam, in her wildest dreams sounding this upset; this delirious with misery and violent surrender.

This broken.

Sam saw her open her mouth to answer, but he wasn't finished.

"Please LeeLee just let me talk... I need to lay it out, now; the way it's always been, before and after my friggen mistake and I need you to know that this is _not_ the end.. That this isn't over. I'm not willing to let it be over and I want you- No I  _need_  you to stay with me."

He talked so fast, it was like she was dying at that very second. Reminded her of the way the faces and her memories blurred past her when she laid on that muddy bank, facing up into the rain as the bullet found home in her shoulder.

She wasn't sure exactly what to say, so she just gave him that same slow smile. (Smiled more that night then she'd had in the last few years.)

"Sam... Baby... It's okay."

His head was shaking again. The hand on his arm moved to his wet cheek and he stilled.

"..We've got time... Time to say goodbye, and make things right."

_It's a place where you will learn,_  
To face your fears; retrace the years,  
And ride the whims of your mind.

_Commanding in another world._  
Suddenly, you'll hear and see  
This magic new dimension..!

"I don't want to say goodbye..!"

Her words cut deep.

"And I didn't want you to leave me for my cousin... But some things are out of our control."

Hell that hurt; but if she'd said it with a bit of bite, like the Leah he'd grown so accustomed to it would've brought him peace of mind intead of the solemn sadness her soft voice, without any hurtful intent brought him now.

Leah could fight this and win. Sam knew she could fight this and win, she was hell-wreaking Leah fucking Clearwater for god's sake..! There was nothing, she couldn't do..

He just had to convince her.. Make her believe.

"Leah why do you want to leave..? I know you can survive this I don't care what the leech says.. I don't care if the odds are a million to one. I just need to know why, baby I need to know how I can fix this..! Fix you..." He voice broke again and he inhaled deeply. "LeeLee, please tell me why."

What did he expect her to say..?

"...I know you don't know what to say." He read her like a book. "Is it because Harry's gone? Because for the last goddamn time LeeLee it wasn't your fault I don't care how you feel otherwise..!" He cringed, sniffed as his tears brought upon his stuffy nose. He was so close he nearly spoke against her lips. "Is it because you can't have children? Because LeeLee you can I know now, we all do, it was in the book... Please baby you can't give up yet."

Leah watched him with her heavy eyes, getting heavier. She was so tired...

_I..._  
Will be watching over you.  
I'm gonna help you see it through.  
I'll protect you in the night.  
I'm smiling next to you...

_In silent lucidity._

"Sam... There's nothing you can do."

Her voice never rose. She never cried. She didn't sound angry.

Leah's heartbeat, slow and soft; Sam could feel it against his chest like it was going to stop at any second.

_Nothing._

Hell he would do  _everything._

"LeeLee... I'll do anything. I want you back, I  _need_  you. I'll never be able to apologize enough for the pain that I've caused you... For the pain that I've let others cause you and didn't stop." Sam's tear-choked words spoke nothing but the honest truth; Leah could tell.

But what really brought the smile to her lips was that year-old twinkle in her ex-lover's eyes. The little shine that made his dark brown orbs pop.

Sammy was back.

No more imprint, possibly...? Had he stepped out of the alpha role? Leah didn't know for sure. But she liked the change.

Briefly she thought about what he asked of her.

What would life be like, if she survived and went back to Sam now? How would her cousin react? How could she deal with looking men in the face every single day after such a traumatic experience? ...Did he really still love her?

"Please Leah... Please... Tell me what to do."

"...Nothing."

Sam released a sob, hands moving up to hold her cool cheeks.

"I know I fucked up... Baby me and Emily are done. I love you...I Love You and only you. I am so.. So, sorry."

_Visualize your dream. (Yes.)_  
Record it in the present tense. (Don't be scared.)  
Put it into a permanent form.  
If you persist in your efforts,  
You will achieve  
A dream come true. (Control.)  
(How you doing today? Better?)

How can she say no to Sam...? It was so hard to say no to Sam.

Not the Alpha Sam.. It wasn't hard to say no to the man she'd known for the last 3 years but as she looked up into his eyes again, and saw the man she loved; every instinct said 'takemekissmeholdme'.

But she was not his. He was not her's...

Fate had made that clear.

_Dream control;_  
Dream control;  
Dream control.

_Help me..._

Leah fought back the urge to yawn. She wondered what time it was, where Emily was and how she was doing. If her mom knew she was here; if she'd see her father in heaven. A million random thoughts were flooding her mind; like the jumbled stuff that you can't figure out when you're half-asleep and half-awake. She liked it... It was an escape from the current situation.

Well, she told herself she liked it.

Because she didn't wanna leave Sam's arms. Not really. Yet at the same time.. She knew she should. It was time to let go.. Time to move on and finally leave the pain behind.

Because that's what was in store for her; pain. The pain of recovery... The pain of being an equal individual to her cousin who'd stabbed her in the back; the pain of facing scars from her experience every time she looked in the mirror; and then the pain of looking into Sam's eyes everyday, and remembering what he and the pack had done to her.

"Leah." His voice was still teary; his eyes were still big and beautiful no matter how red.

She was still in pain and growing more and more tired by the second. (Darkness closing in.)

"LeeLee... Don't leave me. Please... I love you so much."

Sam kept talking.

"I'll make everything better... Please I just need the chance." He kept begging.

_If you open your mind for me,  
You won't rely on open eyes to see._

_The walls you built within  
Come tumbling down and a new world will begin!_

..It was almost funny. Leah smiled because of it, a weak little thing as she looked up at him. How many times had she wished for this...? Imagined this, her own fantasy of her lover returning to her. Promising her paradise for the rest of her life after causing her so much pain.

So why did it feel so wrong now...?

Sam's thumb was rubbing soft circles on her cheek, irritating the scratches, waiting for her to speak. She just wanted the pain to go away.

_Living twice at once you learn,_  
You're safe from pain in the dream domain;  
A soul set free to fly!

_A round-trip journey in your head._  
Master of illusion can you realize?  
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but-

"...I dunno what to do." Leah muttered. Unknowingly leaning into his touch.

"...Stay with us. Your brother and mom... Stay with me."

God, she just wanted to sleep.

_I,_  
Will be watching over you.  
I'm gonna help you see it through.  
I,  
Will protect you in the night..;

Sam was here; arms around her in bed and so close he warmed her paining chest. So near she could inhale the air he breathed out; feel his tears soak her pillow.

It was everything she'd ever wanted.

And having Leah there, was the same for him.

Leah was so tired. Leah was so unsure. But; knew completely, that she could sleep in peace; protected with him there, away from the beating rain she'd grown so accustomed to the last few weeks.

"...Tell you what, S'mmy..", she yawned, "...I'll sleep on it.. Tell you in the morning."

Then she was gone; eyes shut softly, chest still beating up and down and she'd fallen asleep.

Sam's heart stopped. He kissed her forehead, and cried himself to sleep beside her.

The smile never left her lips. Thunder rattled the window.

_I'm smilin' next to you..._

 


	26. Untitled

 

 

Sam was awake for awhile.. He dared not open his eyes.

The radio must have been turned off; there was no music playing in the room. The silence was scary... It only screamed the worst. So Sam would not open his eyes; not when he might be looking at an empty bed, or Leah's ice cold dead skin. The color, and the music gone from her world.

No light behind her eyelids... Ever again.

In fact, Samuel was so enclosed with his thoughts of his love's departure, and his own thoughts of where he'd left his father's gun that it took him almost five minutes to notice just how silent it really was; just how far the lucidity stretched in their light little room.

Took him awhile to feel the sun on his face... The foreign sound of  _nothing,_  where there was no rain battling the window pane; no snow attacking the house and no more mournful howling of the wind.

The storm was over.

When he came upon that realization, he could wait no longer to face the looming ending; his Leah's depressing departure from this life.

Sam Uley opened his eyes.

Leah Clearwater stared back at him.

Suddenly the storm inside of him had disappeared too.

Their faces were less then three inches apart; their hearts, connected.

Sam couldn't find words. Her beautiful blue eyes were watching him, searching his own and waiting for him to speak; waiting for him to just do something because surely, she wanted the element of his surprise. Leah'd certainly gotten it.

Yet Sam couldn't speak.

"..I guess I'll have a lifetime to make sure you keep your promise this time, won't I..?"

The sunlight was warm, strewn across them and the white covers of the bed. Her cheek, as he cupped it tenderly was growing hotter. A small glance out the window, and the clouds had lifted away from Forks and Sam just knew from home as well.

The clouds had lifted from her heart and that was still all that mattered to him.

Sam Uley leant forward and crushed his lips to her's with a savage love; a missed heat and a fervent passion that could rival Romeo and Juliet; even beat it.

Leah kissed him back and knew she was probably making another mistake... And knew she could not blame Sam for breaking promises when she found out she could not keep one to herself ('I'll never be so fucking stupid ever again..').

Sam pressed his hand to her chest; over her heart and missed the presence of the aquamarine symbol of his love for her that had been lost in battle. Her lips moved softly over his; lovingly, eyes shut.

Her heart thrummed beneath his fingertips.

Once again, maybe just for now.. The silence seemed fitting.

 


	27. Epilogue

6 Long Months Later.

Clear skies as far as the eye could see.

A black night, set ablaze by a million tiny stars; the setting for a beautiful beginning, or an epic ending.

For once, everything just seems right.

The sparks of the La Push bonfire floated upward into the brilliant ebony sky, flankers tossing and turning and cartwheeling like bursts of sparkle as they disappeared and burnt into forever. The sand was warm beneath their feet... But it was cooler down by the sea.

Low voices murmured sometimes. All of the time actually but it was calm chatter; calm water under a bridge, out across the long-forgotten horizon. Hands were held, smiles were exchanged and laughter rang loud and clear, cackling across the white beach for miles.

Old Quil told his stories later on... A master of excitement, tranquility, and knowledge as he spun the woven tales of Taha Aki, and the brave Third Wife.

Only the pack was so much more amazed, having lived the emotion; lived the tragedy, and felt the adrenaline of a life spun into a morbid fairytale.

The boys had seen sacrifice.  
Cruelty.  
Carnage.  
Hopelessness.

And Revelation, and Love.

They discovered so much more.

Billy clasped his hands in his lap, and looked at her across the fire.

Her torn face scarcely left them. Her scars an ugly memory she would forever live with, a constant reminder of the pain she had suffered for the man she loved so dearly.. Only to have it all fall to pieces in the blink of an eye. She sat beside her aunt on the seating logs, and Billy could tell Sue was pretending not to notice.

They had all seen those looks before.

No one could feel sorry for her.

He turned his attention to his son. Jacob sat beside Sam and Seth on the log, watching her too. Not Emily, but he watched Leah. Billy felt pride. His son bore his own scars now. His own wounds from a battle well-fought and a story well-lived. Jacob's eyes hadn't landed on Bella and Edward once, though they were present; his gaze flickered to Renesmee every now and again but the little girl understood.. Not enough time had passed, and they wouldn't feel safe letting her out of their sight. Jacob included. His eyes traced Leah as if they had shared something secret; forbidden with one another. And secret it was going to stay.

The little brother suddenly didn't seem so little; Seth was larger than life. His face had not lost the barest trace of innocence the tribe had cried for; but only his eyes had gained the knowledge and the ability to love passionately; see things for what they were. New abilities he held close, new responsibilities and a new title of Man of the House he was proud to have; because what sort of boy could live through something so heartbreaking and soul shattering and still come out bright the other end? 'Stay gold', Seth. That's the story she used to read to him.

The scorned brother had done well to make up for his bitterness and now he tried to see things a different way. It was a healing path; everyone understood, and tried to help Paul with everything in their power and still she would forever be the biggest influence in his life. Rachel held his heart; Leah held his hand. Paul sought redemption with all the same passion Leah fought for her family; and supposedly, she didn't need him kneeling and begging and ten boxes of caramel chocolates. Apparently 'meaning it' was good and plenty. Rachel found an astounding limit on his vocabulary over the last few months... 'Bitch' left his mouth an amazing three times. (Directed at the lawnmower.)

Little Claire sat upon big Quil's lap with her cute little curls and dimpled cheeks. Bundled up despite the warmth of the night, legs tucked under the hem of Quil's Bench jacket and clutching close her little bunny rabbit stuffed animal. Such innocence; yet even she seemed to know something had changed remarkably on the small Rez, the place she'd known for barely four years of her young life. Not that the rez itself had changed of course; just the people in it. On some of her walks now, when Quil was babysitting she found herself sharing his hands; she held the left and Leah held the right.

(But Leah always brought her a pack of bubble gum when she came; it was all good.)

Kim found it hard to concentrate on the girl who had survived and saved so much.. Perhaps it made her a bad person, to see Leah as the destroyer of so much as well? Now Emily, one of her closest friends sat broken and alone by herself; no man to keep her warm on this open-skies night. Maybe Kim was paranoid.. Because her Jared had changed so much. His arm was still around her shoulders of course as he sat beside her; but his eyes didn't meet her face twice the entire night and he was thinking, too; so much it made Kim uncomfortable. When he got home, at first she was as happy as ever.. Thrilled even, when Jared apologized for every remotely-ill (Imprints really can't be that mean) word and sentiment he had ever said to her; because apparently he'd learned some girls take stuff like that more to heart than others. Now, with Sam's revelation, Kim found herself worried Jared would try to follow along his Alpha's footsteps... Break the bond that held them together.

Another boy feared change as well. Embry had, after all, shared the position of 'alone' with Leah for years. No imprint; no girlfriend. Sometimes that was why he'd wondered why she kicked up such a fuss.. He got along fine with no one. Why couldn't she? And then he remembered she had loved and lost; he had never loved at all. Now he feared change; because Leah was not alone any longer. She'd taken Sam back... Now Seth and himself were the only single members of the pack. Embry was surprised though. Now it was indeed more different than ever. Leah watched movies with him on Wednesday night; they'd gone swimming the Thursday before. He wasn't alone. Not really.

(And he was going to ensure the same for her. Embry would go homicidal on Sam if he so much as put a toe out of line.)

Sue was seated beside the girl who caused her daughter so much grief. But then of course, that would be leaving herself out of the equation.. And that wasn't right. Edward, the Cullen boy and Sam himself had had a long talk with her, when she arrived at the invented hospital to see her daughter. She had learned so much. It came down to Leah not always being 'right'... But everyone's lack of understanding. Mrs. Clearwater was sure to explain to Charlie Swan why they should hold off their engagement for a year or so, perhaps; ..Was sure to sit Emily down, and do what should've been done three years ago.

('Stand aside; let them be happy.')

Edward watched her from across the dancing crimson and sapphire flames; the beautiful once-broken girl with piercing eyes; the one who had managed to make him realize what was truly important in the few weeks they had spent together, fighting for her life. She met his intense gaze and smiled while he heard her whisper in her mind,  _Thank you._  His expression changed from curiosity and wonder at the extraordinary woman to knowledge and appreciation as he looked around at what mattered the most to him; his love, Bella and his life, Renesmee, all while whispering his silent gratitude to the smoky-eyed wonder,  _Thank you Leah._

Rosalie stood among them. Odd, considering her lack of fondness for the wolves. Yet she couldn't help but relate to Leah; she couldn't help but love and admire her; the beautiful, fearless woman, who put even Rose to shame. She was the one who had won Rosalie's respect, a hard thing to do.

Jasper could sense her, the tenor of her being. She was strong, but everyone knew that. She was brave and unafraid, nothing new. Now she was anxious, and afraid. Of judgment? He didn't know. He reached out to her, caressing her with his calm. She deserved it and more.

She was nervous... She was so calm.

Sam rubbed his hands soothingly up and down her goosebump-infested arms.

"Are you sure? You don't have to do this.. Not if you're not ready."

"I'm as ready as I'll ever possibly be.." Her beautiful smokey eyes cast out upon the rocky shore; the dark skyline, and the calmly thrashing sea.

"Besides", she continued, "What's left that could possibly go wrong?"

Sam looked up at the stars.

"I suppose.. It could be raining."

She laughed. After all they had been through Sam knew he would never ever tire of that sound. Not in a hundred years, not a million, a million and one; never.

"You're right.. It could be raining."

Sam lifted the black and blue guitar and placed it in her awaiting hands.

"I've waited so long."

"I've waited longer." Leah gave him a small smile then.. Gently squeezed his hand (Sam loved the presence of the new gem), and then turned her back on him. The wind whipped her hair and Sam's eyes easily flew over the etched scar of her survival burned into her shoulder, and out once more towards the sea.

Then he went and sat down again.

Leah took her own seat, at the head of the large circle and let her eyes flick over at the smoldering, glowing faces around her.

Quil Senior cleared his throat; a surprisingly loud noise for such an old, quiet man and that turned eyes on him first, who then directed them to Leah. Guitar poised in her lap and arms, she felt she was finally ready.

The people she'd loved most finally saw past the 'magic' and realized who they truly were.

It was time for Leah to show them the same.

She'd put it on paper at the Cullens'.. In the 'hospital'. It was a long work in progress.. She didn't want Sam or the boys to see it, and there weren't many moments when they weren't around after that. Leah was happy for that, too. She'd written a few words when she was chained up in that room; dark, and alone. Using the pictures in her dreams, the words in her heart... The rest she'd charted as she lay in Sam's arms, dying and hurt.

"I.. I wrote this a while ago. Honestly, didn't really think I'd get the chance to sing it... But apparently life can surprise you. Even if it seems kinda dark sometimes.. Kinda not worth it."

Her eyes sought out his; sought out their's.

"It is, though;... You just gotta wait long enough, search hard enough and work hard enough to find the reasons why." The wind was blowing her hair, just so. Sam thought it was beautiful, and wondered how he'd ever made that choice.

Her throat was dry. 'Please..  _Please_ don't mess up.'

"Hopefully.. You'll listen... Learn, maybe... What's worth fighting for; ..And that love really, can't ever die." Leah tried to crack a smile; her fingers twitched on the strings.

And then she began to sing.

_"Everybody needs inspiration...;_  
Everybody needs a song;  
A beautiful melody..  
When the night's so long.  
'Cause there is no guarantee...  
That this life is easy..!

_Yeah when my, world is fallin' apart_  
When there's no, light to break up the dark  
That's When I..;  
I, Look At You.  
When the waves, are flooding the shore and I can't,  
Find my way home anymore  
That's When I,  
I, I Look At You."

Sam's heart swelled.

Come to think of it, everyone's did. It was beautiful. Leah looked and sounded so beautiful.

_"When I Look At You,_  
I see forgiveness..;  
I see the truth..  
You love me for who I am;  
Like the stars hold the moon..!  
Right there where they belong..  
And I know I'm not alone..!

_Yeah when my, world is fallin' apart_  
When there's no, light to break up the dark  
That's When I..;  
I, I Look At You.  
When the waves, are flooding the shore and I can't,  
Find my way home anymore,  
That's When I,  
I, I Look At You.."

Some part of him, a little part, still couldn't believe it. She sang like  _he_ had saved  _her_. It couldn't have been more opposite... And then there was that part of him that admitted, that maybe.. They'd saved eachother. In the knick of time.

(Then that little part of Sam told him to stop friggen thinking and let the girl sing; because it was breathtaking.)

_"You; Appear, just like a dream to me;_  
Just; like, kaleidoscope colors that  
Prove to me, all I need; every breath, that I breathe;  
Don't you know,  
You're beautiful...?

_Yeah, yeah!_

_When the waves, are flooding the shore_  
And I can't, find my way home anymore  
That's When I..;  
I, I Look At You...!  
I Look At You...

_Yeah, yeah yeah... Oh.."_

_'I Love You.'_ The aquamarine blue engagement ring glinted on her finger as it struck the final chords.

_"You, appear, just like a dream to me... "_

Jacob smiled that beautiful smile with teeth white enough to light up the night sky.  
Seth's pride beamed in his chest; his happiness and adoration for his sister shining through.  
Quil clapped his hands with nothing but admiration.  
Embry clapped too; he was just proud. Proud of her, proud of himself.. Of everyone.  
Paul was in a state of amazement. He'd never seen himself here... But he was glad he was.  
Jared smiled at her; his arm twitched around Kim's shoulders. He had some thinking to do.

Sam stood up as the eager audience continued to clap, and beat feet across the sand to his LeeLee as fast as he could. Wrapping his large arms around her he swept her up from the chair and spun her around in the warm night air; loving how the moon made her heart-shaped engagement ring sparkle.. Aquamarine blue, set in gold.

(not a replacement, for something once as special lost... A continuation for something much more important.)

"I love you so, so much. Forever."

As the couple looked forward to what would likely be a shining sunny tomorrow, everyone knew that perhaps the promise hadn't been broken after all.

**So this is what it all adds up to.. It's hard to say just what sort of path in life this sequence of events has lead the people involved on. But me, I'd say this** _ **was**_ **a test; for Leah, Sam and the ones they love.**  
And I think they did pretty good.  
In a world of destiny... They made their own choices.  
They chose love; family.  
And, well.. Isn't that kinda the whole point?  
Trust me guys, endings are hard. People are gonna complain, people are gonna be dissatisfied with what was focused on and what wasn't, who lived and who died... But then again;

**...Nothing ever really ends, does it?**

 

 

 

_Soundtrack_

Natural Disaster-Alexz Johnson  
Boston-Augustana  
Into The Ocean-Blue October  
I'm Burnin' For You-Blue Oyster Cult  
Come In With The Rain-Taylor Swift  
Breathe-Taylor Swift  
Keep On Loving You-REO Speedwagon  
Silent Lucidity-Queensryche  
Love Hurts-Nazareth  
Before The Storm-Miley Cyrus & Nick Jonas  
Simple Man-Lynyrd Skynyrd  
Passing Afternoon-Iron And Wine  
Stand In The Rain-Superchick  
Gunnin'-Hedley  
Fall To Pieces-Avril Lavigne  
Nobody's Home-Avril Lavigne  
No Sound But The Wind-Editors  
New Divide-Linkin Park  
Hate Me-Blue October  
Life After You-Daughtry  
Live And Let Die-Guns N' Roses  
My Immortal-Evanescence  
21 Guns-Green Day  
Better Than Me-Hinder  
Over-Lindsay Lohan  
When I Look At You-Miley Cyrus

 


End file.
